Parieties.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2304, 16 April 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Parieties.

EXTUEMB avarice is nearly always mistaken.— Rochefoucauld. O.vly a Question Of Turn.—Asking the hour. It w curious, but a man is called faster when ho <,'nesslow on fond. On-.; Thjjto More Bussed To Give Tii.\>r To Uk'Jrivh.—Advice. " What is your idea of love, Mr. Sinnick'? , "Three locals a dny and well cooked." Cox. For Naturalists. — Plow many sticks go to build a crow's nest? None, be- , cause, thov are carried. New York city nays over 500,000 dol. per year fur the support of children committed by Uμ police, magisGrates, A Si'oTcii; nii'dical professor lately declared that out of over one 100 medical (.t.-kl nates not ten meant to "set up" in Scotlmd. "What charming little pink-tipped shell like ears you have, Miss Totty ! Did you never have them pierced ? " "No ; but I have hud them bored." Mos-r_ children would be better and more harmoniously developed if some of the time now spent over books was rigorously devoted to the training and exercise of sight and hearing. Landlady : "The coffee, lam sorry to say, is exhausted, Mr. Smith." Boarder : " Ah, yes, poor thing, I was expecting that! I've noticed for some time that it hasn't been strong;" AIJOUT A S LENDER INDIVIDUAL.—A Yankee, in describing a lean opponent, said, " I tell you what sir—that man doesn't amount to a sum in arithmetic ; add him up, and there's nothing to carry." Forced smartness of speech is never amusing , , and is often merely rudeness. Wit is the salt of conversation, not its food, and the wit of genuinely good manners "ne'er carried a heart-stain away on its blade." " Soyou would like an office, my friend," said the President. "Yes, sir," replied the applicant" "Your recommendations say you have done snmo effective work at the polls. In what way ?" "In the line of my regular business, sir." "Your regular business ? " "Yes sir ;lam a barber." A devout old suburban clergyman was talking the other Sunday of poverty. •'Look at. the Apostles." said he ;" they did not wear first class clothes nor even second class clothes. Thev were not even respectable looking men. Peter himself was bald-headed.' A lazy dyspeptic was bewailinp his own misfortunes, and speaking with a friend on the latter's hearty appearance. ''What do you do to make you so strong and healthy' , inquired the dyspeptic. " Live, on fruit alone," answered his friend. " What kind of fruit ? " " The fruit of industry ; and I am never troubled with indigestion."—The Laws of Life. A Puesbytertan doctor of divinity once said to me at General Assembly, says a writer in the St. Paul Pioneer Press, "You newspaper men must have queer views of things. You are always looking on and never taking part. Your knowledge and habits of thought must ! be very circumferential and .superficial. I suppose, now, your idea of the day of judgment is that you will have a table off at one side and report the proceedings for the morning paper." Why She Refused Hur.—"No," she said positively, " I cannot marry you. Do not nsk me why. but go." I must ask you why," Ik; pleaded. "I am a streetcar driver at fourteen shillings a day, and can offer you a luxurious home. Think twice before you ruthlessly cast aside a warm heart like mine." Your fortune is ample and your heart is warm, no doubt," she replied, quite unmoved, "but as yon are a street car driver I shudder when I think how cold your feet must be."—Now York Times. AT THE BALLET. Ninety-two sweet girls in sight ! CJ-irls in blue and girls in white; Girls hid 'way up in the flies ; Girls with most bewitching eyes ; Girls below and girls o'erhoad Girls in pink and girls in red ; Girls in every style of tresses, But, ahis no girlsjn dresses. A gentleman living in the north-western part of the city has two very smart children, Charley, aged seven, and Maudie just passed five. The other morning M'uidio s:iid to her brother, " Charley you mus' do fioinclin to s'prise me." " What for ?'' queried Charley, "Just because," was the fe>nriine, but illogical, answer. Twenty minutes later Maudie, half-whim-pering and lv\lf-laughinii, complained to her mother—" Ma, T told Charley he mus' do S'unefin to s'prise me, and he's gone and eat all my e.-.ko.* Two burglars had ransaeked n, house in Dublin and secured every portable thing of any value. While passing through the pmtry, one of then , picked up a piece of cold meat, and was about to eat it. "Whist, Pat!" said the other, warningly, " 'Ay' yez forgot phat day it is ?"' "Brf jailers," said Pat, dropping the meat, "I had ; it's Friday mornin' !" A GriKMLOAL Beauty.—-A celebrated Parisian belle, says the Popular Science News, who had acquired the habit of whitewashing herself, so as to speak, from the soles of her feet to the roots of her hair with chemically-prepared cosmetics, one day took a medicated bath, and on emerging from it, she was horrified to find herself as black as an Ethiopian. The transformation was complete ; not a vestige of the "supreme Caucasian race " was left. Her physician was sent for in alarm and haste. On his arrival he lau'ghed immoderately, and! said, "Madam, you are not ill ; you are a chemical product. You are no longer a woman, but a 'sulphide.' It is not now a question of medicinal treatment, but of simple chemical reaction. I shall subject you to a bath of sulphuric acid diluted with water. The acid will have the honour of combining with you ; it. will take up the sulphur, the metal wi)6 produce a ' sulphate,' and we shall fincj as a 'precipitate' a very pretty woman."' The good-natured physician went through with his reaction, and the belle was restored to her membership with the whitti race,—Chemist and Druggist.