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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2304, 16 April 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Earnestness alone makes life eternity. —Carlyle. The Domestic Revolver.—A gentleman goes to a armourer's and asks for a, revolver. " Here's a real nice, family weapon," says the clerk. '' family weapon ?" " Yes, family weapon ; just the thing for domestic tragedies ; six-shooter, you see, sir—two bullets for the destroyer of your happiness, two for your wife and two for yourself. All the go, sir ! Sell hundreds of 'em for bridal presents, sir." Dvorak, the composer, lms not yet grasped all the peculiarities of the English language, as will be seen by the following copy of a telegram received, it is said, by the Leeds Festival Committee as a notice of his speedy arrival in that c.itv : — " Cologne.—l am cominsjto-day in Victoria Will somebody snatch me from the station as I might not recognise the journey?" Here is a literally true school story :—A few days ago a lady, who feels a great interest in her schools, and who takes a part in examining , the boys, was endeavouring to instil into their bucolic minds some facts as to heat and cold, snow and ice. She asked one of thorn, "What is hail?" The answer, given after much reflection, was, " Beer, my lady."—Vanity Fair. Nurtsu : " Oi'll have to lave yez, mum." Lady : ''Why so, Mary Ann?" Nurse: '"Well, mum, the baby's gettiu' old." Lady: " I don't see what difference that makes." Nurse: ''Why, ye see, mum, the baby's gettin' to be a blonde an' Oi'in a brunette. We don't look well together. Yez'il have to dye the baby, mum, or } must lave yen."