HE WAS TOO "CUR'US,"

Waikato Times, Volume XXXIX, Issue 3187, 26 November 1892, Page 5 (Supplement)

HE WAS TOO "CUR'US,"

" Young man," said Davy, leaning forward and tapping Jack's sleeve, warningly, "don't you be cur'us! I'm jes' comin' from the fun'rol of a man who was cur'us! Tell you what, he was the most cur'usest man the Lord ever turned loose— he was that! An , he was allua so —yes, sir ! Taggert hie name wus, Davy Taggert. My, when he wasn't nothin' but a baby he got a present of a Noah's ark. Pretty soon he was awful sick. Come to find out he'd eatan Shein, two sheep, and half a elephant; wanted to see what they wuz made of. When he was a bit bigger he put his band in a hornet's net to see if they'd sting as bad as Bill Hervy said they would. He was mos' blind for a spell. One day he climbed up the ladder of his pa's windmill to find out what made the tin rooster p'int difFrunfc ways at diflVunt times. There come a cyclone. He was

blownd off. The doctor had to set his right arm an' his left log. He was just as contrairy as he was cur'us. What didn't consarn him he wouldn't let alone. An' he was as unfortinet as he was contrairy. But that was the nateral evolutionment of his cussedness.

" Now, there was Elihu Burns went and tole him how hay dropped through the new-fangled shoots in the Widder Smith's barn faster'n lightuin'. What does that young limb of Davy Taggert do buc goes up into the loft an' lets hisself slide down with the hay—jes' to find out. Bumped ! The bump of his head wuz the size of a turkey's aig, not to chroniclate the fact that old Bet nearly chew'd his pants off afore he scrambled out.

" Next ? Well, there weren't any special next with him. It was all next. His pa came to die. I expect 'twus conflusteration about Davy that caused the decease. Anyhow, once he heard if a person drank p'izen and then drank lots of warm water with mustard in it, it wouldn't hurt him a speck, so when he found a little bottle marked " Pizon," he drank what wuz in it. Then he started to get the mustard and water. But he flopped a-scrog-gin in no time. They run for the doctor. He comt; with a stomach pump. After jots of work he guessed Davy wouldn't die yet f< r awhile.

" ' Davy," cries his mother, ' will ye promise me ye will stop investigationing V « < I—yup ! —will—when I find out all I want—yup !—to know ?" Finally Davy growed up. He got a girl. She was a nice girl. He made up his mind to marry her. He asked her what her pa died of. What her grandpa died of. What her grandaunt died of. If she was skeerd of mice. If she liked children. If she could make bread. If she ate ouions. If she was wasteful with starch. If she put up sauerkraut the way his ma did. And if she liked ministers. I don't know what she said to the rest, but she answered :

"' I dont't like the average minister.'

" ' Come to my arms,' says Davy, " I'll make you Mrs. Taggert.' '•'' Not much,' she says, ' 1 haven't a hankerin' fur preachers, but thny ain't as ornery as a man that wants to know a blame sight too lni'ch.'

' 'An' she married a preacher. As for Davy, they sent him up to Geneva Lake to vegetate. On the beach he met a lovely woman. They got to talkin'. He was slicked up, ye see. An' pretty soon he thought she was as nice as could be. " ' Don't ye think I am a mighty nice fellah ?" he says. "'Oh, yes!' she says, but she looked scared. "Hβ wusn't. He was a regular little gopher of a chap. He had jerky ways and gimlet eyes. " ' Air "ye old ?' he asked. " 'Twenty-two,' says she. " 'Have ve corns?' "'One.'" " ' How much do ye weigh ?' '"One hundred and twenty.' " ' Are you engaged ?" " ' If there are- any more questions you'd like to ask," she replied somewhat tartly, "my husband will answer them, Tobias !" "Tobias, he come. Davy got off with a pair of black eyes that time. He started West. In Omaha he got a job sellin' soap. That suited him. There was an enquiry in it. He used to ask every one that passed, ' Do you use Apple's soap ?' " "One day there was a motur comin.' Davy he run. ' I want to find out,' he said, ' if I can't git ahead of it V An' he shooted along the track. I'm on my way home from his fun'rol. They took him up with blottin' paper. Here's my station. Good-by. Don't be cu'rus boys. A man don't need to know too much, any nior'n a cat needs two tails ! Good luck !"