SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 8, 7 May 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

THE BRUTE. The other day a woman entered the office of — and asked him to be her lawyer in a divorce" case. feiie said she had been married only a day. "Married only a day, and you want # divorce?" gasped — incredulously. " Yes," insisted the woman, and explained : "When my husband came home from the office I was crying. He asked me why, and I said : "Oh, John, I baked a lovely cake and put it out on the porch for the frosting to dry, and the dog ate it." "And John said, 'Don't cry, dear, I know a man who will give us another dog.' " LATEST SCHOOL "HOWLERS." "Pompeii was destroyed by an eruption from tift Vatican." "The Corgons were three sisters tliat looked like women, only more horrible.' "Edward the Third would have baen King of France if his mother had been a man." 1 "Benjamin Franklin produced electric- ! ity by rubbing cats backward." "George Washington married Mary Curtis, and in due timo became the father of his country." "A deacon is the lowest kind of Christian." "An ibex is where you look in the back part of the book when you want to find anything that is printed in the front part of the book." A .MATTER OF SPELLING. A capital story in "The Dover Patrol," Admiral Bacon's much-talked-of book, concerns a sailor who was taken ill with a bad attack of rheumatism while minesweeping on a trawler. The sick man was promptly ordered to hospital, but later on the doctor found out, quite by accident, that he was stili on board ship. Angrily he asked why his order had not been ob,eyed. "Well," replied the captain, "we tried to send him ashore, but a sergeant of police hailed us and said that on no accpunt was he to be landed or we'd be fiked £100 so we just kept him on board." "But did you not sigual to the depot, as I said?" # "Yes, we did; but neither me nor tho signalman knew how to spell rheumatism, so we called it small-pox. GETTING TIRED. A Scottish minister on arriving at his church oue Sunday morning found that he had thoughtlessly left his sermon behind him at the manse. Ile was somewhat upset, as the congregation were all assembled and waiting, and the manse happtyied to be some distance away. He summoned the beadle, a most important functionary, and directed liim to give out to the congregation the tremendously long 119th Psalm, which they might sing, while he hurried back to the manse for his sermon. The minister waited to hear them start the psalm and then rushed off to the manse as hard as he could go. He got his sermon, and on his return saw the faithful beadle standing at the door and waving his arm as a signal to make haste. The minister arrived breathless. "Are they still singing, ?" he gasped out. j "Aye, sir," replied the beadle, "they're ' at it yet; but they're jist cheepin' awa' like wee mice."