SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 11, 28 May 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

MAN TO MAN. It was a tinie when Tim should have been in active service that h.e was discovered by liis sergeant in a hole, well out of the way of even a slray bullet. "Get out of that hole!" conmmanded the sergeant sternly. "Get out of it immediately!" The usually good-natured Irish faco looked up at liim "vvith stuhborn resistance written on ev,ery feature. "You may be my superior ofllcer," he answered boldly, "but all the same, Oi 'ra the wan that found tliis hole-first!" — "American Legion Weekly." THE EVICTION. A well-known philantliropist in East London gave, the other day, a sluip. child's version of the story of Eden. She was sitting ,with other cliildren on the curb outside a public-house in Shoneditch, and her version of the story proceeded : "Eve ses: 'Adam, 'ave a bite?' 'No,' ses Adam, 'I don't want a bite!' 'Garn!' ses Eve; 'go on, 'ave a bite!' 'I don't want a bite!' ses Adam." The ehild repeated this dialogue, her voice rising to a shrill shriek. "An' then Adam took a bite," she fmished up. "An' the flamin' angel came along wiv 'is sword, an' 'e ses to 'em both : 'Nah, then — ahtside!' " — "Tit-Bits." THE SAAIE OLD STORY. The Grocer : Y"es'm, the higli priee of mustard is due to the scarcity of fuel. You see, people are buying up mustard and keeping themselves warra with poltiees. — Melbourne ' 'Punch. ' ' Under the hedge sat Robert the reaper, taking long pulls at a beer bottle. The new curate eyed him sadly, then approaclied and spoke. "Tell me, my man," said th.e new curate, "is that all you have to drink?" Robert nodded, And you drink it all day, and every day ? . Again Robert nodded, and the new curate cast up his hands. Then he extracted sixpence from his waistcoat. "Take that, my man," lie said gravely. "It will buy you sometliing better." ' 1 Th anks, gu v ' n or — thanks, ' ' murmured Robert, deeply affeeted. I reckon a pint o' beer is more friendly than tbis cold ica." At a loeal eotton mill the "winding master" had long claimed that his wage was far too small, considering the amount of work that he had to do. So last payday he held seventeen sliillings in his hand, and approached the manager. "Could you not see your way clear to increase my wage?" he asked, opening out his hand and sliowing a paltry seventeen "bob." "If you will lielp to load tlie 'flats' I'll give you eigbteen sliillings a week. You know, I had a man here this morning, and he said he'd do your work for sixteen and six." To which the "winding master" replied, scarcasticallv. "Why not make it a pound, and let- him do your work as well?" ONE HAPFY HOME. "Jolm I'm so happy." "Are you, dear? I'm glad to hoar that. You ought to he happy. You have every thing to make you so." "Mrs Wilkinson was here this afternoon and she said baby looked so mnch liko me-that no one would beh'eve you were any relation to it." AS SHE GOES ALONG. "Don't you think that women are as capable of making laws as men?" "More so," replied Chuggins. "Give a woman an automohile and she'll make up her own traffic regnlations as she goes along. ' ' — W ashington Star.