WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 125, Issue 20953, 4 November 1939, Page 14 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

FINAL ARGUMENT Susan gave a gasp of dismay as she saw her younger sister parading down the path in her newest raincoat. “Hi!” she stormed. “What’s the big idea—swanking around in my new mac?” “Dash it all, Susie,” retorted the younger one, seemingly hurt, “can’t you see it’s going to rain?” “Yes, but what’s that to do with me?” “Well, you wouldn’t want your new frock ruined by rain, would you?” SOME ARM “Last night Joe tried to put his arm round me three times.” “I say, some arm.” DISAPPOINTED IN LOVE Bank “Were you ever disappointed in luve?” Hank: “Yes. twice.” Bank: “Really! What happened?” Hank. “The first girl jilted me, the second didn’t”

WORN OUT “No,” growled the quartermaster, “you can’t have a new pair of boots. The pair you have are not worn out.” “Not worn out,” cried the recruit, “I don’t know about that. Why, if I step on sixpence I can feel if it’s heads or tails.” AVOIDING DAMPNESS Patient: “Say, doc, do you remember last year when you cured my rheumatism? You told me to avoid dampness.” Doctor: Yes. And what’s wrong now?” Patient: “Well, now can I take a bath?” REASON FOR GLOOM “You look very downcast.” “Yes. My wife has been away for six months.” “Well!” “I wrote her -every week and said I was spending my evenings at home. She's back now, and the electric light bill has just arrived. It's half a crown!”

ANCIENT HISTORY Sonny was doing his homework and had got stuck. Father: Well, what is the problem? Read it out. Sonny: A woman received one pound from her husband as housekeeping money. This was not sufficient, so she asked her husband— Father: That’s not arithmetic—that’s ancient history. DOING THE RIGHT THING “Doctor, come at once! The baby swallowed my fountain pen!” “I’ll be right over! What are you doing in the meantime?” “Using a pencil.”

AN EARLY START His wife was reading aloud a newspaper account of a fashionable wedding. “It says the bride and bridegroom will spend the honeymoon motoring in different parts of the British Isles?” “Ah!” he murmured. “It’s started as earlv as that, has it?” MILEAGE He -was turning his car in after one year. The dealer knew him and remarked that he didn’t suppose he had driven 35,000 miles in the year. “Well,” he exclaimed, "its like this, 500 represents trips, the rest is looking for parking places.”