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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2298, 2 April 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

I'KKSKNT V. FUTURE. Who but a bachelor, eating the sourest of grapes could have deliberately penned and made public the following verses : — Three " Weeks" after Marriage. (Sugar.) Indeed, 'tis very cold, Let me, sweet love, around your neck This handkerchief enfold. You know how anxious for your health My own dear George, am I; One loving kiss before we part-Good-bye, sweet chuck—good-bye. Three " Years" after Marriage, (Aloes.) Your'e going nut—why don't you go ? I cannot help the rain ; It will not grieve me very much If you ne'er come back again. Umbrella ?—don't know where it is ; What next to excite one's wrath ?. Don't pester me about your cold : Good gracious !— go to Bath !

" I guess, sister you needn't bother about having the parlour swept out to-day," was the remark of the Alleghany youth as he started to school. "What on earth do you mean, George?" "Well, I heard father tell mother that if that young man of yours came to-night he'd wipe the floor with him." "How is it none of my contributions are ever used ''." asked a would-be contributor of an editor. "You must bo mistaken. Do yon write on one side of the paper only ?" " Certainly." "Then it's all right. We write our editorials on the blank side. Never be afraid of your contributions not being used."

Plain Esor.isH. — Distinguished Foreigner—''Dun, zare, yon refuses to gif me ze loans of dfcen shillin',' efen if I andt to you my hi. o. U.s. Zis is insult/, to a ehontleman ! Know you dthat dthoug in your miserables countree I am bplain 'Enery Jonson, in n>y own esteemt landt I am Baron ov—Baron ov ," Brisk Briton (interrupting)—" Yes, I know —barren of honesty, don't be modest; you're that here too. Oood morning."