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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2295, 26 March 1887, Page 2

The Chicago people delight in big things. Their latest project is to build a theatre which shall .be the most capacious in the world. It will have a frontage of 362 ft. on Congress street, with a depth of 177 ft., will seat, 6,000 people, and will cost £450,000. Probably it will be a disappointment to its founders to learn that the Grand Opera in Paris cost more than twice as much. The wife of a comparatively recent Commissioner of the General Assembly happened to be seated, at one of the official dinners at Holyrood, between two former Moderators, while two " Moderator" lamps upon the table, not having been properly trimmed, were somewhat inodorous ; in allusion to which circumstance her ladyship inadvertently exclaimed. " How very unpleasantly those old Moderators smell !" True Evils of Baptism.—A German newspaper contains the following " The ' apostle ' Scheewe, of Berlin was lately baptising six persons, male and female. They all went into the water without shuddering, and the pastor was about to officiate, when suddenly one of the neophytes cried out—' Donner und Blitzen! how cold it is!' The candidate was rejected." This calls to mind another told by G. A. Sala. of a negro neophyte, who was ducked by misadventure under similar circumstances, and who reared his head up ahove the surface with the remark—" Tell you what, Sar, some day some gen'l'man's nigger get drowned with such damned foolishness as this."— Galignani. A Horse Story—An interesting' story ia being told of an old English gentleman, who for many years rode a blind horse. Though sightless, the steed, which had probably been a good fencer once, had learnt to jump whenever be received a hint that he was desired to do so. One day, after a run with the hounds, some hunting men were talking in the bar of a hotel about big j timps, and the owner of the blind horse stoutly maintained that that animal would jump over a single obstacle which none of their hunters would leap. He was ready to back his words with money, andasthe result of the conversation, he made four bets of £25 each on the subject. Very soon the four sportsmen repented of risking their money so rashly. The owner of the blind horse put down a straw in the street, and this constituted the "obstacle." He rode up to it, and the blind steed, responding to his call, "rose at the rasper," clearing it at a bound four feet in the air, and covering twelve feet of ground at least. None of the four horses would rise at a straw, and the owner of the blind horse was £100 the richer.

Honeymoons.—Of all tests of true love a honeymoon is the severest, and by every right of sensible sequence ought to come last of all in the history of married couples. It is the great destroyer of illusions, and the more illusions there are the greater the destruction. Two persons have seen each other occasionally, perhaps for an hour every day—and that is a srreat deal in Eur©pe—during which meetings they have becoms more or leas deeply enamoured each of the qualities of the other. People notoriously behave very differeutly to the people they love and to the world at large; but their behaviour to the world at large is the outcome of their character, whereas their conduct to each other is the result of the concomitant of a passion which may or may not be real, profound and good. But each has a great number of characteristics which practically never appear during those hours of courtship. Suddenly the two are married, and the lid of Pandora's box is hoisted high with a vicious jerk that scares the little wife outside to the verge of distraotion, and they fly out incontinent with an evil savour. If the lid had been gently raised, the evil spirits would probably have issued forth stealthily and one at a time, without any great fuse, and might not have been noticed. The two contemned ones travel together, eat together, talk together, until in a single. month they have exhausted a list of ted qualities that should have lasted at Hast half-a-dozen years • under ordinary circumstances.

A corrected programme of the Tauwhare annual sports for Easter Monday appears elsewhere.

Yes ! It is certainly true. Ask any of your friends who have purchased there. Garlick and Cranwell have numerous unasked for and very favourable commendations from country customers on their excellent packing of Furniure, Crockery, and Glass, &c. Ladies and gentlemen about ti furnish _ should remember that Garlick and Cranwell's is thh Cheap Furnishing Whareliouse of Auckland. Furniture to suit all classes ; also Carpets, Floor Cloths and all House Necessaries. If yout new house is nearly finished, or, you are doing to get married, visit Garlick and Cranwell, Queen-street and Lorne-street Auckland. Intending purchasers can have a catalogue sent free.