Page 2 Advertisements Column 1

Waikato Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 2352, 6 August 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

yanctice* A Gamp Lee.— llinrl ,junrterof ipnivo. NEITHER Kt-11, Ki.E'H, ,Vr.H Fowl.— Vegetables, of course. \otk<.p Warms-.;. -IV ,pie who steal watches are apt to witi'l up in gaol. He was “Am. There."—A newiv appointed <<tf.cial on th 3 Xatal U lil vay recirm!» wrote for “ a gallon of red oil for the danger lanterns. " Wh at number is that to which if yon add something the sum will he nothing ?—I l n ce ; .-ince “ n added to one makes none. Mr. Hnniand w credited with explaining A I t friendV choir*, of a mince-pi- to lunch off hy saying that “he evidently was getting hiniiispiration" Little man : “I understand, Mr, that yon have called nse an unmitigated liar V l»ig nun : “Xu - f didn't iwe the word ‘ unmitigated.' ' Little man; “Then I accept Voiu apology." M hat it is A-a; —Scene—Swiss mountain. lohde if the ladies willonlvstop talking, your honour may h'*ar the roaring of the waterfall acro-s the vallev.* 1 It is not enough that wc have once swalloweii truths; we must feed on them as insects on a leaf, till the whole heart in coloured hy their qualities and shows its food in eicn ihetniiiutc fibre. The high road to success has never Ireen a smooth or even course. I hie mu.t be prepared for a perplexed and tortuous path, and many apparent failures before the gaol is reached. He who turns hack at the first obstacle will certainly neverachieve his end.

”\\ hat s tif difference lietween the regular and irregular (Ireek verbs?' was a-ked nf a schoolboy by bis uncle, in order to test his knowledge. We get more lickings trying tn learn the irregular ones,” was thereThkp.k is in everyone something truly deserving of commendation, and in m «t persons there is much. If men do not find it out, it is because they have so little jienetration, nr because they are so much more eager todiscover faults and folliesthan excellencies. All that they need is to turn the same lenient eye upon others that rests nisei themselves, and abundant grounds for approval will be manifested. Augustus,” said Angelina to her lover, “ you know that father has recently invested in a Western silvennine, and is going there at once, and I cannot leave mother alone. .S i I a-k you, dear Augustus, how long would you be willing to wait for me?' “ Wail for yon, my darling ?” exclaimed Augustus, with deep emotion, for bis was no fleeting love. " I will wait for you until we learn how the silver-min* turns nut. In private affairs, however important and weighty, or in matters of duty, however intricate and resjsmsible, a vast amount of advice is often asked for and given which is absolutely worthless, because the counsellors are not qualified for the task. Friends especially are expected to fulfil this office, quite irrespective of their fitness for it. Friendship and sympathy are invaluable, but, unless they are united with sjiecial knowledge and ability, they cannot be relied upon for advice in every time of need. Dacuhtep.: “Pa. (ieorgo is in the parlour, and wants to see you.’ Texas Father: “ What ? That ornery dude wants to see me? Well, he shall see aie ; more of me than he wants to.*’ Daughter: “ Xow, pa, please don’t hurt his feelings.” Texas Father; “ I shan't hurt his feelings." Mother: “.Say. John, don’t you go and do something desperate, and get pul into gaol for it.’ Texas Father: “I ain't going to do anything des|»erate. 1 ju<t intend to kill him. Who said anything about being desjierate ?' Kxfg.Essiox <<y Sympathy.—There are times when we all need a word of sympathy—when all brave men and women are the better for it. IJy little and little the load was increas’d ; in the same way it may likewise be lessened. Knconrageineut possesses a marvellous vein of recreating power; wisely .administered, it counteracts the disheartening influence with a sense of bxlil-d plans and rejieated failures tends to indue;; by aid of the cheery, kindly word one is enabled to pull oneself up again, and to go on with renewed efforts. The late Mr X nvdegate s ancestral abode was at Arbury, Warwickshire, where shoot-ing-parties «vre frequently given. At these gatherings the cover-fire was often so hot and so careless tii.it a gentleman who had escaped from >cver.d engagements of this character described it as like a battle in a thick wood. “ Why.' he said, “ the man who was sheriff of Warwickshire, the man who is -herilf, and the man who will be sheriff arc all of them one-eyed, and all lost their other eye in ope of X'ewdy's shootingparties 1 It is related that one of the first things \ ictoria did on hearing that William IV. was dead, and that she had succeeded to the throne, was to call one of hermother'* ladies-in-waiting. “Am I really ?’ , asked the excited Princess. “You are ini deed, madam," replied tire lady-in-waiting. “ And I can do whatever I choose, by right?” ” Most certainly, your Majesty.” “Then get me a cup of green tea. Mamina never would let me have it; now I mean to know what harm it can do me.” And trie young 1 juecn drank three cups, had a violent fit of shivers, and has never liked tea since. Lamautini; the French poet was once visited by a deputation of “ Vesaviennes,” furious female Republicans of the pctroleuso type. The captain was the fqwkeswornan. Sin; told him that the “ Vvsuviennes” had come to tell him how much they loved him. “Thereare fifty of us here,” she added, “ and our mission is. in the name of all the. others, to kiss you.” This announcement made the (net shudder. The captain of tha gang was tolerably good-looking, but tbs others were a horrible-looking, half-drunken, half-crazy set of viragoes. He was equal to the emergency “ Citizens,” said he, “I thank you from the bottom of ray heart. This is certainly the happiest day of ray life; but |>eniiit me to say that splendid patriots likeyou cannot be treated as women. You must be regarded as men ; and since men do not kiss one another, we must content ourselves with a hearty hand-shaking.” The ladies considered themselves highly complimented. “ Vive Lamartine!” they shouted, and each grasped his hand. When they were gone, he looked like a man who had just escaped from a deadly peril.

io \k etfe Green Truit, n had WK■y&' f&: Hts Mother broughto-leiilt of ?erryßavis’ n ; P^INKILLta and bymor.nnp he. was -WELLis cl sure safe cure for Cholera, ChojeraMorhus, Diarrhoea, Dysentery, ond SuramerCombkmt For iu § Lrm o eve'r\fte sX. Solabv ali druqoists. yEßfivUflujsWSon.J* 3 ., trovidimtch.L