SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 15, 25 June 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

ASKING FOR IT. Friend: "How did you fellows come tc decide against Lawyer Johnson's client ' All the testimony was in his favour, anc Johnson's address was a masterly effort.' Juryman : "Huh ! He began his speech by sayin' that a word to the wise was sufficient, and then he talked- two solid hours. ' ' AND HE DIDN'T SEE IT. Jones: "Blanche pinned a tiny flat-iron on my coat last night." Smith "Do you know what that means?" Jones: "No." Snnth : "Why, she wants you to press your suit. ' READY TO OBLIGE. As the tramcar stopped at the corner two well-laden passengers boarded her.' One carried two mangle rollers under one arm. The other deposited a large iron casting under the steps, and then climbed to the top deck, carrying a sack of wheels and littings. The conductor stood speechless as he watched them calmly moving a mangle for nothing. Then he came up for the fares. "Two 'a'pennies !" said the man with the rollers. "Make it pennies," said the conductor in scornful tones, "and I'll stop the car while you run back icB the washtub and props."

NO NEED FOR GOLF. The old farmer was trying to impress upon his son, who wanted to play golf for exercise, that chopping wood would answer the purpose just as well. "Oh, no, father," said the boy ; "it is the walking between strokes that makes golf such a valuable exercise— that gives the legs a chance as well as the arms." "Oh, that's it, is it?" said the old man; and then he went into the yard and placed sticks of wood at intervals all round it. After this he handed the bay an axe and said : "Now play the fnll course." THE DIFFERENCE. "No, Herbert, "she said in a low tone, "it is impossible, I fear to trust my future with you." "And why?" "I have watched your conduct very closely. It lacks the mark of such devotion as my soul craves." "Do I not come to see you four nights in the week?" "Yes, but I have detected a calculating selfishness in your nature which I fear." "What do you mean?" "You have never yet failed to leave in time to catch the last 'bus." "But that is only common sense." "I know it is, Herbert, and therefore it is not love." NO APPEAL. A soldier on leave from France was asked by an old lady in the train to give some of his experiences out there. "Well, mum," he said, "I shall not forget the last time I went over the top. There was eight of us in my part of the trench, and we were waiting the word to advance, when a shell came over and killed the other seven, and a bit of the shell knocked my bayonet off my rifle. Just then the whistle went to advance, and over I went. There were about ten Germans in front of me, but I rah up and put my bayonet through the lot of them." "But," exclaimed the old lady, "you said your bayonet was shot off." "Look here, lady," answered the soldier, "is it a story you want or an argument?"