THE PASSING SHOW

Waikato Times, Volume 125, Issue 20989, 16 December 1939, Page 13 (Supplement)

THE PASSING SHOW

(By “Free j-ance“)

WE BURN with anger to think that some bold, bad Communist put sugar into Mr. Semple’s benzine tank at a time when we couldn’t get enough to make a pot of marmalade. • » • • Headline: “Totalisator Returns.” It’s cheering to know that one source of revenue has come back to the district. “Wisecrack” in a current film: “The wise men of one generation are the old women of the next.” Two men who spent last week-end in gaol for fighting in the street were declared on Monday morning to be “the best of friends.” Is that why it’s called “the cooler?” A newspaper contributes the following headlines in its war news: “The Russian Push Continued : Waist of Finland.” This seems to imply that the Finns will be squeezed to the last breath. * * • • Our small cousin was full of excitement when the longed-for day arrived when she was to start school. Home at lunch time, “And how do you like school, dear,” asked mother. “It was lovely, mummy,” cried Barbara, and I’m in Primer I already.” • • • • One of the outstanding features of the week has been the recognition of a transformation in the rubber and tin outlook.— Cabled news. Says Adolf to Hermann, “The average German “Is getting alarmingly thin. “I fear this condition “Means faulty nutrition. “Let’s feed ’em on rubber and tin.” Says President Franklin, “The war debts are ranklin’, “This time we refuse ‘to be in.’ “Instead of armed forces “We’ll give our resources, “And sell you our rubber and tin.” Says cunning old Stalin, * “They think my brain’s failin’, “To tackle the land of the Finn. “But by Omsk and by Tomsk “I know what I wantsk, “I’m after their rubber and tin.” Says the Honourable Walter, The big Sole Importer, “State housing to stop is a sin. “We’ve sworn to erect a “Lot more, and by Hector “We’ll build ’em of rubber and tin.”

COMMENT AND CRITICISM

“My wife and I have separated.” “Well, well, what’s the trouble?” “No trouble at all now. We’ve separated.” • * • • It was certainly foolish to suggest "that the Farmers’ Union discussed a remit that the farmers should not go out for a fortnight. Nobody would be so foolhardy as to make such a suggestion to our tons of soil. Pardon me, sons of toil. • * • • The British idea of keeping fit by taking a few week-ends in the country seems to be working out better than the Nazi motto of keeping fit by taking a few countries in the week-ends. • • • , The shortage of baling wire has been put to some account by one farmer, who obtained a good supply and has virtually established a corner in the hay-baling industry in his district. He considers his need is more pressing. A mother of our acquaintance had been taking a tonic for some time when one of the causes of it all, watching her take the dose one day, asked: “Why do you take that stuff, Mum?” “That’s to keep me from getting cross with you, dear,” was the reply. “Oh,” said the little one. “Well, it doesn’t seem to have done you much good yet.” • • • • It was offertor> r time at the afternoon service in a Waikato township, and two senior Sunday School boys had the job of passing the plate. All the pews done, they stood at the rear waiting to march together to the front for the dedication of the offer - ing. . “Who gave the most?” asked one in a whisper that could be heard all over the church. “Mrs. ,” replied the second, in an equally hoarse whisper. “Half-a-crown.” • * • • An inebriated one propped up against the bar of a local hostelry the other day shouted: “Hitler is a horse's neck!” A fellow nearby knocked the glass out of his hand. Whereupon he called for another drink and announced determinedly: “I still say Hitler’s a horse’s neck!” The bystander acted and this time the 1.0. found himself on the floor. He looked up with glassy eyes and asked indignantly: “Say, where am I—in Germany?” “No, fella,” was the reply. “You’re in the Waikato—and we have a lot of respect for horses here!”