THE PASSING SHOW

Waikato Times, Volume 125, Issue 20953, 4 November 1939, Page 13 (Supplement)

THE PASSING SHOW

MR NASH, we can grin and bear it when you cut down our chewing gum, anhydrous ammonia, fire extinguishers and beeswax, but try and make us do without our cup of tea and see what happens. The war is reported to have brought the British film industry to a standstill. How we wish America would enter the war! • • • • The way the fruitgrowers treated Mr Nash’s generous offer to buy all that fruit gives us the pip. •» • « • For Heaven’s sake don’t tell some of our fed-up cockies that Samuel Marsden landed the first cow in the Dominion. They’ll never go near a church again. • c • • Spinning Wheel, a Whangarei Cup candidate, has been bowling along freely in her recent preparation.—Racing note. Goodness, we thought that horse was retyred long ago. • • * • The few who backed Sub-Editor in the Waikato Hunt Cup may be fortunate, but think how much they would have lost if he hadn’t won! • • • » Goot news, Hermann. Moscow I haf brought to heel. It is der turning point of der war. Yes, mine Fuehrer. But pardon mine extreme ignorance—which way will it turn ? It will certainly be a novelty if the Army starts issuing certificates to recruits who are rejected as physically unfit. “ This is to certify that Oswald Smith is a physical wreck” doesn’t seem to be much of an adornment for the study wall. Those who were keen enough to enlist, but unfortunate enough to have a defect that put them out of the running, may or may not like such a lasting reminder. If they want to issue certificates of unfitness we can suggest plenty of places where they would be welcome. Declare our lawn mower unfit, declare us unfit to work more than two hours a day, declare our wife unfit to drive the car, or the car unfit to be driven by her. In fact, declare the whole miserable world unfit for us to live in.

COMMENT AND CRITICISM (By "Fret lum")

This Sunday School story is true. Teacher: Who was it who slew Goliath? Pupil: Pop-eye the sailorman! • • • • It was a great relief when the American neutrality debate ended. We feared they would talk so much they would decide by mistake to sell munitions to themselves. (Not a bad idea, at that.) Major “Johnny” Allen is so good at taking his fences we are looking forward to the day he has a go at the Siegfried Line. • • • • There wath a young fellow named Kenneth Who thaid with a lithp, “I thay, Dennith, There’th only one plathe, where you don’t hurt your fathe When you fall on the thtreet, and that’th Venith.” • • • • The announcement of Hitler’s war programme gives us an idea that may end the war. He plans to send the French to Africa and settle 30,000,000 Germans in France. He also plans to settle a few more in Poland and East Prussia. No doubt he will shortly plan to send the British to Peru and settle a few more million in Albion. Now, what we propose to the War Office is this. Simply let Hitler carry out his schemes for rilling the wide open spaces, then walk in and occupy an empty Germany. Please keep this plan secret—the Nazis have agents everywhere. • • • • A Hamilton resident visiting Sydney set out to view the Blue Mountains, arming himself with a hefty stick against snakes, the terror of New Zealanders in Australia. Home again, hot bath and into bed. In the small hours he awakened, sat up in bed with his hair standing on end. At the foot of the bed there was a soft rustling. Not daring to breathe, he considered his line of action. Near the door, he remembered, was his stout stick. His courage mounting at the thought, with one bound he hurled back the clothes to smother the reptile and leapt for the light switch and his stick. Back he crept to the bed, and brought his stick down with all his force. With a blood-curdling “meow!” the four-footed “snake” made a bee-line for the window.