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Waikato Times, Volume XXX, Issue 2417, 7 January 1888, Page 2 (Supplement)

If some men knew as much as they talked there would not be any sale for tho encyclopedias. A bachelor at a banquet in Newcastle, gave the following toast: The women and coal of Durham county! How desolate would be the fireside without them!"

A little boy was asked about the story of Joseph and if ho knew what wrong his brethren did in disposing of him, when he replied, ''I suppose they sold him too cheap." Hakiiy aged five, had never happened! to see the moon in the day time. He came clown the other morning shrieking with laughter. Why Harry, what's the matter? inquired his mother. 'Oh mamma said he, as soon as he could speak, 'What a joke ; they've forgotten to take the moon in.' "Now, childrou," said she, "howmany of you know anything , about Moses ?" Only one hand went up. "That's right, Jiminie, I'm glad to see there's ono in tho school who has hoard of him before. Now, who was Moses ?" "He's tho man wot they wanted to know where he was when the light went out," exclaimed Jimmio with great gusto. That ended the lesson for that day. Scene—small but fashionable English shop. Enter a lady of title, .addressing a shop walker : " I wish to exchange something I bought yesterday." "Yes, madam. Do you remember whether you were attended by tho gontleman with tho dark moustache or tho gontloman with tho light beard?" "Oh, neither. It was the nobleman with the bald head." Wo have it from an Eastorn source that they arcs just now adopting a novel method in India of giving change of air to people who cannot afford to go away from home. Patients are to go up in a balloon, which ascends to a certain height, and is thero mado captive. It seems that a few daya passed in this atmosphore, which is qnito different from that of the plains underneath, firmly braces up the most limp of invalids. The Champion Snorer. — The young wifo of an elderly resident, from a awakening from a sound sleep, began to shake her slumbering lord smartly to make him stop snoring, Just then there came several very loud rolls of thunder, and desisting from her attempt, she resigned herself quietly to sleep, remarking "It is only thundering after all; I thought you were snoring." It must be a very ill wind indeed that blows nobody gopd. But who would suppose that fashionable yo'ing ladies are endeavouring to make holiday capital out of the latest development of the hydrophobia scare? "Oh, my dear, said one charming girl to another ' I have such good news to give you; papa has been bitten by a mad dog. aud we arc all going to Paris at once. " Advice must be desired and sought, Let every would-be adviser remember that however excellent and apropos his counsel may be, if given unasked, it is with rare exceptions, thrown away. The advice given by the physician and lawyer is not only sought, but paid for, and it is usually more faithfully followed than any other, Whatever is worth having is certainly worth asking for, and self-re-speot, as well as good judgment, will withhold it until then. Gkkat musicians often illustrate the law of inertia—that is the tendency of a body to remain in the state in which it is. It is veiy hard to coax them to sing, or play, but it is harder, when they are seated at the piano, to get them away ironi it. Napoleon was once asked to, cqnirnand a pianist, who would not dare to disqbey him, to seat himself at the piano and play something. I would not mind asking him, to sit down," said thclUmperor, "but who will ask him to get up again?" "John," she said to the young man who had been courting her for five loug years," John,l sat for my photograph to day. I suppose you want one?" 'Oh! yes indeed." "By the May, John, I had them taken especially for some friends in Manchester, an 4 they want m,y autograph on the cartta Now, John, I don't know whether to sign my maiden name or wait a few mouths until we are married." John took the broad hint, and they are now one. Fattkxixg Poultry.—:An excellent plan is to place them in fattening houses constructed specially for the purpose, Each house may be made to contain from ten to twenty fowls, and should be warm and airy, with raised carthfloors, covered with a layer of straw. Tho house must be kept perfectly clean. Several troughs for food and water should be placed in the house; so that each bird may have easy acceqs to them, For fattening fovyls, the" use of the pcrcU is contrary to the usual practice; but it may be allowed during the first portion of the time. For this purpose, a few perches may be placed in the house. But they will not be required for long; for as qoonas the fowls begin to fatten from feeding they will prefer to roost iu tho straw. By this method fowls may be fattened to as high a degree, and their flesh will be as delicate, as if they were fattened iu a farmyard.