WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 107, Issue 17976, 22 March 1930, Page 2 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

ALIBL Butler (having heard noises in the library): “ Js that you, my lord?" Burglar: “Yus, mi ley!" EXAGGERATING. The tremendously-healthv man who that he felt as fit as a string quartette. iMISLED. A poacher told the magistrates that although he had three rabbits in each of the two special pockets in bis trousers he passed several policemen without arousing suspicion. Perhaps they thought he was wearing the latest thing in plus-fours!

an optimist. The man who planted a bulb so as to grow his own electric plant. WHAT GAN ONE EXPECT. A man has just been taken to hospotai after swallowing a safety razor blade. He’ll probably be quite cut up over the. affair. ONLY NATURAL. A man who was caught entering an Jncome-tax office at night said he did so because be was hungry. He just wanted to flit u-p bis form I INCONSIDERATE. A trade journal declares that saxophones will be much cheaper in 1930. It might let us get over this year’s troubles first! JUST THE DIFFERENCE. The old-fashioned girl took a shattered romance to heart. Modern ones I take it to court. | s NEEDED A CHANGE. Doctor: What is your profession? Patient (pompously) : I’m a gentleman. “Well, you’ll have to try something else; it doesn’t seem to agree with you.” SIMPLE. The blacksmith’s daughter who yuanlcd to join The Anvil Chorus. [

FRUITLESS. The sermon had been about the Fall of Man. “Well, David,” asked one farmer of another, after Ihe service, “and what did ye think o’ it?" “Oh!” David replied, “the sermon was all right, hut 1 was just thinkin’ what a difference it wad hae made Lo the history o’ the world if I’d been in Adam's place. Yc see, 1 don’t like apples.” HALF TRUTHS, The young man: I’ve come lo see you about your daughter. Girl's father: Too late—she eloped last night with a young fool who has no money. “You'ro right about the money—but I’m not a fool.”

STILL SHELLING. Sea cook (sarcastically to new helper) : Ever been on a ship before? Helper: Yes, 1 was a gunner in the navy at the Battle of Jutland. Sea Cook: Oh! Well, start rigrhl away, mate, and shell the peas! I J EXAMPLE. “Do you know why I am going to whip you, Artie?” “No, dad; why?” “Because you hit a hoy smaller than yours el f.” “Oh, 1 thought ft was p'rtaps ’cos I'm smaller than you. , —— CONDITIONAL STOP. He: Darling, would you go with me like this to the end of the world? She: Yes, Henry. But you know I mustn't he home late for supper. EXPERIENCE HAD TAUGHT. “That makes three times you have cut me,” exploded the man in the barber’s chair. “Where’s the head barber?" He’s gone out to get a shave sir,” replied the barber soothingly. NO OPTION. First Cook: And yer mean to say yer kept yer larst job two months? Yer must ’avo liked it. Second Cook: We was a cruisin’ all the time in a steam yacht, and 1 couldn't swixa,