DIGGER YARNS.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 16, 2 July 1920, Page 11

DIGGER YARNS.

(Sydney "Mail.")

ABOUT GENERAL BIRDWOOD.

Early in 1916 General Birdwood was a guest of some Imperial officers at a dinner at the Trocadero Club, Loxidon. During the evening Birdie was asked by an English Guards officer to recall some of his experiences of Australians at' Gallipoli.Bridie readily consented, and told the gathering the following happening, "One day, at Gallipoli," said Birdie, "I was making my daily visit to the front line trench, and at one portion of the line I had to pass a very low parapet, where many a good Digger had been 'sniped' by the wily Turk. Whilst passing this dangerous spot I heard a husky Digger voice shout : 'Duck your — — head, Birdie!' " There was silen.ce for a moment, and the shocked Guards ofBcer, adjusting a monocle, remarked : "By gad, Birdwood! What did you do?" "What did I do?" replied fche "Soul of Anzac." "Why. I ducked my head." 'Twas a glorious summer's night, with a full moon overhead, and the Boc.he somewhere in front, when Birdie lohhed into the gas-alert area per automobile. "Tliis wa.y, sir," whispered the guide. Without response Birdie followed. "Mind the shell-'ole there on yer right, sir," hoarsely whispered the guide. "Right !" whispered Birdie. "Broken duckhoard 'ere, sir," again cautioned the guide. "Right," whispered Birdie. "Barb' wire 'ere? sir keep to yer left." Not by word of reply did Birdie acknowledge the advice. However, presently he inquired in a less loud to-ne oF voice than even the guide had troubled to use, "How far off is Frit-z?" "Oh, about three ki-lom-eters," whisperingly replied the guide. "Well, what the dickens are you whispering for, man?" thundered Birdie. "I hin gassed, sir," whispered the guide. It was just after Zonnebeke in 1917. Birdie was inspecting a certain battalion. Speaking to one Digger, the "hard nut" of the hattalion, the General inquired how he was getting on. * » ' "Oh, I'm tres bon, Birdie : how's yourself?" replied ihe Digger. "Where upon the Diggera' G.O. chipped in : "That's all right, General. Ercuse him calling you Birdie, but he doesn't know your Christian narne."

Scene : Anzac Beach, September, 1915. Birdie, having bathed in the Aegean Sea, is dressing on the beach. x>eachy Bill is bombarding the Anzac shores from Achi Baba's forts. A naval pinnace, in charge of one man, cruises in close to shore. Naval man seizes a coil of rope, and, addressing the fampus General, shouts : "Hi there, mate, eatch this blanky rope!" Heaves rope, which falls short ; hauls in rope; pinnace is manoeavred eloser into shore. Second attempt. "Hi, there, jrnu deaf biankety-hlank ! Will you catch this — — rope?" No attempt is made to catch rope. Ihird -attempt, getting still closer to shore. The naval rating jumps over the side up to his neck in water, and wades ashore. Marches straight up to the General. He paints the atmosphere a lurid colour. Shaking the rope at the General, re roars : "How the — a deaf like you passed the doctoas jto get here blanky well beats me ! ' ' As in all such incidents, no sequel but the Birdwood smile. A Digger was lying in camp dead broke, so irreverently decided to write to God for a tenner. He addressed the letter "per General Birdwood, Headquarters." When the General got it he was much amused. He t-ook it into the officers' mess, and all the offic-ers entered into the humour of the joke. The General said, "We will collect amongst us and raise the tenner for this fellow," but all he could raise was ; -so he sent it to the Digger. Next day the receipt came .to Jiand as follows : — "Dear God, — Thanks for sending me the tenner: but the next lot you send don't send it th rough Headquarters, as Biruie and his mob pinched three quid of it." The'sergeant of the guard had told the recruit on sentry-go how to salute captains, majors, and colonels. The recruit carried out- his instructions to the letter when any of these ranks passed. Then General Birdwood passed. The recruit looked at his shonlder-strap, became puzzled, scratched his head, and asked, "What are you?" General Birdwood said, "I am a General," Recruit replied, "Oh! let me see. Lientenants and capiains I bring my hand across to the small of the butt, majoi-s and Colonels I present arms. Well, the sergeant didn't say anything about you ; so how will a bit oi hayonet exercise do?"