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Waikato Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 2403, 3 December 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Two Parliamentary Hands.—First Deputy: “Come, you have never once opened your month yet!” Second ditto ; !i Beg pardon 1 . . . I yawn every time you speak.” Be Careeul How You Go to Sleep at an Auction. —A gentleman at an auction settled himself in a comfortable chair, and soothed by the auctioneer’s lullaby, he soon dropped asleep. When his nap was over lie left the place. The next day he was astounded on receiving a bill for nearly- fifty pounds’ worth of carpets and other tilings. Tbe auctioneer had taken his somnolent nods for bids. According to the Vienna Agricultural Gazette, it has recently been discovered that meerschaum pipes of excellent quality, susceptible of the highest polish, and even more readily colourable than the genuine spiunia diamare, ipay be made of potatoes. The familiar tuber, it seems, is well qualified to compete with tho substance known to commerce as “ meerschaum clay.” Its latent virtues in this direction arp developed by the following treatment; —Having been carefully- peeled and suffered extraction of its “eyes,” a potato is boiled unmtennittently for thirty-six hours iq a mixture qf sulphuric acid and water, after which it must he squeezed in a press until every drop of natural nr acquired moisture is extracted from it. Tho residuum of this simple process is a hard block of a delicate creamy white hue, every whit as suitable to the manufacture of ornamental and artistically- - executed pipe - heads as the finest clay. Tho potato, moreover, dealt with in tho manner above described, promises to prove a formidable rival to the elephant's tusks. It may ho converted into billiard-lpdls as hard, smooth and enduring ns ivory, and can bs depended upon for an inexhaustible supply- of carved umbrella handels, chessmen and fans. As potatoes are plentiful all over tho world, and likely to remain so, whilst elephants are, comparatively speaking, rarities, mankind ac large may fairly be congratulated upon the discovery of a substitute for ivory, which can he produced in unlimited quality, and at an almost nominal cost, taking into consideration tho difference of price between a pound of tho best kidney potatoes and a pound of prime elephant’s tusk.