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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2283, 26 February 1887, Page 1 (Supplement)

Motto kok an Ixcoiibigible Beggar.— " Mend-I-cant !" Tkansl''eu>s to Real Estate.—Two boys throwing mud ;it each Consolation'. —" Arrah now, doctor darlint, d'ye think I'm going now," said a poor patient who lay on his bed in extremis. "Shure, Pat, ye are," was the reply, " but its a fine thing for a man to be allowed to die in his bed these times !" A CONTIUI3UTOR to the Spectator relates a graceful compliment paid by a witty Irish peasant to a young lady of great personal attractions. After she had spoken to him, Pat replied, "I see yer honour mam, that yer manners is aiqual to yer appearance." "You have been arrested for stealing from a baker's cart. What have you to say in your defence?" Hibernian: "Nothing, sor, except that the doctor told me I must eat stale bread for me dyspepsy, so I had to stale it." Before Prince Bismarck reconstructed the map of Europe and made a united Germany, a dozen little principalities used to annoy travellers by stopping them at their frontiers until they satisfied the Customhouse demands. A Yankee once had his carriage stopped at the frontier of a petty prince's country. The Merr Ober-Controllcur at the Custom-house came forward, and, much to his indignation, was received in a nonchalant way. The Yankee was ungentleinanly enough not to get out of the carriage, or even to take off his hat. The HerrOber sharply demanded the keys of the tourist's trunks, which his subordinate began handling roughly. " Here, hands off!" shouted the Yankee. " I didn't come from the United States of America to be controlled by you. Put those trunks back. I'll not go through you at all I'll turn back. I'm ill 110 hurry, and don't care for losing a day. You're no country —you're only a spot. I'll go round you." And ho did.