THE PASSING SHOW

Waikato Times, Volume 127, Issue 21248, 19 October 1940, Page 11 (Supplement)

THE PASSING SHOW

(By “ Free Lance.”)

of the sad fate of university students in having to sit for examinations on Labour Day, we can guess the favourite quotation in the literature answers:— “ Who first invented work, and bound the free And holiday-rejoicing spirit down? ” (Lamb)

Gold shipments have been made by air, thus proving how money flies.

J.J., Wellington: Thanks for note of appreciation. We agree with the moral, “ Be wholesale,” but some of the verses are not altogether timely.

Good news for the troops in Egypt. A Hamilton schoolteacher asked the class this week, “ What is an oasis? ”

“ A hotel In the desert,” was one young hopeful’s definition.

A class at Rawden County School, England, was given this question to answer: “ Who do you think will win the war, and why? ” One youngster wrote this answer: “ England is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland. When mother and father quarrel, mother always wins. England will win.”

The pressure of modern life has aroused a mild protest from a Christchurch business man who was recently fined for an inadvertent offence that shall be nameless, states the Star-Sun. In remitting the fine he writes: “ My shattered financial condition is due to union laws, liquor laws, sis-ters-in-law, mothers-in-law, and outlaws. Through these laws I am compelled to pay business tax, super-tax, school tax, gas tax, excise tax, sales tax, tariff tax, railway tax, petrol tax, and amusement tax. though I have no amusement. My business is so governed that I do not know who owns it. I am inspected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, examined, and re-examined, informed, required, summoned, fined, compelled, and commanded, until I provide an inexhaustible supply of money for every known need, desire, or hope of the human race. Except for the miracle that has happened I could not enclose this cheque. The wolf that comes to so many doors had pups in my kitchen. I sold them and here is the money.”

“ We are firmly determined to eliminate any nation which obstructs the Hacho Ichiiu.”—Japanese Foreign Minister. This dire threat produced an immediate reaction in the sensitive field of international diplomacy. The first to reply was Britain:—

“ My dear Japan, whatever made you think we would obstruct the Hacho Ichiiu? If there’s one thing to which we always allow the right-of-way it’s the Hacho Ichiiu. Britain has proved herself always ready to meet another nation’s Hacho Ichiiu with an equally liberal Hacho Ichiiu.”

America followed:—“ Sounds like a sneeze to us, pal, and the best way to obstruct that is to press the upper lip with the fingers.” Russia, puzzled, wrote: If your Hacho’s itchy, why don’t you scratch it?” Among other replies was a somewhat panic-stricken cable from the New Zealand Government, whose import restrictions still rested uneasily on its conscience: “ Regret inadvertent obstruction Hacho Ichiiu. Please ship twenty gross under fifth period schedule n.e.i.” Hachoichiiu ! ! 1 Pardon me!

COMMENT AND CRITICISM

“ This is a bit thick,” shouted the Irime Minister when Mr S. G. Holland lifted up the ponderous petrol petition for the House to see.

“ A plane game of two-up,” declared a London commentator when an Australian pilot performed the unique feet of bringing down safely two planes locked together.

A lawyer’s wife suing her husband for divorce thought of retaining him as her counsel.

He would be tom between lost love and duty.

It was geography time for a Hamilton class the other day. “ What is the nam« of the inhabitants of Yugoslavia? ” asked the teacher. A girl held up her hand. “ Please, miss, 4 Damnations ’! ”

“ No actor on screen or stage pleases the public who does not please himself.”— Charles Chaplin. Does Charlie expect us to believe that he really enjoyed himself that famous time he ate his boots ?

We don’t want to start an argument as to whether the youth of the nation is fit, but we don’t mind offering as a mild suggestion a little less swing music and a little more swing Indian clubs. We could also observe that Abraham Lincoln was probably a fitter man in his youth than Bing Crosby.

There seems to have been some fun on one of California’s beaches a month or so ago when crepe-rubber bathing suits were ruled out. Seven councillors were deputed to inspect the bathing beauties attired in the suits and one suit snapped like a rubber band and inflicted a blow in the eye to one of the councillors. The committee promptly withdrew—no doubt satisfied that the bathing suits \fcere dangerous. * * * *

Golf club members are to be given cards so that roving golfers may not claim membership in distant clubs. In other words, the visitor on the Stewart Island links will have to produce written evidence to show lie is a life member of the Cape Maria van Diemen club. How regulated is our life by cards, coupons, licenses and certificates, tickets of all shapes, colours and sizes! You need a ticket to drive a car, enter a theatre, pay your taxes; you must have a ticket to prove you are single and between the ages of 19 and 46; your wallet is full of raffle tickets, laundry tickets, petrol tickets, and perjiaps pawn tickets. You paste .a ticket on your fowlhouse to prove that before you bought a rooster you had fewer than 20 fowls; your radio won’t work without a ticket; you paste another on your new car forbidding you to exceed 35 m.p.h. for 500 miles; your factory is full of tickets proving that it has machinery in it; try to sell a dozen oranges without a ticket proving each dozen consistzs of 13, and see how you get on. Your dog wears a ticket round its neck; the mutton you buy has a purple ticket stamped on it; you can’t be bom without a ticket having to be filled in to prove it; your schoolteacher gives you a ticket at the end of each term; attaining manhood, you sink beneath a great avalanche of tickets; it is inevitable that the pearly gates will be guarded by an individual in uniform. You will sign a form, pay your money and receive a ticket. He will clip it for you. But don’t throw it away—the inspector may come round.