STORIES OF ALL MOODS.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 18, 16 July 1920, Page 14

STORIES OF ALL MOODS.

some cleecial stories. There is much talk to-day, as indeed there has always been, at any rate for the last couple of centuries, about the reluctance of the contemporary church-goer. No one, however, has suggested a return to the structural ameuif vhich churchgoers enjoyed in previoi..; centuries, such as a Berkshire dame naively expressed it — "these old-fashioned pews, wherein a body might sleep comfortable without all the parish knowin' on it." 'Many amusing stories of this period are told by Mr P. H. Ditchfield, in his very entertaining hook, "The Parish Clerk." THE SQUIRE'S PEW. '"The squire's pew was a wondrous structure, with its own special fireplace, the fire which the old gentleman used to poke vigorously when the parson was too long in preaching. It was amply furnished this squire's pew, with arm-chairs and comfortable seats and stools and books. Such a pew all furnished and adorned did a worthy clerk point out to the witty Bishop of Oxford, Bishop Wilberforce, with much pride and satisfaction. " 'If there be ought your Lordship can mention to mak' it better, I'm sure Squire will no mind gettin' on it.' "The Bishop, with a merry twinkle in his eye, turned round to the vicar, who was st-anding near, and malictously whispefed : — " 'A card tahle.' " IF THERE WAS A CONGREG ATION. The clergy themselves did not always take their services quite so seriously as is considered decent to-day. "An old clergyman, named Field, lived at Cambridge and served three country parishes — Hauxton, Newton, and Barnington. On Sunday morning he used to ride to Hauxton, which. he could see from the h-igh road to Newton. If there was a congregation, the clerk used to waggle his hat on the top of a long pole kept in the church porch and Field had to tuni down the road and take the service. If there was no congregation he w.ent on straight to Newton, wheTe there was always a congregation, as two old ladies were always present. Field used to turn his pony loose in the churchyard, and as he entered the church began the Exhortation, so that by the time he was robed he had progressed well through the service. The Rev. M. J. Bacon was curate at Newton, and remembers well the old surplice turned up and shortened at thebottora, where the old parson's spurs had frayed it." THE SLEEP OF THE JUST. Many stories are told oi dull and sieepv clerkss A canon of a northern cathedral tells of one such clerk, whose duty it was, when the rector fmished his sermon, to say "Amen." One summer afternoon, this aged official was .overtaken with drowsiness, and as soon as the clergyman had given out his text, slept the sleep of the just. Sermons in former years were remarkable for their length and many divisions. "After the 'firstly' was concluded, the preacher paused. The clerk, suddenly awaking, thought that the discourse was concluded and pronounced his usual 5 Arummen.' The congregation rose, and the service came to a close. As the gathering dispersed, the squire slipped half a crown into the clerk's hand, and whispered : 'Thomas, you managed that very well, and deserve a little present. I will give you the same che next time." AT THE ITALIAN COURT. That Courts and diplomacy are not all oeremonial and dignity is made quite clear in these fasc|iating reminiseences. The hook is packed with good stories. Here is one more of the batch : A string of grand functionaries were taking leave of Queen Margherita of Italy. "A hugely obese minister, huttoned into the tightest of frock-coats, approached the ^Queen. With immense difhculty he lowered himself on one knee and kissed the Royal hand ; but no power on earth seemed eqaal to raising him to his feet again. The eorpulent minsiter grew purple in the face ; the most ominous sounds of the rending of cloth and linen re-echoed throuvh the room ; but still he could not ma^age to rise." Eventually, but not hefore the Queen was shaking with laughter, the unhappy rnan was dragged to his feet, when "a perfect Niagara of oddments of apparel, of tags and scraps of his most private under-gar-ments, rained upon the floor."