MR AND MRS BOWSER.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 2400, 26 November 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

MR AND MRS BOWSER.

I!V -MUS BOWSER. Four weeks ago Mr Bowser began to he-havc in a strange manner. I noticed him looking at tile outside of the house from the front, and hack, accompanied by strange men, and from my open window 1 heard them talking about “modern colours.” “meadow green” and other mysterious things, it was not until I found a hoard in the hack yard with half a dozen colours of fresh paint on it that I suspected anything. Then I asked Mr Bowser : “Yon can’t be thinking of having any painting done around hen; this spring ?'' “I think the tornicc ought to be touched up a little.” “ But we had everything painted a year ago, and you said it would stand for te.n years.’’ “ If 1 said so it will, hut the style of colour has changed this year, and I guess I’ll have a man for two or three days.” “ And you’ll have us all in a muss for the next month. Mr Bowser, can’t yon let this house alone fora day or two?” He gave me a look of deepest reproach and turned away. I had begun to feel sorry for my expression when a waggon load of poles drove into the alley. It had not yet unloaded when another waggon loaded with pnint-be-daubed ladders drove up. Then came a dray on which there were kegs and buckets, and cans and brushes, and I was compelled to realise that Mr Bowser was going to paint. The cook had also seen the outfit, and she presently came in to me and asked ; “ Are you going to have the painters around here ? ” “ Yes, Hannah, Mr Bowser proposes to touch up the cornice a little.” “ And he may touch up an intelligence office while he is about it, for I won’t stay ! MVve been papering, cleaning, putting down carpets, sodding the hack yard, oiling the wood-work, and doing something or other for the last sixmonths, and I’m tired out. It is now thirty-one seconds to so'clock. Atsharp 5 I leave the house ! ” She was as good ns her word, and when I told Mr Bowser of her going, and related the cause, he indignantly replied ; “ Now I’ll paint the burn and fence to boot—see if I don’t I I’ll show that girl that she can’t run this family while our name continues to bo Bowser.” Next morning the painters wont to work. That is, they didn’t exactly go to work. They e-arae and sat around in the barn and smoked, and some of ’em feebly stirred away at the paint-pufs, and some more of ’em looked at the house and inquired of each other when Mr. Bowser got nut of the lunatic asylum. Next day tho force of painters was increased by three, and they got two ladders up, pounded some putty into three or four nail holes, and stirred up seven or eight colours of paint. Along towards supper time one of the crowd toiled up one of the ladders in a weary, despondent way, jabbed at one of the brackets with a brushful of paint, and tho others stood off to examine tho effect and give their criticisms. It seemed to be a very delicate operation. Some of them kept walking backwards to get a better squint until they walked out of sight, and others had to sit down on tho grass and light their pipes and rest their eyes by looking at the hired girl next door. On the third day Mr Bowser remained at home, and tho men dug holes all around tho house to set their poles, got up a scaffold to work on, and almost finished painting one bracket. They might have wholly finished it if they had agreed on colours. Some of ’em wanted the bracket of a lilac colour, with the background a dull drab, and others stuck for something more lively or more (esthetic. Mr Bowser said he would consult the old masters, and seven drops of rain descended from flic heavens just in tune, to let the men off at I o’clock. When they had gone I found seven windows smeared with paint, a pane of glass broken, and tho knobs of six doors “ touched up ” in the latest Paris style. The painters are with ns yet. Not those painters, but some others. The first gang lasted two days. Then Mr Bowser suddenly asked the man who seemed to be the foreman—at least lie loafed away the most time—what they were going to do to earn their money. “ This isn’t a job to be rushed I” calmly replied the man. “If we should get one of these seventeen delicate colours in place of another your house would be ruined.’’ Air Bowser reduced the delicate colors to fourteen, and hired a new gang. In tho course ot a week this new lot managed to plant forty-eight big daubs on the pencilled brick work, break three windows, daub over three oiled doors, and ruin half our clothes, and Mr Bowser advisd them to turn to landscape work. The third gang is still with us. All the scaffolding has finally been put in place, and the ladders leaned up against the house, and all the neighborhood covered with paint-pots and brushes. When the brackets had been finished Mr Bowser concluded that the window casings ought to be touched up to correspond. Then it was the hoods and porches and steps. Next week it will be the fences and the barn. Seven different ladies have walked up freshly - painted front steps to call on me, butwalked down again without ringing the bell Twenty odd tramps have walked the length of the freshly-painted verandah to ask for a bite to eat, but went off hungry and tired. Three of my dresses are ruined, our washings are paintspotted, and the sidewalks, fences, and shade trees in our neighbourhood have been spattered and speckled until strangers stop and gaza in astonishment. I was intending to say to Mr Bowser last night that I wouldn’t stand it another day, but before I hud a chance to he wont out for a smoko. In his absentmindedness he walked up tho front steps, and sat down to muse in the gloaming. I think he mused for half an hour, at the end of which time he came rushing in. He was covered with green and lead colour and Queen Anne and purple paints, and as he turned himself around for rnc to see he waved his arms and shouted : “Woman, don’t you laugh at me I You dragged me iuto tills, and if I don’t get even with you my name isn’t Bowser