A QUEER TALE.

Waikato Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 2680, 14 September 1889, Page 6 (Supplement)

A QUEER TALE.

Pkritap.s the queerest of tales is that of a young lady who had just attained her majority, and with it the unrestricted control of 100,000 dollars. This young lady's sole desire was to become a widow. Weeds are so becoming. What so interesting as a young bewitching widow, with a handsome fortune? Accordingly, to obtain the desirable result, she engaged the services of the real estate agent who managed her property to procure an accommodating moribund husband. The agent set to work, and, with the aid of a friendly physician (every apothecary and sawbones is a physician here), a suitable subject was found in the person of a destitute printer, who was supposed to be dying of whisky and consumption. After a little inducement the dying man consented, knowing that he was on the verge of the grave, the prospect of being decently buried overcoming any repugnance he might have felt at such an unnatural wooing, and by his orders the fair wouldbe widow was asked to name the day. Thereupon the next day there was presented at the bed of the bridegroom the bride and a widowed friend, the dying man's mother, the real estate agent, the doctor, and a Justice of the Peace. The blushing bride having satisfied herself that the man she was about to take for " better or worse "would soou be where " the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest," shyly consented to be united according to the Statute (?) in such cases made and provided by the accommodating Justice, and without bestowing another look on her newly-acquired husband, the fair bride left the room, having left sufficient coin of the Republic to pay the present living expenses and the future funeral charge?, which she fondly hoped would be at early date. Time passed, however, and still the bride remained a wife, and not a widow, and days merged into weeks and weeks into months, and the lady was reminded of the existence of a husband by the frequent demands on her purse. At last, her patience being exhausted, she determined to visit her husband to ask him why he persisted in living, and when he intended to be ready to be measured for his coffin. With that intent she proceeded to take the train for 'Frisco, her residence being Oakland, and just as she was stepping into the carriage, someone stepped in front of her with outstretched arms, and said, "Fratikie, my darling, I have found yon at last !" Frankie (the lady) took a good look at the speaker; it was her husband. She was too cool to faint ; that, of course, goes without saving, but her voice, husky with emotion, trembled as she said,

" What, not dead yet ?" " No," replied her husband, " I have quite recovered. They told me they did not know your address. " You can imagine the fair one's feelings. After a stormy interview and a refusal by the husband of a substantial sum to permit a divorce, a compromise was affected, whereby the lady was to furnish so much a month to the husband for his needs, —meaning whisky, of course—and after two or three months of unlimited quantities of the aforesaid needs, dcatli claimed the victim who had so nearly escaped him. And the fair widow furnished with unbecoming cheerfulness the necessary funds to inter her dear departed ; and now, the object of her life being attained, she is turning the heads of all young eligible.? with her ravishing widow's weeds. But enough of this. I know your readers will say I have been romancing, but I can assure them that the lady is now residing in Oakland, aud has taken no steps whatever to contradict the story ; on the contrary, she is quite proud of her exploit ! Funny taste, is it not !