MELBOURNE GOSSIP.

Waikato Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 2692, 12 October 1889, Page 6 (Supplement)

MELBOURNE GOSSIP.

(FROM OCR OWN CORRKSI'ONUEXT.] When Parliament met the Government faced tho House with an apparently strong majority at their backs, but it seems that their strength was more apparent than real. Their " supporters " have acquired tho ugly «nd inconvenient habit of kicking over the traces upon tho slightest provocation, or upon no provocation at all. They are. in short, an ugly lot, upon whom no dependence can be placed. Tho Government were deserted one night last week by thirty members, who crossed the floor of the iloii.-jo in a body, and were only saved from an ignominous defeat in the division which followed by Mr Munro, who reinf .reed their thinned ranks with a draft of 20 of his onn followers. Taken as a whole, tho temper of the House is uncertain, somewhat unruly, and out and out Conservative. The consequence is that Ministers aro sometimes placed in the position of tho old man in the fible, whose treatment of his donkey failed to please his neighbours. In the cuse of Ministers, the tariff may bo at present taken as the representative jackass. As an instance, to please the farmers, they had put portable, engines on the free list. This did not meet the approval of tho ironworkers, so to please tho ironworkers they pub engines back on the dutiable list and displeased the furmcrs, as well as wnny of their own supporters. They were only saved from defeat by Mr Munro and above-mentioned twenty of his followers.

A serio-comic uentleman has written a letter to the Argus, in which he complains of the egg-tax, and sets forth the impossibility of Victorians producing eggs sufficient for consumption. I commeiul to him a story that was imparted to me by a knowing Yankee ; and here it is at his sarvice. My friend assured me that his daily breakfast table was furnished with fresh eggs, in the followingeuious manner : —He invented and constructed upon scientific principles, a nest for the only hen, which he found it necessary to keep, to lay eggs in. At the bottom was a. delicately-constructed trap, and below the trap a small, padded basket. When my friend's invaluable hen laid an eg", the weight of it caused the trap to open, the egs slid down into the cushioned basket, and the trap noislessly closed again. Naturally the hen began to cackle, as those other hens did in the House on Thursday night, and, almost as naturally, suddenly ceased. For the old lady missed the egg. "Bless my life !" the feathered biped would exclaim, "what is the matter? I'm sure I thought I had laid an egg this time," Not finding one, she would lay another, with the like result. When the basket was full, it was sent to the kitchen, the trap having previously been fastened ; the egg last laid remained in the nest, and the poor deluded hen, satisfied, though rather sxhausted with the morning's performances, went out cackling with a clear conscience. The appearance in court the other day of two ll Boomers," who had been connected with the " Queen's Park Estate" during the land boom, reminds me of a pretty Double Acrostic that was published as an advertisement for that and one other estate. I transcribe it hero, because I think it may interest most of your readers, aud will amuse them if they try to solve it. The solution will be given in my letter next week. Here it is :—

[The "initials" and " finals" of the words indicated by the following lines form the titles and localities of the two estates in question.] A taunt, a. scoff, by another name. A water-fairy of deathless fame A chip of the race that rules the world ; His country—whose flag is never furled. A beauty in many, a flaw in some; One of the "packets" that go and come. A " metal ticket ,, our MPs. like; A sport that is death to the merry pike. A " little shaver" that's very keen ; A hopper through many an Austral scene. A town »n the Obi's frozen banks ; The otlice of Trait in the football ranks. Tho "little village" whence cockneys hail. The rope that's flung in the mustang's trail. The man whom candidates lnve to pet; The hi>poil-for goal of tho young cadet. The gent, who first floated a travelling show ; A yokel who handles the Kp:ide and hoe. A town on Beuambra's distant slopes ; Tim first rung of the Udder of lots of Popes ; Tlio destruction of many a tourist's holies. Tin' Elerald is placed in a rather awkward fix just now with respect to its London cable message--. Tho Age claims to have caught its iiveuins contemporary red-handed in tho act of stoalinj; its cabin messages. The accusation is a grave one, and tho evidence brought up in support of it appears to bo overwhelming. As no deni.il has been made to the char-re, it would seem that no answer is possible. Therefore, as matters now stand, iho Herald is in a damaged and di-credit.able condition. The exposure, which nppoared in tho columns of The Ago last Friday, will lvive boon read rll over the colony, and in a good many places outside of it. For some time past (says The Afro) there was reason to suppose that its European cubic messages were being systematically transferred into tho columns of the Herald, so on Thursday a couple of bogus messages wero manufacture:! and printed in two dozen impressions of tho second edition of The Age, care being taken, that the said papers should not fall into the hands of any one except tho Heratd. They wore at once seized upon, manipulated, printed in the Herald, and distributed broadcast over tho city and suburb?. If afterwards the proprietors saw the penuhu; second edition of The Age, they must have passed a bad quarter of an hour. That uncomfortable feeling would be increased next morning when Tho Age published tho two sets of bogus messages side by side, and explained that their own messages had been manufactured in Collinsstreet—that " the facts enumerated were no facts at all, but wore avowedly fabrications intended to bo used as so much bait to catch gudgeon." Then Tho Age asks:—"What would be thought of a drapery firm which would enrich its own shelves at tho expense of its neighbour to the tune of some thousands a year r"

The dock labourers' strike being now at nn ond, and, I piesump, all the donations from Australia received in London, Australians in general, and Victorians iu particular, may now pause to take breath and consider wbat they have been doing. Cool-headed and judicious generosity is one thing, and money gathered together nf\ it were by a hay rake in a fit of unreflecting enthusiasm, is another thing altogether. And matters are not equalised when the donors, having lost coutn 1 over their money, find that the purposes to which it has been applied, were hardly such as they intended. The fact that the relief fund, after the strike is over shows a balance of £ SOOO, should set people thinking. The £20,000 or so, sent over from Victoria, is hardly a shilling ahead for every man, woman, and child involved in the strike ; so there must be many more thousands who have not benefitted by Victorian generosity at all. Subscribers may, liowever, console themselves with the reflection that a good portion of their money, instead of filling the empty stomachs of tottering women and children, is to repay the advances of British trades unions ; in other words, to recoup the English workingman for the little he has lent ouC of the pockets of his Australian brothers. Other part of the surplus is to go towards the formation of new unions—to breed fresh troubles. Mr Burns, too, is quite delighted. Having obtained the promise of a free passage to Australia, he means to come and lecture here. Of course, he will "send round the hat"—all such men do—and obtain liberal support. He will thus be enabled to live at the best hotels, travel in the best carriages, and have a right good time of it. This will be far more profitable, far more agreeable, than hard manual labour ; and. unless Burns be a greater fool than I take him for, he will make it last as long as ho can.