SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 4, 9 April 1920, Page 4

SHORT STORIES.

THE RIVER BEDS. A story is told concerning Father Bernard Vaughan when he was touring in America. A boastful American at S*. Louis said to him one day, "Look at our Mississippi and Hudson rivers. Why, ii comparison with them your Mersey aua Severn and Thames are sleepy, sickly streams." "Oh," said Father Vaughan, " I think ycurs are just as sickly as ours." "How do you make that out?" inquired th'j American. "Well, they are all confined to their beds," replied Father Vaughan. VERY CHEAP. A clergyman, upon introducing some ru-w hymn-books to his .flock, instructed hi 3 elerk to give out the notice just before oue of the Cpllects. The clerk forgot, and instead read out : "All those who have children to he christened, please. let me know after the service." The clergyman was very deaf, and added blandly. "And I should like to say for the benefit of those who have none, that they may he obtained in the vestry any day between three and four, the ordinary ones at a shilling, and the special oncs at one and six." t CRtJSHING. A lady of douhtful musical abilities was caliing on a friend. She settled herself before »he piano, and proceeded to entertajn th? little daughter of the house, aged five, with a selection from her repertoire. After thumping for a spell she glanced rovnd to the listener, who surveyed her round-eyed. Thinking that her music was bting thoroughly appreciated, she gathered all her skill together for the finale. With a vigorous pound and a crashing discord she closed the performance. Little Daisy looked up and said, quite inr.ocently, "I can't play that tane either, Miss Pounder." WHICH IS WHICH There is a family that has recently had presented to it a very brilliant parrot that is a great talker. The hird was presented to the family by a sea captain, and as a gift it is greatly prized. But recently it has hecome a iJiorn in the side o: the lady of the house, who has a little sea seven years old. The other day she said to a neighbour, "I am afraid we shall have to get rid of that parrot — that is, as sure as I am sure of one thing." "What is that?" asked the neighbour. "Whether Johnny is corrupting the parroi, or the parrot is corrupting Johnny."