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Waikato Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 2358, 20 August 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Max was never meant to live only on one line, to grow only in one direction his life may he rich and full, valuable and happy, if he but understand the laws of his being, and feed his higher nature as sedulously as lie does his physical. As the wise health-seeker rem embers to fill his lungs with pure and fresh air, so men must let their minds and hearts ever draw in the mental and spiritual atmosphere which they need for their best development and their highest influence.

How to For the Question.— A young Aberdonian, bashful, but desperately in love, finding that no notice was taken of his frequent visits to the house of his sweetheart, summoned up sufficient courage to address the fair one thus:— “Jean, I wis here on Monday night.” “Ay, ye were that,” acknowledged she. “An’ I wis here on Tuesday nicht.” “So ye were.” “And I wis here on Wednesday,” continued the ardent youth. “ Ay; and ye were here on Thursday, nicht.” “An I wis here last night, Jean.” “Weel,” she said, “ what if ye were ?” “ An’ I am here the nicht again.” “An’ what about it, even if ye cam’ every nicht?” “What aboot it, did ye say, Jean ? Div ye no begin to smelt a rat ?” A Fall and a Risk. — A farmer who had been doing business with someone on the second floor of a building near the market in Chicago made a slip at the top of the stairs, came down in spread-eagle fashion, and was for the moment rendered unconscious. He was taken into the office of a livery-stable for temporary examination and treatment, and, as they unbuttoned his coat and vest and chafed his hands, ho opened his eyes and said, “Boys, I believe I’m done for !” “ Oh, no, you’ll soon be all right 1” they replied. “ Boys,” he continued, as he tried to rise, “one of you go over to my old woman on the stand.” “Who is she?” “Her name is Potter. There’s a white boss in the team. You’ll know the waggon by a barrel of cider in the backend. There’s also a crock of butter.” “ We are to find Mrs Potter, and tell her that you are hurt, and ” “One of the bosses is blind, and the old woman has got a red feather in her hat.” “Yes, we know. We are to tell her that you are hurt, and waggin has got two new spokes in it,” continued the man. “All right; and we are to bring your wife?” “No, sir! Yon jist tell her that I’ve broken both legs and forty other bones in my body, but not to sell one durned ounce of that butter les’n twenty cents a pound ! Butter has riz, and the old woman sets there chawin’ gum, and don’t know it!” A Father op Malaphops. —An old soldier has been for a long time curator of a certain public educational institution. In accordance with the duties of his responsible position, it has .sometimes fallen to his lot to remind the students of forgotten regulations. “ Gentlemen,” he cried out on one occasion, when a threatening game of leap-frog was going on in a somewhat shaky gallery, “why this violent disturbance?” “Well,” was the reply, “what business is it of yours?” “Gentlemen,” he responded indignantly, displaying his full height, “do you know that I am placed here by the governors of this college to conserve this building ?” At another time the prank was played upon him of being simultaneously summoned by two students from different ends of the corridor. “Gentlemen,” he cried out, “I really cannot be iniquitous !” The snow one winter found its way through the roof. “ Sir,” ho said to the principal, “ this building is replete nowhere.” “Complete, you mean, Thomas,” “No, replete, sir,” replied Thomas, with soldierlike decision and imperturbability. On another occasion, after heavy rains, there was dire disaster of malodorous flood in the cellars. “Sir,” reported Thomas, “ the rain has permeated the soil, and has resuscitated all the drains to overflowing.” And, again, when the water pipes were in some way out of order Sir, the pipes are corroded with rust and I myself am corroded with mud.” It was his duty to make copies of examination papers by means of a copying-press. This press at one time was not working up to its former high standard of excellence. Said Thomas, with an air of injured dignity, “Sir, I used to be able to take fourteen copies from a single impression ; but now, when I have taken six, subsequent copies ace altogether inaudible.”