ELECTRIC BELLS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXXVII, Issue 3026, 5 December 1891, Page 1 (Supplement)

ELECTRIC BELLS.

" Darklingi3ourne ! " Tommy Apes cried out to the porter, in a voice loud enough to be heard all over Euston. " Don't you understand ? Darklingbourne—Sir Charles Noodie's place ; are you deaf ?"

"Yes, sir; no, sir. I'll have it put all right, sir; only I thought you said Rottenborough." And he run off to get the luggage relabelled.

'• Confound Rottenborough ! " grumbled Tommy Apes, with an affection of anger, as he scrambled into a first-class compartment.

As a matter of fact, the young subaltern, instead of being annoyed, was delighted at the porter's blunder, for it had given him an opportunity of letting those about him know that he was hound for a place no less fashionable than the country house of the groat banker and distinguished politician, Sir Charles Noodie.

" These porters are very stupid," said one of the two gentlemen, who, coming into the same compartment as Tommy, had noticed his apparent annoyance.

" Stoopid, doosed stoopid ! " replied Tommy, fixing his glass in his eye, and gazing earnestly at the speaker. " Jusfc imagine, he didn't know whero Sir Charles Noodie's place was—thought it was Rottenborough !"

" Absurd!" said the stranger, at the same time repressing a smile. "They'll be wondering no#ct where Windsor Castle is."

" Ya-as, downright monstrous !" said Tommy, as he flung himself into a corner of the carriage, and turned his attention to the perusal of a sporting paper.

The two other gentlemen in the compartment also devoted themselves to their newspapers, until the train had steamed out of the station and was well into the country. Then the same gentleman who had before addressed Tommy, lowering his newspaper for a moment, said :

" Pardon me, sir ; but isn't Braxby Hall somewhere near Darklingbourne?"

" Oh, old Squire Cheery's place !" said Tommy, eager to show his knowledge of country people. " Well, it's in Doltshire, too; but you can hardly call it Darklingbourne."

"Ah ! I only enquired because I see here," said the gentleman pointing to the newspaper, " that there has been a burglary there."

" By George !" exclaimed Tommy Apes, intensely interested. " You don't say so."

" Oh, yes ; but nothing seems to have been stolen," added the gentleman quickly.

"I suppose," said Tommy, with a loud laugh, " that was because there was nothing worth stealing. Old Cheery is as poor as a church mouse."

The stranger laughed quietly at Tommy's little joke. Then he said, after a moment's silence :

" I can't understand why people should keep valuables at their country houses; it seems to me so dangerous. Yet I believe many people do."

" Yes, of course they do," said Tommy. Then, desirious of allowing his intimate knowledge of the domestic arrangements of the fashionable Noodies, he proceeded, " Now there's Lady Noodie, for instance. She keeps the bulk of her jewels at her town house, but some of them are always at .Darklingbourne, even when she herself is not there. She told me so herself." And Tommy lay back in his seat with a consequential air. He felt that he was deeply impressing the stranger. "Do you think chat's wise ?" asked that gentleman. "If I were in her position, I certainly should not keep such valuables in a lone country house, Why, it seems to me almost like holding out an incentive to burglary." " Ah, but precautions can be taken against burglary," said Tommy.

" Well, of course they can," replied the stranger, with a dubious shake of the head, " hut I should not rely on them. No precautions, to ray mind can be sufficient.''

" Oh, yes, they can," said Tommy, very positively. " For instance, Sir Charles Noodie says that ho defies a mouse to entor Darklingbourno at night without his knowledge,"

" What precautions has ho taken thon ?" asked tho stranger.

" Well, ho has had eloorrie bolls put to every door and window in

tin* house. Those aro all duly pot at ton o'clock each night, and after that not a door nor shutter can bo movod without an alarm hoing

givon." "A very sensible dovice," .said tlio .strangerapprovingly, "and ono which I should certainly adopt if I wore so fortunate as to own a country scat." So far the second stranger had taken no part in the conversation. He had, howover, boon listening to it with sonio interest. Now at last ho spoke: "I remember," lie said, smiling slightly at the recollection. "I remembor once when I was stopping at a country house, an amusing practical joke being played by a clever young fellow who was staying there, too. The houso was got up just as you say Sir Charles Noodio's is—every window and door was secured by alarm bells Woll. one night just before bedtime this young fellow started a conversation about burglars. All the men were loud in protesting what they should do if the alarm sounded—they'd dash upstairs in the dark, or rush out into the lawn, or do something else very brave and reckless. Just in the middle of their boasting two or three alarm bells went off, and you never saw such a panic. Not a soul of them showed a sign of doing anything except shivering with fear, until the young fellow, bursting into a loud laugh, explained how it was all a joke. He had bribed the page boy to sec off the two bolls in his bedroom at eleven o'clock precisely." "By George!" cried Tommy, roaring with laughter, "that's what

I call a rare good joke—doosed good! 'Pon my word, I should like to try it on to-night." " Well," said the gentleman, hesi-

tating. "I don't know so much about that—still, it would hardly be fair to the ladies, to give them such a fright?" " But there are not any ladies at Darklingbourne just now," replied Tommy. " It's a man's party, half a dozen of us down for a week's shooting. Lady Noodie's in town," The first stranger thought a moment, and then shook his head. " I suppose," he said," " I'm too old and nervous now to appreciate practical jokes such as that. I presume, however, to a young fellow like you they're very amusing ; but I must say I don't like them." " Well," said the .second stranger, "I don't know much about the right and the wrong of the affair, but I do know that the young fellow I spoke of gained a great deal of kudos by his trick. It was talked of among his friends and acquaintances for some months after." "I suppose, though," said the first stranger, " that the men he made ridiculous resented it ?" "He didn't take that much to heart, I expect," replied the second stranger. "Neither should I," put in Tommy ; " in fact, I should rather like to make myself disagreeable to one or two of the men who are to be at Darklingbourne. I'd like awfully to show them tip." Here the convei'sation ceased, but Tommy sat for some time in silence, thinking over the project, and the more he considered it the moro he liked it. Two or throe of his fellow guests at Darklingbourne wore superior and supercilious persons. Tommy thought what a pleasure it would be to him to "tako thorn down a peg," and thon the thing was so easily managed! There would be no occasion to bribe even the page boy. His own servant was to meet him at Darklingbourne station, and he might be his accomplice, and Sam Pipeclay was to be relied upon.

Ag the train drew up at Eottenborough, both Tommy's fellow travellers rose to leave. Both were, it appeared, going the same journey. As they got out the one who had suggested the joke asked, with a smile, if Tommy intended to carry k out. "Don't you fear," said Tommy ; " it's too good a chance to lose." The second traveller said nothing, but the shake ho gave with his head showed that he was strongly opposed to such pleasautries. A few minutes later and the train stopped at Darklingbourne station. Sam Pipeclay was there. On driving to the house, Tommy communicated in greatest confidence his design to Sam, who without demur or criticism—he was a military man and obeyed orders—undertook to discharge his part. Tommy Apes found the other guests already assembled when he reached Darklingbourne; and as ho glanced round at them he thought of his joke, and almost laughed with delight. "What a sight those very distinguished individuals would present when the norveshaking alarm bell sounded. Thore was the »rent and Right Honourable Ashby Babbler—-who was accustomed to defy what he called che brutal and insatiable democracy--how small lie would look under the shock ! There was Captain Hammer — a lordly heavy dragoon — and Major Prod more, of the Lancers, both of them the veriest carpet knights, and both ot them utterly detested by Lieutenant Apes, whose regiment was not quite so smart as theirs. If they showed the white feather, as Tommy firmly believed thev would, how delightful it would be. As for Mr Jeremiah Mauder, late Conservative agent for Doltshire, and Lord do Cellar, the convivial peer, and the two other nonentities who formed the rest of the company —well, all that could

bp said was that Tommy appro hendrd no evil, and anticipated considerable amusement from giving tliom n bit of a fright.

Dinner was served a little after ! eight, and it was not finished till considerably after ten. Darklingbourne was famous for its dinners, and this one was fully up to the general reputation. When it was disposod of, everybody felt too comfortable to have any inclination to do anything except perhaps go to bed. Tho billiard room was deserted, and all tho guests were in the library, where they read, talked

and smoked, and some of the olders snored. Sir Charles was a lenient host, who believed that what male guests most enjoyed, was to bo allowed to enjoy themselves.

I As he felt that it was now time I to begin operations, Tommy Apos, who had been chattering a great deal all the evening, now directed his talk to burglars and burglaries. In lone country domiciles this is always a fascinating topic, and so before many minutes, Tommy had an interested audience. He told one or two burglar stories, and in each tale a gang of ruffians attacked a lone country house, and, when they were opposed, they shot wildly about, and left the place a regular field of carnage. Then he paused, and others took up the conversation.

" For my part," said Sir Charles Noodie, "I have always maintained that the householder has. in most instances, only himself to blame for any burglary. With proper precautions, burglaries are simply impossible. It is not necessary to have a small garrison in your house to keep robbers out; what is necessary is that you make it impossible for a robber to enter your house without creating an alarm. Noise, it may be, breaks no bones; but still there's nothing like it for frightening burglars. That's my view, and so there isn't a door or window in this house that can be opened after ten o'clock without sounding an electric bell."

" A very wise precaution," remarked Mr Mander.

" Haw, well," drawled that distinguished warrior, Captain Rammer. "I—haw—think it's rather ovei'doing it, don't you know, I —haw—would prefer to let them come in and then give them a warm reception."

"That's my opinion, too," said the gallant Major Prodraore. "It looks a bit cowardly to tako such precautions—at least to a military man."

"If thore was an alarm, what should you do ?" asked Tommy Apes.

" Well—l should rush upstairs, and see who the deuce it was," said the major.

" I think I should run out into the grounds and cut off the beggars' retreat," said the gallant captain.

"If you went upstairs, major, should you take a light with you, or go in the dark ?" Sir Charles asked.

" In the dark, decidedly. You see ;he light gives them the means of ;aking aim at you," said the captain.

" Wouldn't going up in the dark to look for an armed burglar be rather a creepy business ?" suggested Mr Mander.

" Pshaw ! It would be nothing," replied the captain.

" No, nothing at all," said the major. "If we soldiers had never anying worse to face than that we should have an easy time of it. I should go up without a tremor— haw—without—."

Suddenly an electric bell went off with a whirr. In a moment another, and apparently a third joined in the din.

As the bells continued sounding, the guests and their host gazed into each other's faces in speechless horror. All sat motionless while the noise lasted. When it ceased, no one showed any sign of moving. The first attempt at motion was made when the convivial Lord de Cellar, who was more than half tipsy, made an effort to conceal his bulky frame under an armchair.

As for Tommy, he could scarcely repress his laughter as he looked round the room. There was not a face to be seen that was not pale with terror. Sir Charles was lying back in his chair almost fainting. Lord de Cellar was rolling about groaning on the floor. The two gallant military men were sitting quivering to their very hair.

A'; last Tommy got up, and, seizing a candle, said :

" Gentlemen, our conversation is being verified. Don't let us sit here."

"There's a perfect mob of 'em. Three bells soundei," muttered Cap tain Rammer.

"Two," corrected Tommy, who lad ths best means of knowing.

*' No, no; three or four," said Major Prod more. "There must be a gang of the scoundrels, and they'll be armed, while we've nothing but our fists. It would be madness to attack them."

" Surely," said Tommy, putting on a very indignant air; "surely you are not going to remain here and see your host's house robbed. Come on ; I'll lead the way."

"Don't ; don't! you'll get killed," screamed Mr Alander.

" No fear, if you only follow mn," cried Tommy, looking very brave and seizing the heavy poker ; " come a!on£."

" Where are the servants 1 How is it they have not gone to see what is the matter," demanded Sir Charles in a trembling voice.

" They're asleep or afraid," answerer! Tommy, and away lie

marched to the stairs with a candle in his hand. With an effort Captain Rammer and Major Prodmore managed to raise enough courage to follow him. They picked up whatever they could find in the shape of weapons, and keeping well behind Tommy, crept up the stairs, " Hist! " whispered Tommy, in an awe-inspiring tone. " There are several of them. I hear their footfalls. No doubt they have revolvers —we must take them by surprise, or there'll be bloodshed. Now quietly, quietly—o Lord ! " And with this Tommy blew out the candle. There was a momentary silence, and then Tommy heard the gallant Rammer and tho soldierly Prod-

more tumbling recklessly over one another in their blind rush down the staircase.

The two warriors had just reached

the library, and were explaining to the horrified guests that Tommy had been murdered, and that they themselves had barely escaped the same

fate, when Tommy himself entered the room laughing! Everybody gazi?d at him for a moment in silent amazement. Then the truth flashed upon them. The whole thing was a joke.

Tommy roared with delight. Tho others didnotseemßopleased. Lord de Cellar, Mr Mander and the two nonentities were visibly annoyed. So was Sir Charles Noodie at first. But it was the two military men who were most furious. They were so angry, but at the same time looked and felt so small, that soon the rest of the company forgot their own annoyance in amusement at that of the gallant Rammer and the soldierly Prodmore, and the evening ended with everybody siding with Tommy, and joining in his laughter at the expense of the two officers.

Tommy's windows were then reclosed and the bells reset, and he went to bed and slept soundly, feeling with satisfaction that he had exalted himself and taken Captain Rammer and Major Prodmore and the rest of the company " down a very considerable peg." The next morning, however, to his amazement, ho found himself suddenly awoke by nobody else but Sir Charles Noodie himself.

" Look here," said the gentleman in anything but a pleased tone to the bewildered Tommy, "I think Mr Apes, that you have carried this joke of yours quite far enough. It had better cease now."

"I—l don't understand you, Sir Charles," stammered Tommy.

" Oh, nonsense!" answered Sir Charles, roughly. " There's no use in keeping it going; I am getting thoroughly tired of it."

" But, Sir Charles, T—really, I'm doosed sorry," said Tommy ; ''but truly, I don't know what you mean."

Sir Charles looked very steadily and earnestly, and then said :

"Mr Apes, if you trifle with me any further, I shall lose my temper. Your trick last night of frightening the company was unmannerly enough, still I forgave it ; but when it comes to breaking open dressing tables and abstracting diamonds—"

" Abstracting diamonds !" exclaimed the horrified Tommy.

'• Yes, abstracting diamonds. Then the matter ceases to be unmannerly, and becomes—l say it advisedly—something very different."

" Abstracting diamonds!" repeated Tommy, in a dazed way. "But, Sir Charles, I never abstracted any diamonds. I never thought of such a thing. I swear to you that the idea never entered my mind. I swear it didn't."

Sir Charles looked keenly into the young man's face, and he saw that he was speaking earnestly and truthfully. Tommy Apes might be a very silly youth—Sir Charles thought he was; but he was not a thief. The banker felt that he knew nothing of the disappearance of the diamonds, and he was perplexed. He stood in silent reflection for a moment, while Tommy collected his wits.

"Do you mean to say," Tommy then asked, " that any of Lady Noodie's diamonds are missing?"

"Yes, aboutfourthousand pounds' worth," replied Sir Charles laconically.

" Good heavens! " exclaimed Tommy. " Who could have done it? Not Sam Pipeclay—he's as honest as steel. I can't understand it, doosed if I can." And the young man lay back, completely Be» wildered.

Sir Charles then explained matters as well as he could. That morning one of the maids had noticed that the window into Lady Noodie's boudoir was open. As the room was kept locked during her ladyship's absence, Sir Charles himself having the key, he was communicated with. On unlocking the door, it was seen that the robbers had been there. The cabinet and dressing table had been rifled, and all the jewels which Lady Noodie had left there were taken.

Tommy Apes was horrified. He protested his innocence of all knowledge in the matter, and explained all he had done.

" Let me see," said Sir Charles. " Now I come to think of it, it struck me at the time that three bells sounded."

"Yes," replied Tommy, a bit startled ; " I remember somebody saying that there were three, but I thought it was a mistake."

"It's devilish queer" said Sir Charles, suspiciously, "granting that

there were three, that the burglars should select as the time for forcing the boudoir window the very moment you chose for perpetrating yoijr joke. Jt is a most strange coincidence. And it is stranger stili that the sound of the other windows opening didn't alarm the thieves."

"I don't understand it," said Tommy, gloomily, " May I go and have a look at the boudoir 1"

Tommy dressed hastily, and then he and his host went to Lady Noodie : s room. It was just as Sir Charles described—the cabinet was open, the cabinet and dressing table wore rifled, and the floor was strewed with fragments of jewel boxes. As Tommy was looking into one of the dressing tabic drawers a little piece of paper attracted his attention. Noticing his name inscribed upon it, he took it up, and opening it, read as follows :— " Dear Mr Ar-ES :—Wasn't it a rare good joke 1 We enjoyed it; didn't you ? Your Grateful Fellow Jokers." Tommy has spent a good deal of time in looking out for the two agreeable gentlemen who travelled with him the previous day, but he hasn't found them vet.