Wit & Humour

Waikato Times, Volume 121, Issue 20278, 21 August 1937, Page 12

Wit & Humour

AN OUTLET. Sergeant: So the burglar escaped? Did you guard all the exits ? New Constable: Yes, sir. But we think he left by one of the entrances? TACT. Hostess: Oh, I’m so glad to see you here. General. Genetal: Thank you. Hostess: But, General, I hope you won't take It personally If 1 say that I’m opposed to war. EXACTLY. “Do you know what’s wrong with your playwriting?" “I can t imagine.” “That’s it, exactly.” THE REASON “I wish you wouldn’t keep whispering that tune over and over again.” “But I’ve got to. There are twenty verses ” YES, HOW? “You often cook much more for dinner than we use, darling.’’ “Of course! If I didn’t, how could I economise by making left-over dishes ?" OUT OF ORDER. Little Marjorie, who had been allowed to attend the party, left her chair and walked over and attempted to whisper to her mother i “Now, dear,” said the mother, “if you have anything to say, please talk so that everyone can hear ” “Oh, all right, Mummy, but I was going to say that Bishop Jones helped himself to more biscuits and Jam when you weren’t looking.” PROVIDED FOR. Mrs Murphy: What! You're going to marry that hard-up lodger of yours? What on earth are you going to live on? Mrs O’Flynn: We’ll be all right. The poor fellow owes me enough to keep us in comfort for years. OF COURSE. He: Last night T dreamed that I married the most beautiful woman In the world.

She: How lovely! And were we happy?

TRUE TO TYPE,

Magistrate: What on earth has the plumber returned to the dock for? Clerk: lie has forgotten his sentence, sir. FIRST THINGS FIRST. Railway Surveyor: The company wants to run a line through here. Farmer Giles: What! Through my big barn? Railway Surveyor: Yes. Farmer Giles: Ah, well you can’t. I've got a hpn sitting. A DISH TO FIT. A newly-married woman entered an Ironmonger's shop and asked—- “ Have you a pie-dish eighteen Inches long and four inches wide? “I’m sorry, madam, but I’m afraid we haven’t. What Is It for?” asked the Ironmonger. “Just to stew some rhubarb,” was the startling reply. THEY FELL OUT. An unemployed chauffeur was interviewing a prospective employer. “And what was the reason for your leaving your last position?” asked tha employer. “The master and mistress fell out.” "That was hardly a reason for your leaving.” “Oh, it was, sir; they fell out of the car.” ITS VALUE. “You think more of that old wireless *et than you do of me.” Well, 1 get less interference from