WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 125, Issue 20995, 23 December 1939, Page 22 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

COMIC ECONOMIES Housewife: You said I would find that coal an economical kind to buy. Why, it won’t burn at all. Coalman: Well, ma’am, what could be more economical than that? SARCASM The landlady placed before her lodger at breakfast time a plate on which was a little honey. He looked at it for a moment; then he said with an understanding smile; Ah, madame, I see you keep a bee! LOOKED LIKE RAIN Milkman: Good morning, Mrs Brown, it looks like rain today. Mrs Brown: Yes, and you are still charging threepence a pint for it. SILENCE Librark*i: Who’s making that frightful din? Secretary: The caretaker, sir. He’s putting up a silence notice. THE INDIVIDUALIST An inspector boarding a bus was astounded to find the conductor sitting at ease, while a flustered passenger was dashing about collecting fares. “What does this mean?” he demanded. “You sitting there and a passenger doing your work.” “That’s all right,” said the conductor, an ex-seaman. “He’s a stowaway I found on board, and as he can’t pay his fare I’m making him work his passage.” MAKING IT DIFFICULT Sandy was expecting a guest, so there was great preparation at tea time. “Mary,” he said to his wife, “ye’ll be sure to put the best sugar tongs on the table for MacTavish to use?” “The tongs, Sandy?” said she, surprised. “Why, we’ve only got the granulated sugar!” “Aye,” said Sandy. “Ah’m aware o’ that—that’s why I want the tongs in use!” PERFECTLY TRUE Smith: How did you get the day off? Brown: Told the boss I was going to see the dentist. Smith: And are you? Brown: Yes—he’s our best batsman. NOT IN HER LINE The buxom wife had returned from her shopping expedition in a towering temper, and was pouring out her troubles to her patient husband. “That young assistant was intolerably rude to me,” she declared. “Was she, dear?” “Yes. I asked for a coat which would make me look slim and she said she had served her apprenticeship as a saleswoman, not as an illusionist!”