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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2310, 30 April 1887, Page 1 (Supplement)

Nationality of Poultry. — Two Novocastriaris on a visit to London, last year, went to the Japanese Exhibition, and amongst other things the fowls in the fowl-house name in for a share of inspection. After viewing them a while, one remarked: "They're varry like English." Just then a cock began to crow, when the other replied: "They've got the English language, onny way !" The Seafoktii Highlanders.—A little fellow between three and four years old, who lives in Newcastle with bis grandparents, having a great wish to wear trousers like a man, was told by his granny that she could not afford to buy him any. Shortly afterwards he was taken to the summer flower show by his father, and on seeing the Highlanders the little fellow exclaimed, " Wey, daddy, they're not breeched yit! Aa's warned thor granny cannot afford it!" Keel Plates. —A prominent plater and his wife lately journeyed from Hartlepool to Newcastle with a cheap trip. After visiting Jesmond Dene and other scenes of their youth, they returned by way of Byker. Coming in view of the iron church thereabouts, the plater pointed it out to his better half, making some remarks as to the stability of iron. " Marcy on us !" exclaimed the wife, " aa wish thor was a hundred te build, an' thoo had the job to put the keel plates on !" Not Fob a Crown. —During the past few weeks revival services have .been held in the Wesleyan Chapel in a village situated not far from Bishop Auckland. One night the preacher was trying to persuade a young man to go up to- the penitent's seat, but all to no purpose. As a last inducement, he said, " Young man, if you will only go up to that seat, you will receive a crown," meaning a crown of glory. " Nay, man," was the reply, "if thoo was te gi'e me a half-sovereign I dorsent gan up there." Scriptural Misquotation.—A young local preacher, who prided himself somewhat upon his acquaintance with the Scriptures, preaching one Sunday, not far from Newcastle, electrified the members of the church by saying " (Jan ye remembor the plyace where the Lord said unto Moses, ' Upon thy belly shalt thoo waak aall the days iv thy life, and in thy seed shall aall the nations iv the orth be blist' ?" Not a little suppressed laughter was heard when he said immediately after, "For ye knaa aa weel as aa de that the prodigal lad cam tie his fethor and said unto him, ' Fethor, • thy sins, which wor mony, are forgiven.' An Anxious Inquirer.—A Northerner and a Scotchman, some little time ago, left the Central Station by a slow train on the Carlisle branch of the North - Eastern Railway. At every station the Scotchman asked the Northerner, "Is this Haydon Bridge ?" The latter was a deep reader of light literature, and the incessant inquiries disturbed him so much that, after a while, he emphatically said to his companion, "Don't fret yourself, I'll tell you when we reach Haydon Bridge." Still there was no peace. The original question was repeated at every succeeding station. Ultimately H<ydon Bridge was reached, whereupon the Northerner, after a sigh of relief, said to the Scotchman in triumphant accents, " This is Haydon Bridge." Scottie replied, " Thank you," and then took something from a pocket, placed the same in his mouth, and with a wry face swallowed it. He, however, made no attempt to leave the train, and the Northerner asked him, " Why, are you not setting out here ?" The Scot replied, "Ma wee wifie telt me to tak twa pills at Haydon Bridge, and aw've jist taen 'em; aw'm gaon to Carlyle !"