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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2325, 4 June 1887, Page 3

This is a story which a in' tster toi- Mie other day at a fellowship met 3 not 1, 00 miles from Springfield :—•' said te a yo.unpr woman, who had been a metn!> . of my congregation, that I had no' ~ebii her at church of late. She repliu'' that she had been kept at home with he* little boy throe years old. I then cordially invited her to bring her to chinch. This time the answer was, ' I know that he would appreciate your preaching now better than when ho is older !' "

"Ah," said the Superintendant, "and here is Tommy] Goodboy's missionary offering 27.50d01. That will make souse of the little heathen hearts glad. Now tell us how you got this money Tommy?" "jYes, sir,"_ said Tommy, spexking up loudly and distinctly like the r;ood boy that he was: "Part of it pa won on change; some of it ma won at a crazy quilt raffle; some of it sister Luira won at progressive euchre; 2dols. brother Bill won on a horse race; 20 cent;--, I won for marbles playing keeps; and the rest I won at grab-bag and prize ciko at the church fair." After a brief consultation the brethren decided they would "send thn money to the heathen, but they wouldn't tell them how it was raked in. There are somethings in modern Christianity it isn't best even for the heathen to know.

Cooke, when at the zenith of hia fame, was announced to play " Tlie Stranger," at the Dublin Theatre. When he made his appearance, evident marks of agitation were visible on his countenance and in his gestures. Tho generality of the audience regarded them as the results of strong feeling, but those who were acquainted with his failing very properly attributed them to intoxication. When the applause had ceased, with difficulty he pronounced, "Yonder hut, yonder hut," pointing to the cottage ; then, beating his breast and striking his forehead, he paced tho stage in much apparent agitation of mind. Still this was was taken as the acme of fine acting, and was followed by loud plaudits and " Bravo —Bravo !" A.t length, after casting many a menacing Jook at the prompter who repeatedly though, in vain, gave him the word, he came forward, and with overacted feeling thus addressed the audience — "You are a mercantile people — yon know the value of money. A thousand pounds—my all— lent to serve a friend—is lost for ever! My sou too—pardon the feelings of a parent—my only son—as brave a youth as ever fought his country's battles—is slain ! Not many hours ago 1 received the intelligence; but thank Heaven, he died in defence of his king !' Here his feelings became so powerful that they choked his utterance; and, with his handkerchief to hia eyes, he staggered off the stage amidst the applause of those who, not knowing the man, pitied his situation. The fact was, Cooke never possessed a thousand pounds in all his life, nor had he the happiness of being a father, but, too intoxicated to recollect his part, he invented this story at a pretext for retiring decently, and the sequel of the business was that he was sent home in a chair, whilst another actor played his part. Never run after a train that has got out of sight. The train won't mind you being left. Out of sight, out of mind. Don't decry sectional feeling on the railroad. It's part of the system. Swear off on daypo, deepo, deppo, dippo, and deepott, and learn to say station. It ie not only English ; it is something rarer than that—it is correct. If the car is too warm, don't open the window on your suffering and shivering neighbour. Takeoff your muffler, fur gloves, and buffalo overcoat; it will be perfectly proper, even though there are ladies in the car. .Give up your pass, and pay your fare like a man. Every time you travel on a pass some good man (accent heavy on the "good") bus to pay extra. P.S.—lf you decide to do thin, don't waste your pass ;send it to me. Don't lie about your fourteen-year-old boy any more. Be honest; own up that he is nine-year-old, and pay halffate for him. Never ask any questions of the station or train men before getting aboard. Act like an old traveller who knows it all. By this means you will often succeed in getting on the wrong train, while the timid, green, inquisitive, and inexperienced go joyously on their way. If you are the fool that you look to be, write your name and address on the frosty window pane ; write it large and plain. If you are the fool all the rest of the passenger.ss take you to be, whistle some tune that you know—whistle loud and shrill, and accompany yourself by drumming on the window with your, fipg^rs.T-Burdete,