Narieties.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2283, 26 February 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Narieties.

You may fail to shine, in oho opinion of others, both in your conversation and actions, from being superior as well as inferior to them.—Greville#

''You and your wife should become one, said a friendly adviser to a henpecked husband. " Become one !" exclaimed the henpecked. " Why, we are ten now." "How so?" "She's 1 and I'm 0."

Scene—A drawing-room. Married couple sitting down to a game of cards. She: " What are you going to play for?" He: "Anything you like." She: " Let us play for a velvet jacket, dear. If you lose I shall liavp the choosing of it; and if I lone, you shall." ......

Something to Be Puoud or.—Two ladies meet who have been pupils at the saina boarding-school. The one (proudly):" My dear, I've boon married three years," Tha other (still more proudly) : "Why, that's nothing; I'm already divorced."

A hungry English tourist, specially fond of soles, arrived at an Irish hotel and met the landlady. "Now then," he said, "first of all, have you a sole?" "A sowl, is it?" replied the landlady indignantly. "Sorr. do I look like a baste?''

"Mamma, you read the other day that ft tiger died of eating sawdust." "Yew, dear, He swallowed it with his food, Sawdugt was thrown into his cage to keep it clean." "Mamma, is there any likelihood of my doll dying? She's gone and eaten herself chuck full of sawdust." Nor a day passes over the earth but men and women of no note do great deeds, speak great words, and suffer noble sorrows. Of these obscure heroes, philosophers, and martyrs the greater part will never be known till that hour when many that wero great shall be small and the small great. A story is told of the Bishop of Melbourne, the Rev. Field Flowers Goe, wheni being examined in his under-graduate days. "Fdr your first name,''said the examiner, "you deserve to be ploughed, for your second to bo plucked, and for your surname to be sent down. And now, sir, you may Goe." The Fuxn't est Man.—Probably , the most remarkable sense of humour ever known was that of a German soldier who laughed uproariously all the time he was being flogged, and when the officer, at tha ■end, inquired the cause of his tnirth, broke out into a fresh fit of laughter, and cried, " Why, I'm the wrong man !"—New Ago, Mn Winks: "Photography is- making wonderful progress, I see." Mrs Winks: Yes, it is wonderful. Why, I saw % photograph of the moon not long ago, and " "But lam referring to tha instantaneous processes. The paper say« they can now take the likeness of a flying rifle ball or a flash of lightning." "Isn't that splendid ? By and by, maybo, they'll' get so they can photograph a baby without getting mad." One of our theatrical managers, notorious for his economical turn of disposition, recently gave a humorous proof of his penurious nature. A new piece was about to be produced in which uio.st of the company had to appear in hunting costume. A dispute arose as to whether the manager or the company should find the dresses. One of the Indies offered a compromise by saying, " If I find the riding habit, will you find the hat?" "No," was the decided reply. "Then," said the lady in a temper, " I will go on without any hat at all." " By Jove, that would be fine, and settles the dispute," cried tho placid manager; "you just rush hon and say hi've lost my hat in the 'unt, and there you hare, don t you know."

There was a time, not long ago, when it became so difficult to keep the name of Sara Bernhardt out of the Paris gossip that a well -known bookmaker laid several wagers to that effect with some of the principal Paris journalists. Except one, they all lost their money, and the exception only escaped th« common fate by absolutely interrupting his theatrical summaries for a fortnight, and discussing nothing but cafes chantants, circuses, balls, concerts, &c. Even then he was nearly caught,' for Sara, having got wind: of the affair, repaired one evening, after> the performance at the Vaudeville, to the muic-hall where she knew the critic in question to be. There was a great sen* sation,i but the critic won his bet. He reported that the proceedings had been interrupted by the presence of a foreign princess travelling incognita, ho much bo that "she was not visible to the naked eye."

One night recently a party of tourists at an hotel wore telling stories of famous shots, and how many partridges, ducks, pijeons, and other birds had been killed at a single discharge. After listening to what seemed a wilful exaggeration by different narrators, a Yankee who was present volunteered his experience of his only use of the fatal doublebarrelled gun as follows " I went into a field one day to try gunning. The only game discovered was an immense flock of blackbirds. 1 should say there were ten thousand in the flock. Yes—ten thousand. Slowly I crawled up to them, and when not more than four rods away the birds rose in a solid mass. I fired both barrels : and how many do you think I killed ?" Different guesses were made by the various listeners, ranging from twenty to one hundred birds. "Not one." said the stranger; " but 1 went out with my brother to look for results, and we picked up four bushels of legs. I had shot a little under." This was the last story that was told.

Don't snub a boy because he wears shabby clothes. When Edison, the inventor of the telephone, first entered Koston he wore a pair of yellow linen breeches in the depth of winter. Don't snub a boy because his home is plain and upretending. Abraham Lincoln's early home was a log cabin. Don't snub a boy because of the ignorance of his parents, Shakspere, the world's poet, was the son of a man who was unable to write his own nurne. Don't snub a hoy because he chooses a humble trade. The author of the "Pilgrim's Progress" was a tinker. Don't snub a boy because of physical disability. Milton was blind. Don't snub a boy because of a dullness in his lessons. Hogarth, the celebrated painter and en' graver, was a stupid boy at- his books. Don't snub a boy because he stutters. Demosthenes, the great orator of Greece, overcame a harsh and stammering voice. Don't snub anyone. Not alone because some day they may far outstrip you in the race of life, but because it is neither kind, nor right, nor Christian.