SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 18, 16 July 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

THE RAT WAR. Brown : "I've just joined in the war against rats. I bought one of those patent traps yesterday." Jones: "Did you have any trouhle setting it?" Brown : "Oh, no ! I soon got my hand in !" QUITE CORRECT. The young gentleman caller, after defailing his injuries at the football match, Esceived the sympathy of the daughter of the house. "Yhou are as good as medicine," he fervently exclaimed. "Yes," added her little brother, "Ma said she was a drug in the market." A SURE PROOF. "Tell me all ahout it," said the woman who was ill and coudn't attend the wedding. "Twasn't much," said her husband. "There was no best man, and the-'-bride-groom forgot the ring and had -to g6 back Lorne for it." "Lucky girl!" exclaimed with woman's intuition. "She is marrying a plumber." SAD. It jvas eleven o'clock as the junior clerk sauritcred into the Government office and approached his chief. "Haw! Look here, Stevens," he said, "I want to be away a month or so." "All right, old fellow. Leave, I suppose?" "Haw — no — domestic affliction ; someone is going to marry me!" the repartee: Alfred's ehum was rather fond of airing his knowledge of French. On leaving his friend the other evening he said, "Well, 'b"n soir,' Alfred, my boy, or rather 'Au revoir.' " "What do you mean?" quoth his pal. "I mean 'good-bye' — 'au rcvoir' is 'good-bye' in the French langtiage." "Oh, I see," said Alfred; "well 'carbolic acid' to you." % "Oh, but that's silly," replied his friend. "Not at all," said Alfred, "that m,eans 'good-bye' in any language." ENFANT TERRIBLE. A lady who had company to tea reproved her little son several times, speaking, however, very gently. At last, out of patience with him, she said sharply : "Jimmy, if you don't keep still I'U send yo i away from the table." "Yes, that's what you always do when there's conjpany and there are not enough cakes to go round," was the reply of the gifted youth. ROUGH ON THE M.D. Scme timg ago an eminent London physi(ian requested an equally eminent surgeon to accompany him to see a distinguished but slippery patient, which he readily accedL-ed to. The patient was exceedingly polite to both the medical gentleman, shaking hands with them and fcowing them out of the room in the most afiable manner. Soon after this professional visit the same physican called again on the surgeon, requesting him to accompany him to see an other patient. On the way thither the surgeon observed, "I hope this patient will Dehave moie liberally than the last did." Why ? ' said the M.D. "Did he not give yo \ a fee?" "Not a shilllng," -was the- reply. "Indeed!" said the eminent physician, with a tss of the head. "Why, he borrowed two guineas i'rom me to give to you !"