DIGGER YARNS

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 8, 7 May 1920, Page 13

DIGGER YARNS

ABOUT GENERAL BIRDWOOD. (From "The Sydney Mail.") Generals Birdwood and Rawlinson were walking along the Strand. A Digger, passing, said, "Good day , Birdie!" The General returned the salutation with a "Good day, Digger!" General Rawlinson turned to Birdie in surprise and said : "Do you allow your men to greet you like that? Why do you not pull them up and make them salute you in a proper manner?" Birdie replied : "Do you think I want to start a brawl in the Strand?" Generals Birdwood, Monash and Monro were once poring over a map in a dugout on Gallipoli, when the blgnket covering the' entrance was rudely whisked aside and a "cookhouse man," dirty, untidy, and trmnbling with rage, burst iii. "Which of you blanketty blankers pinched my blinketty blanketty dixie?" he raved. A stony silence while the cook took in the situation and recoiled with horror, Generals Monash and Monro glared annihilation. "I didn't," said Birdie meekly. On approaching an Australian camp in France General Birdwood noticed the sentry did not pay him the respect due to i hira. "Do you know who I am?" he said. Sentry: "No." Birdwood: "I am General Birdwood." Sentry: "Oh! I thought you was a banky Pioneer with them crossed picks on yer shoulder. Suppose I'll have to dook you a bit of a salute." "Hello!" said Jack, "there goes the half-hour warning for parade." Just then the orderly sergeant entered, and, blowing his whistle, commenced : "Pay attention to orders! All men will parade 9.30 ; full muster parade, belt and side-ai-ms, great coats IvLndcleer fashion, all bayonets and brass bucklss well polisbed. No sick parade till 11.30." "I know the stunfc," said Jack, "so I'll give you all the drnkum oil. Birdie's coming to inspect us. 'Twill be promenade pour la trenches at the tout suite." "I'll be back in • Jlff, Jack. I'm ofi to

Ithe officers' baths. Must have a shower ; there will be none of the heads round there now." So off I ran. One Digger had evidently beaten me round, and I could hear him vigorously sci*ubbing and scraping as I entered the bathroom. "D cold this morning," I remarked. ' How's the water " "Tres bon; warm as toast," was the reply. "I'll have to stick a pin in myself," I continued. "Old Birdie's eoming roimd to inspect us this morning. Just as well there's none of the knuts around. Wouldn't old Birdie roar if he nabbed a man in the officers' baths! Look, Dig," I went on, "Some 6f these flamin' heads / get right on my onion. Wonder if Birdie had his bath this morning? Guess he wouldn't like this ; the flamin' thing's running cold. Think I'll hop it and do a break for the hut." Hurriedly I wiped, and, pulling on my breeks and ovcrcoat, I made for the door. "•Hold hard, Dig!" replied the other. Good heavens! I saw comets and meteors, to say nothing of stars, as, stepping from the bathroom. I beheld no other than the General himself. "Hurry up, Dig," he said with a smile, "or you will be late for parade." I did hurry — make no error. Birdwood, like Cortez and Napoleon knew how to get the most out of men by a personal appeal. Th,e Diggers, even when responding enthusiastically, were acute enough to see tho pill through the sugar coating, and summed up the position in the following parody on a wellknown hymn : — Birdie loves us, this we know, For he oft?n tells us so; He can kid to you and me — - He could kid us up a tree. Yes, Birdie loves us, Yes, Birdie loves us, Yes, Birdie loves us — And we love Birdie, too ! The real bushman knows only two types of men — the one he calls by his Christian name, and the other he addresses as "mister." General Birdwood met such a man in a billeting area, and, after some conversation, inquired after the man's relatives. The Digger replied: "Dad's been pretty crook, Mr Birdwood, but mother'g keeping up wonderfully. An' how's all your lot, Mr Birdwood?" General Birdwood was one day passed by an Australian Digger, who did not salute him. Stopping, the General remarked : "I know you Diggers do not like saluting, and, of course, it does not matter to me ; I'm only a General. But it is worth while your getting into the habit for the sake of these young second lieutenants. They don't like to be ignored. After a big strafe Him prisoners, pending removal to a compound, were frequently used in the line for fatigue work, including stretcher-bearing. On one of these occasions General Birdwood happened to be near the regimental aid post which adjoined battalion headquarters. Noticing two Boche prisoners bringing in a wounded Digger the General hastened over to pass a few kindly words to the man on the streteher. But the Digger, with a grim smile on his face, looked up and exclaimed : "There's nothing doing, sir; I've been through 'cm both." Told me by General Birdwood himself. He was moving around the batteries up forward, greeting all and sundry. Near one battery, which was somewhat busy at the moment, he noticed a Digger loafing around, apparently doing less than nothing. "Good morning. How are you?" "Good morning sir, sir. Very well, sir." "What — — Oh, I see!" (noticing the bird's colour patches), "you don't belong to this battery?" "No, sir, I'm visiting here." "Oh, just up to see a cobber, I suppose!" Pause. "Well, ye-e-e-s; only; another meditative pause — "of course, I wouldn't have used the term myself."