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Waikato Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 2358, 20 August 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

CiiHKRt'L'f.N’KSS is tho bright weather of the heart. Pleasant, cheerful conversation should bo the rule at table. It is a breach of good breeding for one member of the family to sit down to the table and silently read the daily paper. —Taylor. Tub pay-train stopped at Willow Bend to pay the railroad hands and to liquidate claims for cattle on the track in that section. A gaunt, hungry-looking granger stepped up to the smart young man who was dispensing tho cash in the rear end of the car. “Got my name on your books, mister ?” “ How should I know unless you tell me your name?” “Kerrect you are. You have got the edge on me there. Well, my name is Kufus McOonkey.” “Yes,” said the young man, referring, to his books. “Mr McOonkey, I have you down for a hog.” “Have me down for a hog, have you ? Well, I'll have yon down for half an hour, and I’ll be on top of yen, making it sorter exciting to you, if you don’t revise that expression. Now say after me, ‘ Colonel McOonkey, School Trustee, Fourth District—Your name, sir, is on this ynr list as a honey-fider creditor of the I. and G.N. Railroad, which the amount are ten dollars, the valley of one spotted Berkshire hog ; said amount of ten dollars it do mo proud to hand to yon. Won’t you have a cigar, colonel ?' ” Tho smart young assistant-paymaster repeated Mr McGonkey’s speech word for word, handed Mr McOonkey the ten dollars, and then gave him a cigar. Colonel McOonkey put tho hammer of his six shooter back to halfcock, and then strode out, muttering, “ Some city chaps think Miey’ro smart, but they’ll find they has to come out cm tho perarios to learn perliteness an’ grammar.” A Draw.— In the last days of March two windmill agents galled on a Wayne County fanner at the same time, and under the circumstances each felt it incumbent cm him to do his level best to make a sale. One talked, and then the other talked, and then both talked at once, anti each talked so well that the farmer o.mld not make up his mind which mill to take. He finally said: —“Gentlemen, I see only one thing to do. You are both about a size, and you can coma out to the barn, peel off your coats, and go at it. The one who licks makes a sale.” The agents agreed, and in a few minutes were hard at it. They upset the fanning-mill, smashed in the granary door, broke the hind spring of tho family carriage, and frightened a young calf into fits as they thrashed around, and as the afternoon waned and the sun began to go down without either man giving in, the fanner, who was roosting on the hay-mow for safety, called down: “Gentlemen, tho referee decides tho fight a draw, and you kin wash olf tho blood, and take my order for both windmills !’