Wit & Humour

Waikato Times, Volume 127, Issue 21194, 17 August 1940, Page 18 (Supplement)

Wit & Humour

REAL THING Private: May I have a week’s leave to get married, sir? Captain: But I thought you had a week off last year for the same purpose? Private: I’m afraid I did, sir, but this time it’s the truth. THRILLING The man who had just returned from France was relating a thrilling experience. “Yes,” he said, “an Apache sprang at me in one of the streets of Paris, snatched my pocket-case of notes, and bolted. The gendarmes chased him, and when cornered he leapt into the river—” “Ah!” said a listener. “Guilty but in Seine.” A PLEASURE TRIP “Did you take your wife with you on your trip?” “No, it was a pleasure trip.” WAS HE A DOG? “I understand you told someone I was a dog.” “It wasn’t I. You’re barking up the wrong tree, old chap. HER CHOICE Soldier: Which one of these pictures of me do you like the best?” Girl: The one with the gas mask on. TROUBLE WITH WOMAN May: Ever since Jack got married he’s been having trouble with another woman. Fay: What; an old flame? May: No, his mother-in-law. HIS LAST CRIME An old soldier had been brought before his officer for the crime of having a dirty rifle. “A man of your service ought to know better,” said the C.O. severely. “You are an old soldier, and know quite well what is expected of you. By the way, what was your last crime?” “Having a dirty bow and arrow, sir,” replied the man.

JUST AN ACCIDENT With a wild lurch the motor car swung around the comer and ran slap into a lamp-post. Then six men, who had obviouslybeen celebrating, climbed out of the wreck and stood eyeing it owlishly. Up came a policeman to take particulars, but the spokesman of the party forestalled him. “Sallright, constable,” he said; “no one’s fault. There’s no—hie!—one ! to blame. We were all riding in the j back seat. ■ MIGHT BE WORSE At the Army and Navy Rugger ! match a big spectator with a. very loud voice kept shouting: “Up the Navy!” at frequent intervals to the discomfort of a little man in front. \ During a lull, the latter turned round and said: “Pardon my asking, ! sir. You’ve served in the Navy, I \ suppose?” “Lumme, yes!” bellowed the loud- \ voiced one. “I served in one of . those ‘hush-hush’ ships.” “Ah,” murmured the other. “Thank j goodness you didn’t serve in H.M.S. | ‘Thunderer’!”