WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 122, Issue 20504, 21 May 1938, Page 16 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

NOT SO HOT "Well,” said the golfer, "what do you think of my game?” "I suppose it's all right,” replied the caddie, “but I still prefer golf.” ENOUGH TO GO ON WITH This letter was received by a Southwark schoolmaster "Pleas* 3 excuse John for being away yesterday. He played truant. But please don’t lick him. The two boys he was with licked him, a lorry driver lie hung on to licked him, a man who owned a dog he hit licked him. the greengrocer licked him for taking in apple. I licked him when he came home, and his father licked him when h p came home. So you need not. lick him this time.” "SHIRTING” HIS DUTY The referee had given a number of dubious decisions against the visiting side, which drew some catcalls from their small body of supporters. Stopping the game, the referee argued hack heatedly.Keep your shirt on. ref.!" shouted one of the heme adherents. "He can't! It's already on the home team !" jeered another away follower.

AHA I “My brother certainly made his mark in the world-" "Mine couldn't write either.” OMISSION Mistress: You’re leaving to-morrow? I thought you were supposed to give me a week’s notlcel. Cook: I know’, ma’am, but I forgot to tell you last week. HIS TURN "Why are you crying, sonny?” asked the kindly stranger of the sobbing boy. “Because he,” pointing to another boy, "punched me." "Then why didn’t you punch him back ?" "Because it would have been his turn again.” ABSENT-MINDED A man called upon his old friend, the family doctor, at Christmas time. After' chatting for a couple of hours the doctor saw him to the door, and *<s he was shaking hands said: "Come again soon, old chap; family all well, I suppose?” "Goodness!” exclaimed the visitor, "that reminds me of my errand. My wife's in a fit!”

AN AMERICAN TOUCH Lady: Why should a great, strong man like you be found begging? Beggar: It’s the only profession I know in which a gentleman can address a beautiful woman without an introduction. AHA! A colonel in one of the Bengal regiments once complained at a party that because of the ignorance and inattention of the officers lie was obliged to do the whole duty of the regiment. Said he: "I am my own major, my own captain, my own lieutenant, my own ensign, my own sergeant, and ” "Your own trumpeter," said a woman present.

MISUNDERSTOOD The goalkeeper of Ihe local football t*>am fancied himself as a player, and imagined that he alone deserved the applause which the crowd gave his team on their lucky days. He was rather surprised, however, when some of his "fans" rushed forward at the end of a mutch in which he had let six through and started to carry him shoulder high off the field. "Look here, you chaps." he protested. "Cut out this hero-worship stuff. Ini not used 1o being carried back to the pavilion.” "The pavilion nothing. ’ snorted one of the "fans." "It's the river you're going to."