IN THE LONDON COURTS.

Waikato Times, Volume 107, Issue 17985, 2 April 1930, Page 10

IN THE LONDON COURTS.

SOIltlE HUMOROUS INTERLUDES. (From the London Daily Mail.) Woman at West London: My husband said, “ I’m going to be guv’nor,” and hit me on the head. V 4> * * Air Metcalfe, the Greenwich magistrate, to motorist: You are unfit to drive anything that runs on wheels, unless it be a perambulator. Jfc •£ * Husband at Highgate: When my wife attacked me I acted in a constitutional manner and called a policeman. * # # * Solicitor at Alarylebonc County Court: What is your occupation ? Debtor: My wife goes out to work. * v * 9 Mr Bingley, the Marylebone magistrate: You cannot get drunk on two glasses of bitter. * « * a Willesden Alan: My “ missus ” was under tile influence of drink, the lodger hit me on the head with a lookingglass, and then we all started twisting each other’s noses. «s * 5 » Tottenham Alagistrate: Did the constable accompany you to the police station ? Reveller: I seem to remember a whole crowd of constables.

Sergeant at West London: The defendant walked up and down the pharge-room with his hard felt hat on pros sways, shouting, “ Napoleon crossing the Alps.” • Then he put his hat on straight, saying, “ Napoleon returns.”

Scaffolder seeking compensation at West London County Court: If I look at a scaffold now the sight of it makes me giddy.

The Registrar at Marylebone County Court: When a man says he feels a headache coming on it generally means that he wants a day off. 0 9 S> *8 Alan at Tottenham: They say I was cut. Solicitor: AVhat does that mean? Alan: That I was drunk. Sjt $ V 9 Woman at Kingston-on-Thmaes: She pulled my head to pieces, and of course I had to go to a doctor with it. # =f * o Constable at Willesden: The prisoner lias a birLhduy once a quarter—every time he draws his army pension. v * v * Alan aL Tottenham: I made a resolution never to drink again, but on celebrating it the drink got. me down. « © 9 e* Prisoner at Cherlsey: A public-house is often spoken of as a chemist’s shop. c * * * Witness at West Ham: 1 have spent £2O on clothing my daughter. Mr St. John Morrow, the magistrate: On frocks? Mr Justice MoCardie would be very much shocked lo hear j that, ,

Alotorist at Acton: I was on the right all right when I was on my left.

Woman at Stratford: He started practising Camera [the giant Italian boxer] on me.

Defendant: I wish I was him. I should get a lot more cash than I do now.

Mr Halkett, the Alarylebone magistrate : The real trouble in this country is that a large proportion of the population expect to have everything without working for it.

Alotorist at Kingston: I sold my car for £3 as “scrap” and forgot to notify the change of ownership.

Air Justice McKinnon, in the King’s Bench Division: It is quite true that far more people can tell you the name of Tottenham Hotspur’s centre forward than can tell you the name of tlie Archbishop of A'ork. I know the one, but not the other.

Defendant at Penge: I did not want to take too much drink, but I met it.

* * •+ * Alagistrate at Highgate: Is the woman your mother-in-law? Woman: No; my husband’s mother.

Constable at West London: The man was lying on the pavement with his arms round a lamp-post.

Solicitor at Willesden: Have 'you been kind to your wife? Alan: Much the same as other husbands. I have only assaulted her three times.

Wife at North London: My husband is such a villain he even killed tlie parrot—he wrung its neck on the doorstep.

Judge Turner at Westminster County Court: How can a man have a run for his money when he hasn’t a leg to stand on?

Solicitor at Alarylebone County Court: The dates on the railway excursion tickets had been altered to make them valid for ordinary trains. The Registrar (Air T. VaughanRoderick) : I know that is very wrong, because I once did it myself when a schoolboy. * * * v Willesden Woman: Aly husband is a for stronger and more vigorous man than I shall ever be.

Woman at Tottenham: Black eyes are so degrading that I could not leave tlie house.

Alotorist charged with dangerous driving at Romford, Essex: The constable gave me a straight look and I thought, subconsciously, that something was going to happen.

„ ■ • .. ■ “Why did your husband leave you?” asked the Tottenham magistrate. Wife: Because I told him to be home earlier than 10 p.m. 3 * * * Young Wife to Husband at Tottenham: it you were deau and biiriru i ml would tie 100 good for you; your body would poison the earth.

Solicitor at Willesden: Are you not a violent man? Prosecutor: Of course I am a man, being the father of 13 children. 999 ' 9 Mr Heather, the Stratford magis- j trate: Tipple by name and tippler by nature. • Prisoner: But I didn’t want the name. Mr Heather: You must blame your parents. * * * » ; Woman at Wood Green: My husband started wrestling with me at the top of the stairs. One of 'us had to go down the stairs, and he did.