MELBOURNE GOSSIP.

Waikato Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 2575, 12 January 1889, Page 2 (Supplement)

MELBOURNE GOSSIP.

(t'ROM OUH OWN COIIUI«L'O.N'I)KST.) " Nkxt session I trust the club nuisance will be dealt with," said Mr. Jones. Well it is not too much to say that it is to bo hoped it will, for all the bare-faced swindles, the flagrant of violations of the law ever perpetated, this surely "takes the cake." Easy going citizens, who do not feel much interest in the tangled web of the Licensing Act, may not perhaps know much about it. Paterfamilias in a humble way, who goes out on a hot Sundaj morning for a walk, while inaterfamiiias cooks the dinner, and who would dearly like to refresh himself with a " modest quencher,' 1 knows full well that, thanks to an ultra moral and paternal government, he will, in order to obtain it, have to sneak into some hotel like a thief, and throw himself on the tender mercies of a law-breaking landlord. Such is the effect of the act. Talk about driving a coach and four through an Act of Parliament, why in this case one may drive an entire circus through, elephants and all, and never turn a hair. Be of good cheer, oil topers, for know that in this Pharisee-ridden city, beneath the shadow of the very churches, right under the nose of the " Sergeant in charge," are places, where on the payment of an insignificant entrance fee, you may revel to your heart's content: where you may drink, smoke, play cards, " shake your elbow," and otherwise revel undisturbed. Where you may have music, more or less good ; where you may hear songs, some of them harmless enough as they go, many of them of the inane so-called music hall type, and others bordering on the obscene, the presence of ladies (save the mark) notwithstanding. And all the time, in the face of this precions Sunday closing law ; and to the police who are deputed to see it enforced you may calmly put your thumb to your nose, and spread your fingers out." Funny, isn't it.

For eternal and unchangeable sameness can anything surpass the dreadful monotony of the menu card ? How is it that at the dinner table, where, more than of all places else there are to be found a feast of reason and a flow of soul, nothing is even done in the way of varying the dulness of composition displayed in the bill of fare. Your gourmet, as a rule, is a witty fellow, and given to saying smart things. Surely the mention of a pleasant dish should inspire his poetic ardour, and enable him to lift his roast duck and asparagus out of their usual prosaic indifference. It is therefore with considerable relief I read of a dinner recently given at the Lotus Club, New York, in which a dainty bill of fare full of apposite quotations was deviswl. An example or two may not be out of place, and for the benefit of those who have not seen the original, I quote the following : —The oysters of the first course and their vinous accompaniment were introduced thus ; — " Sends This treasure of an oyster." " Set ;i deep glass of Rhenish wine." For the ro ist lamb of the sccond course : " fnnocotlt As the sucking lamb." While asparagus had the charming epigrammatic motto : —

" Who comes so fast in silence of the night." Some blue-winged teal in the third course suggested the quotation :—

"O dainty duck, With wings as sweet as moderation

Most of the good things said are attributed to Mr. W. S. Gilbert, the cele brated playwright and satirist. It was he who, being stopped by a lady at the entrance to his club and asked, "Is Balfe composing now replied, " No, I believe he is decomposing now." Mr. Forbes Robertson, the London actor and painter, poses as a universal genius, Gilbert does not care for such Admiral Crichton, and, in criticising the actor, remarked, " He will never be a success. He is an artist who cannot paint and an actor who does not draw." Smart, was it not ? On a par with this was the remark made by Burnand when the question of allotting the castof adratnatisation of Robert Buchanan's powerful novel, " God and the Man,'' was under consideration. Charles Warner, who is now playing at the Melbourne Theatre Royal, was in the company. " What part ought Warner to play ?" asked the manager, whereupon the witty editor of London I'unch returned, " There is only one part lie will play, and that is God." Those only who know Charlie Warner can fully appreciate that answer.

The modern school of logic not only proves that black is white, and white no colour at all, but goes further and demonstrates clearly ; if the purpose were necessary, that what is, is not and what is not, is. I hope I make 1113' self clear For instance —there is no to-day, because your logic tells you that what you call to-day, will be yesterday, to-morrow That is rather a peculiar deflection. TVTy friend, Smith, is a professor of logic at one of the colleges affiliated with the Mel bourne University, and he will convince you from your own words that whatever t,tand you take up you are out in your deductions. The old argument of a horse chesnut being of logical necessity a chestnut-horse is outdone. Speaking of collapse of the land boom, I observed that after all what did it matter to the being who had led a virtuous life. "Not so," rejoined Smith, '• You are entirely wrong as I shall prove." "Nothing yon say is better than a virtuous life. Granted ! Bread and cheese is better than nothing— ergo, bread and cheese is better than a virtuous life." I leave this for the philosophic reader to ponder over.

Mr. Phil Robinson is now in New Zealand, not as the great war correspondent but as the agent and representative of the Schansclieiff Electric Light, which he is puffing vigorously. He has seemed to court the interviewer, and several times told the story of his life to the admiring reporter, who has duly set it all down. But l'hil has not lost the opportunity also of amply advertising his wares. What a beautiful library that at the Parliament Houses is and what an astonishing thing that it is not open to those who might make excellent use of it. It is a remarkable fact, that however often a privileged individual may enter it he will find it deserted, except by those on the way through it to the refreshment rooms or members' quarters. Our legislators are not characterised by literary learnings, and so the library is a pearl cast before people who don't understand its worth.

The proposal to increase the salary of Mr Speight, the chairman of the Railway Tommission, has been well received both by the members of the Legislative Assembly and the country at large. Mr Speight is visiting England 011 a holiday trip early next month, and there appears to be a suspicion that he an-it re pc,mte of securing some position in the old country, and withdrawing the light of his countenance rroin the offices in Spencer-street. ]f ho were to do so it would be a decided misfortune for our railway system, as notwithstanding what is said by his detractors, he has done wonders in the way of placing it upon a substantial basis, and of raising the tone of the service. It is to prevent Mr Speight turning iiia back on us and allowing himself to bo allured by some tempting bait which may be held out to him by one of the great English railway companies that this increment in his remuneration has been suggested. The salary of £3000 per annum he already receives is a heavy one, being equal iu amount to that received by the occupants of the Supreme Court Bench, and half as

much again as that paid to any of the Cabinet Mini-ters.

It has, I hear, at lust been definitely decided to close the great show in Carlton gardens at the end of January. The fact is, the Commissioners, if all reports aro correct, have not much choice in the matter, as the foreign exhibitors are so disgusted with the way things have been managed by tho " powers that be'' they have almost unanimously refused to leave their goods in the building after the originally stipulated six months have expired.