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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2283, 26 February 1887, Page 1 (Supplement)

Branch Establishment.—A tree. A . Striking Expression.—" Hit him again !" " You see," said an English gentleman, who was attacking his dinner with .1 wonderful appetite, to a Scotchman dining at the same table, " I take a- great deal of butter to my fish." " Ay," said the Scotchman, " an' a mighty doosid deal o'fish to your butter, too !" Young man who has been jilted and a friend are in a comfortable room. Sympathetic friend : "Good quarters these, old fellow : yon ought to be satisfied with them." Jilted bachelor : " Yes, I'm satisfied now with my quarters ; they are good enough. What I want is a better half." An old lady over SO years of age, and who was once a great beauty, died recently at Paris, leaving after her a diary in which she endeavored to show up the alleged vanity of women. From the age of 20 to 30 she spent 3 hours a day at her toilet, which foots up for the period 1 year, 91 days and G hours employed in dressing her hair, powdering her cheeks and painting her lips. From 30 to oO the toilet labors amounted to 5 hours a day, the extra hour being consecrated to the covering of the tracks of time, including the obliteration of crow's feet and other necessary filling in and grading. Time, 4 years and 40 days. After 50 her efforts had to be redoubled. To the last she resisted the effects of time. Thkke ate few more potent forces in character or in life than that of the imagination. It has, in fact, a life of its own underlying the actual and visible life, yet secretly and constantly moulding and fashioning it. It has its sins and virtues, its strength and weakness, its development and repression, all of which tell upon the desires, alfect the disposition and, to some extent, determine the actions of men. Whoever wishes to be the controller and director of his action must discipline his imagination, It is before the hand is stretched forth to do the unjust deed, before the lips are opened to speak the crn»l word, thst the sin of injustice or cruelty begins. It is the indulgence of the fancy which pictures the coveted gain and dictates the bitter word. If this be not checked and resisted, there is little hope that the evil deed will be avoided. A wag, sauntering quietly along a street in Chicago the other day, was accosted by a man who stammered, "Can you t-t-tell ine where I may ir-g-get some g-g-g-g-goml t-t-tin t-t-t-tacks?" " Certainly,"replied the wag. " You turn down this street oil your left two blocks, then turn again two blocks to your left, and again two blocks to your left, and that will bring you to the best hardware, shop in town, where you'll be sure to find them." The stammerer continued his way. The wag, walking down the street, two blocks, entered the aforesaid hardware. sh"p, and proceeded as follows; " Have you any ir-sr-g-cond t-t-tin t-t-t-tacks? " "Yes sir, " said the obliging shopman, producing his best, after some rummaging- "Are vou sure th-th-the.se are g-g-gnod ones? " "Yes, sir, the. best that are madn." "Are th-th. the heads g-g-gnod and stnmir?" "Ye sir." '' Have t!s«v g-g-trot s---s--,.shai-;> p-p-points?" "Yes, sir." '• \WII, !> please s-s-«-sit on them l-t-till T e>>tr . will yon?" he said, making a b >!t : door. Presently the unlucky sta i> i having described a square i.f t'v > I.' . arrived at, the hardware shop, a'd, cntr-ii, , asked iniiocent.lv, "Have von any g-g-tr-good t-t-tin t-i.-t-tacks " When he re. covered, he .isiced in a somewhat dazed fashion whether the house had fallen on him, or if it was simply au explosion.