MELBOURNE GOSSIP.

Waikato Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 2704, 9 November 1889, Page 6 (Supplement)

MELBOURNE GOSSIP.

[kkom our own cokuksi'onhknt]. Allusion was made in lust, week's items to tho little dispute between Mr Davidson, Superintendent of Water Supply ami Mr Do Bavay, of the Victoria Brewery. Mr Davidson got rather tha worst of it. When pinned in a corner, and shown the filthy condition of the h'ru-plng.s —a fact he hfid oilicially denied—he excuse.-* himself behind the lame excuse that these thing* were in existence, when he assumed office. This is unpardonable. Mr Davidson is paid to improve things; not to let a disgraceful state of affairs remain as he found thrin. We seem to be no better off with respect to the quality of our public servants than they lire in other countries. Governments are proverbially the worst served employers upon earth. Municipal Corporations come next. The best served person is the man who does his own nork. The "it's not my business " principle acted upon by Mr Davidson, however, reminds me of a rich discovery that was made in the War Office, at home, some ten or fifteen years ago. it was mentioned in Tho Times, and will bear re-telling. Up to the period referred to, a stout hall-porter used to be seated in a wide passage in the office referred to, who did nothing from morning till night except tell people who passed to " keep to the left." Whomsoever passed by was saluted by the solemn request—" Keep to the left." One day a change in tho Ministry, involving a change in the higher ranks of the officials, sent to that office a new man, who on passing the porter was warned to " keep to the left." The gentleman looked at the fat man, veered slightly to the left, passed on to his new office, and, of course, thought no more of the circumstance. The next morning, however, it was recalled to his mind when, on passing the same porter, he was again requested to "keep to the left." He stopped and asked the man to explain why he had to keep to the left. "Because," said the porter, " every one who passes this way must keep to the left." "But why should they keep to the left?" asked the puzzled official. "Don't know," responded the porter. "Then why do you tell them '(" enquired the other. " Orders, sir," was the phlegmatic reply. "Orders be blanked," thought the new man, aud away he went upstairs. " Send the chief clerk here," he roared, as soon as sufficient breath accumulated for the effort. "I say, Mr ," when that august personage appeared, " there's a fellow down stairs who tells evcryono as they pass to—' keep to the left.' What does he do that for?" "I really don't know, sir." " You don't know, sir ! How long havo you had charge of this office ?" " Ten yeara, sir. I havo been in tho office twenty-five years altogother." "Twenty-fivo years altogether! And you mean to tell me that you don't know why that idiot tells everybody to keep to the left ? " " No, sir ; there was another man there when I came. Hβ was pensioned at the end of thirty years' service, and tho present man was appointed to the vacancy. Ho had been there twenty years." " Always telling peoplo to keep to the left ?" " Yes, sir: that is his duty." The new chief was mystified. He reflected a minute, and then said. :— " Go and search the records, and when you havo found the original authority for tho creation of that particular office bring it to me." That was done. Tha new chief was then put in possession »f the following particulars : —About Seventy-five Years before that time a particular corridor was being re-painted. The loft wall was painted first, and while it was wet a man was stationed to warn people to " keep to the right." When it was dry the right-hand wall was painted, and tho man was ordered to tell people to " keep to the left." When tkat wall was dry, they—forgot to remove the man. So he went on telling people to keep to the left—till he died. Then the " appointment," was filled np, and another man went on telling people to " keep to the left " until he was worn out, and a fresh man took his place ; and so on, until our inquisitive friend came and, like Arthur Chenham in "Little Dorritt," " wanted to kuow, you know." Now, I would not insult Mr Davidson by comparing him to the obtuse official who " wanted to know," and, by getting to know, put an end to a scandalous sinecure, for Mr Davidson is evidently a man whose fine conservative instincts prompt him to resist innovations in connection with his department. He found the fire-plugs in Melbourne bo placed that they have become verilabla fever traps, and, so far as ho is concerned, they may remain so. Mr Davidson, however, is not quite np to tho mark in some other respects. The inhabitants of South Melbourne are again clamouring for water. Bad and polluted as the Kiipply has been shown to be, it is one of the necessities of daily life, and must be had from somewhere. But the new mains for tho southern suburbs will not be finished for months to come, and

the superintendant is unequal to the task of pushing them on. Things are managed differently by private individuals, and it is a pity that ono cannot infuse into a government a little of tho leaven of private enterprise. Examples worth copying are oecuring nlmost every month ; but perhaps the most remarkable instance of the kind has taken place quite lately. People had scarcely ceased to gaze upon the gaunt skeleton of what has been the Federal Emporium only a few days before, when the burnt out firm had completely reorganised their largo business, transferred it to the Equitable Stores, and were carrying it on as sufficiently and methodically as if nothing unusual had happened. The absolute command of the necessary resources could not alone have accomplished this. The government practically command unlimited resources, yet are never up to time. There are required in addition highly developed powers of organisation, boundless energy, untiring perseverance, and an utter disbelief in tho " impossible." When theso qualities are intelligently directed difficulties disappear liko mist in the sunshine. To these, however, should be added an. other quality, rarely found in a Victorian governmental department. It is what, in nautical parlance, is termed looking ahead, and not only ahead, but to port and starboard, and occasionally astern. It is not enough to be always making provision for to-day ; it is necessary to cast more than one prospective glance toward the future. Herein lies the secret that has enabled Messrs George and George, without any apparent effort, to surmount a difficulty which would have buried many ordinary firms beneath the ruins of their own buildings. And thus it happens that, notwithstanding their winter reverses, they have entered upon the summer campaign as well equipped in all respects as if they had not met with a temporary check. It may not suit the official mind to have departmental affairs placed upon a par with a mere commercial enterprise. But the same principles govern both and are alike conducive to success ; and if their application be wanting in either, failure is likely to overtake that luckless concern. A Shakesperian revival was entered upon at the Theatre Royal on Saturday night, when the principal artists of the Royal Dramatic Company, and tho Princess Comedy and Dramatic Company, interpreted "Tho Merchant of Venice.' , Miss .lanet Achurch was cust for Portia, and gave, as was to bo expected, a fine rendering of the part. In tho trial scene her acting was specially marked by that high order of intelligence which distinguishes her performances, and the delivez'y of the lines, commencing , "The quality of mercy is not strained, 5, has never been excelled in Melbourne. Mr C. Charrington played Shylock, and gave an even rendering of the character. Mr G. R. Ireland and Mr Herbert Flemming were east for the respective parts of Antonio and Bassanio, and it was highly gratifying to witness the excellent manner in which those old favourites acquitted themselves. "The Merchant of Venice," which in to by followed shortly by "As You Like It," wua perfectly staged. '

At the Princess' Theatre on Saturday night a play bearing the title of " Little Lord Kiimitlerny.," which is a dramatisation of tin; popular story by Mrs Burnett, was produced for the first, time in this city, and tho large wudietieo who witnessed it went away delighted with the manner in which the company interpreted oue of tho most beautiful dramas Melbourne has yet seen, " The Beggar Student" continues to attract full houses to the Alexandra. Mr Miln, who announces that he will produce "Antony aud Cleopatra" at the Opera House shortly, is taking a rest, and on Saturday night Mr Edwin Thome, an actor who made himself very popular in America, appeared for the first time in a play narced "The Royal Guards," supported by a strong east.