The Passing Show.

Waikato Times, Volume 119, Issue 19887, 16 May 1936, Page 15 (Supplement)

The Passing Show.

TO THE EDITOR, Sir, —The reason why we do not, as a people, observe Father’s Day is that father is understood to have had it before he was married. —The Boy. * * * From now on they should call it Grabys6inia. m • m I suppose it is only reasonable to assume the Italians all shouted Harrar when they oa-ptured it. * * • • Bachelors are said to he viewing with grave alarm the Government’s intention of forcing all and sundry into unions. • « r • A prominent vo-calist says that when singing we should clench something in our hands. I generally do —the soap. Many married pe-ople to-day, I learn authoritatively, manage to patch up their old quarrels until they are as good as new. Some men have iron in their souls, I read in a novel recently. Personally, I would sooner have brass in my pocket. The man who said that “the reckless driver must go” meant well. The fact is they do go. * * • * New definition of luck: A Scotsman finding a bottle of whisky and a bottle of aspirins. When that Fair Rents Bill comes down I intend to produce the shirt I used for gardening last summer. It has the finest collection I have yet seen. * * * They recently had a great breach of promise case in England, and one paper said “Jury give-s nurse £2OOO for kiss.” Whereupon another paper said that the price was not too high for kissing some of the juries it had seen. It seems strange to me, but the facts are there. Last year Mr Coates converted a loan and the subscriptions amounted to over £10,000,000 and the Opposition said that it only showed the state of the market. Now, the critics convert a loan and 34 per cent, of it is left to the underwriters, but the former critics hold that it demonstrates the confidence of the investors. One of the real problems about my finance Is the complete absence of underwriters. There is a big business waiting for the man who commences underwriting in New Zealand. * • • • Would a competition be in order for the best suggestion of how to excuse oneself when dining out and the conversation, after dinner, turns to golf. During the week I went out to dinner. After a sustaining meal we—that is, the enthusiasts, of whom I am not one—played eighteen holes at Rotorua, did a round, en passant, at Okoroire, plodded round St. Andrews, asked each other if we had played “Old Nick” at Shirley, carefully Inspected the championship course at New Plymouth, and finished up, well into the night, at either Ayr or was it Gleneag-les? Mind you, I did my best. I played a great game. A much better game than I ever played before I gave my clubs away. As a monopoliser of conversation golf Is outstanding.

Comment and Criticism.

By “Free Lance.”)

Some motorists are so reckless that they don’t give a hoot for pedestrians. About all the modern girl knows about hair-pins Is that they are bends in the road. According to a famous magician, sawing through a woman has always been a popular illusion. So ha-s seeing through one. * * * New definition: A oynic is one who thinks it is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and won. * * * Trade Union officials, we are assured, will not be empowered to investigate in private homes. My wife, who says a woman’s work is never done, is entering a strong protest. Before a recent heavyweight contest one of the boxers objected to the colour of the shoes worn by his opponent. Later, I’ll bet he took a dislike to the fellow’s socks, too. Nothing scares the life out of a farmer half so much as to pick up a newspaper and read that the Government is going to do something for him. * • • • “Why,” asks a writer, “can’t Europeans live as one big family?” Probably the trouble is that it seems to live as most big families. “Many married couples dine out together once a week” I read in an English journal. I expect the considerate husband likes his wife to rest her wrists after a spell of daily tin-opening. From an archaelogical magazine: “A chain of clubs has been formed on the Continent for the purpose of carrying out systematic excavations.” They must be different from the usual golf clubs. The linotyplst who set the line about “tho everlasting martial troubles aired in the divorce court” assures me he did not mean that the marital state was necessarily a stator war. * * * This is how he put it. “The Government is going to adjust mortgages on the basis of guaranteed price*. There is no guaranteed price, therefore there is no mortgage.” I have passed the information on to my mortgagee. * * * One of the prizes at a bridge party at Claudelands recently was a large gardenroller. One player said he would never go through such a terrible ordeal again. When he thought he was quite safe he got a handful of trumps and nearly won the thing. Advertisement (to be inserted when someone interested adds another 6d to my contribution) : "All those desirous of preserving the Old School Tie and its traditions are urged to attend a meeting on the top of Garden Place Hill (if still there) next week to form a trades union.'* LIFE. She nearly wed a millionaire, A sort of touch and go, She did all the touch, He did all the go.