THE FATE OF YOUR MARRIAGE

Waikato Times, Volume 127, Issue 21191, 14 August 1940, Page 4

THE FATE OF YOUR MARRIAGE

The Woman Holds the Trump Cards 'J'HE woman who wants to keep her married life happy and secure cannot count on society, convention, the Church, or the law to do this for her. She must do it herself. In this game the trump cards are in the woman’s hands. The success or failure of every marriage rests with the wife. To those about to set forth on the great Adventure, this article is dedicated. It is true that a charming, intelligent woman always has a more lasting 'success than a beautiful one, who relies on her beauty, and who makes no effort to please. By being entertaining, amusing, gay, women can replace what Nature failed to give them. A reputation for entertaining people and giving them a good time makes you more sought after than if you had a large income. This quality is especially worth cultivating if you are not in a position to return the hospitality that is offered to you. If by your charm you help to make the party go. no one holds it against you that you are unable to have a dinner for eight or ten in return. But if you cannot be a conversationalist you can develop the grace of being a good listener. But if you simply haven’t the patience to listen well, then be known for your good bridge, or your pianoplaying. for your tennis or your badminton. What it is doesn’t matter so much, as long as it’s something that gives pleasure to others. Thus far we have been speaking about the allure a woman can have for others besides her own husband. Of course the man who sees his wife acclaimed as charming by other people, feels that society recognises what good taste he showed in selecting a wife, and he is proportionately pleased with himself. And with her. But all the charm you may have for the public is as nothing beside your attractiveness to your husband. Steer Clear of Domestic Worries Conversationally, either on the quiet evening at home or when you are going out together, steer clear of talk of servants, money troubles, complaints. Let your husband have the pleasure of your society without'having also to consider what to do about the servants, and whether the baby should have his torfcfils out. Let him feel that you enjoy him as a man—not merely as the provider of the family and the father of your children—and that you want him to enjoy you as a woman. It is difficult to keep up illusions when living under the same roof, particularly if the quarters are small and two persons must share the same bedroom and bathroom. Just the same, illusions are so important in the relationship between husband and wife that it will be worth all the effort you can make to save them. A woman in the process of making-up is a ridiculous sight. Besides, it is a grave error to give away to her life companion the subterfuges by which her beauty is achieved. The grimaces incidental to putting on mascara or lipstick are funny, but they do not add to a woman’s prestige. Setting a wave, brushing one’s teeth, cutting one’s toe-nails, are indispensable acts. But all these should be done in strict privacy. Keep Your Appearance Neat Men are extremely sensitive to refinement in a woman. They think this is part of being a woman. Untidiness offends them. A face not absolutely clean, a missing button, crooked stockings, rundown heels, soiled gloves—all these are in their eyes inexcusable. Most men are sentimental, too, about a woman’s hair. Only severe illness excuses straggly unkempt locks. We cannot all have the golden, bounteous hair of a Melisande, but we can all keep our hair brushed till it shines, and we can dress it becomingly and neatly. All these things are not a question of finances. Some women are sloppy even in a model dress; and some are neat in a smock. Every woman adds to her attraction by the use of small toilet accessories—perfume, toilet water, bath essences. Sachets in her lingerie add to her allure. I am unable to resist the temptation to be impatient with women who haul their weaknesses into every conversation with their husbands, and will not let them go. Of such is the vast horde which talks about its bad feet, its dental tragedies, its indigestion. I don’t care how much in love you are, a sick person is not a romantic object—Camille notwithstanding. Try not to knuckle under to headaches or backaches or the other ills that flesh is heir to. Your husband will be kind and thoughtful up to a point. After that the hospital atmosphere with which you surround yourself with pall, and he’ll go out and have a round of golf with a girl who is blonde, twenty-one, and in perfect health. Above all, don’t talk about your fat. Your weight is your own business (and possibly your husband’s). But no one else’s. And usually your husband does not want to hear every day how many pounds you have gained or lost. Certainly no one else does. Leave your scales at home when you go out. And keep the worst truth they reveal even from your husband. Being Married is Fun No amount of make-up will eradicate wrinkles caused by nerves or fatigue. No amount of wit will soften a voice made raucous by anxiety. Everyone cannot cannot have a strawberry-and-cream complexion, but everyone can have a skin that is flawlessly clean and smooth. These are things that add to a woman’s grace, and graciousness increases her allure. Marriage is worth all the effort you expend to make a success of it, because being married is fun. This adventure for two, against the world, is perenially thrilling. No other human experience can take the place of sharing one’s life with another person. Someone who belongs to you, to take you when you go out in the evenings. Someone whom you have a right to call on for sympathy and tenderness if tragedy comes close. Someone with whom to share happiness and success, and someone who shares his happiness and his success with you. Marriage gives us a position in the world and a sense of continuity. And the strength of being two, not one. It’s the greatest adventure of alb