SWINDLING BY MOCK AUCTION.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 2385, 22 October 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

SWINDLING BY MOCK AUCTION.

That aged system of swindling by means of mock auction sales of cigars is still carried on successfully in New York. The other day a well-known .Southern in in entered a little place where cigars were being sold by an auctioneer. There were apparently three or four men who were bidding briskly, and as the cigars seemed to be line the strangers competed for £l. Immediately afterward the sale was declared closed. The .Southerner stepped up to the counter, where apparent customers were receiving parcels, and asked for his box, at the same time tendering a pound note. “ Yon owe ten,” said the cashier, very severely. “ What for?" “These cigars are sold in lots, not by the box.'' “ But I distinctly bid for one box.’’ “Y r ou are mistaken. " “ We all bill for lots," declared the customers. The Southerner concluded he had a bargain any way, and that his friends would be glad to take such cigars off ids hands. He thought that he might, after all, have been tedding under a misapprehension. He wrote, an order on a prominent hotel where he w.is staying, £lO, and directed that the cigars be sent there. Then he went down town and forgot all about the matter until evening. When he returned to the hotel the clerk said : “ Wc paid your order, lint we know that you have been swindled. ' “ Oh, no : the cigars arc worth more than double the money. ' “ Look at them and -sec The package was united, and twelve boxes of the commonest kind of cabbageleaf cigars were exposed to view. The Southerner turned away in intense disgust. “Don’t give me away,’’ he begged. “Rather give the cigars away—to the porters—anybody. " The next day lie took a policeman to the auction store, vowing vengeance. The place was empty, and he invested five shillings in treats to the official begging him also in the same disgusted manner — “ Don't give me away.”

A GOOD REASON. A woman called at the police stition the other day to report th it her huibaiid was missing, and she fired the very worst." “ Don't think he's dea I, do you ? asked the Sergeant. “ Yes, I do.” “ Why." “Because he left home without cuffing any of the children or threatening to break my neck if I didn't hand out half a crown. I tell you he was under some strange influence.” STRAIGHT GOODS. “Anvonk (lass here within an hour?" asked a Geelong in in of a farmer standing at his gate. ‘ ‘ Yes “ Mao with a black horse ?" “ No : man with a white hoss." “ Wasn't a tin peddler, was he?" “Oh, no. He was the editor of an agricultural paper.” “ How do you know that?" Recalls*! he cime nut on purpose to ask me whether potato planting or com cutting came fust, lie's started a new paper ami want's to get things reliable." PER ANNUM. “Ross. I/.s a bit confused 'bout "snthin"," saiil one of the negro whitewmhers at the market to a detective the other day. “ Well, what is it ? ’’ “ Wh it does per annum mean ? ” “ Per year, of course.” “ A hull y'ar.” “ Yes.” “ Can't he no mistake." "No, sir." “ If 1 borry 10s of Abraham Johnson an' agree to pay twenty per cent, per annum dat means one shillin' a ya'r, does it ? ” “ It. does.” “Hu ! Uar .s gwim: to be de biggest row in Kaiutuek to-night you eber beam tell of ? ” “ About what ? ” “ About dat per annum. I borryed 10s of de ptission menshuiied at twenty per cent, per annum, air fur de las’ fo'tcun mouths he's bin collectin’ one shillin' a week as rigular as a clock. Stuck right to it, he did, dat per annum meant ebery Saturday niglit. Lawd 1 but when I git dese yen; paws on him won’t per annum take a flop !''

WHO MADE THE FUDDIN’ii r Ox one occasion, after the appreciation of the "company aud the wit of the guests had hath been brought to the highest pitch by the wealth of viands, which, through a dozen courses, must have almost exhausted the ingenuity theof tiff, a dessert was served whose well known character was almost concealed by the French garnishing. At last however, in conversation somoone ventured the remark that despite its French daintiness, he recognized it as a old fashioned English bird's nest pudding. “ And a delicious one, ton,” added a guest; “ I should like to know what bird could have made so good a pudding." “ That's plain,” replied our friend, it was the cuckoo made it.”

WHAT HE WANTED FOR A BIRTHDAY GIFT. ‘Mvdear. I have boon trying to think of .something lovely to givo yon for ;i birthday present," said u fond wife to her devoted husband recently. Yon know there are .so many things that it i- hard to select, so I have made out a little list. Justglanceoveraud crossoff anythin*: you don’t want and add on anythin*: nice which has not occurred to me." This was the list: “A canary bird, a King Charles spaniel, a carpet sweeper, a plush-covered perfume satchel, a box of monogram society stationery, and a Turkish rug for our bed-room.” The wretch read it over and returned it with the following additions : ‘‘A new bustle, a pair of diamond earrings and a ladies’ work-basket." A GREAT COUNTRY. An Irishman, writing to his wife, who was still in 11 nuld Ireland ’’ began his letter by making the following statement r “It is a foine counthry, Bridget, an’ no mistake. I’ve this day put phwat they call an inshoorance on me loife. an’ if I’d fall down a ladder wid me hod an' break me nock to-morry, b-gorra an' 1 ; get i'd a wake as long as I'm deal. It's, a foine country ; that phwat it i>."