Varieties

Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2274, 5 February 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Varieties

Oriental Splendour.—Sunrise. Good Chess-Playkus.—"Pawir'-brokers. Improved Maxim. —Birds of a feathor fight together. Nature's Most Becoming Dress.—The close of day. Castles in the air cost a vast deal to keep up.—Bulwer Lytton. In my own city my name, in a strange city my clothes, procure me respect.— Hebrew Proverb. There is a foolish corner even in the brain of a sage. —Aristotle. The ingratitude of the world can never deprive us of the conscious happiness of having acted with humanity.—Goldsmith. A philosopher asserts' fjjat the reason why ladies' teeth decay Hooner than the gentlemen'* is because of the friction of the tongue and the sweetness of their lips. Why may the inhabitants of the Polar regions be supposed to be fashionable people?— Because they move in the highest circle.

Con. By One Of Cook's Touuisis.— When are certain persons who travel in France like dissipated young men ? —When they are on ttie road to Rouen. Buying a Pi« in a Poke.-Pat, ruefully, to his old sow with a litter of two, he having .sold six pigs in advance: " Och shure and ye've made a fool av yersilf for wanst — and me too!"

How the Old Tar Felt.—Stranger. " You say you have been shipwrecked four times !" Sailur: " Aye, aye, me hearty." Stranger : "And what are your sensations when the wild waves break over you and you feel yourself sinking under the water?" Sailor : " Damp."

Bargain-Making.—Minister (selling a cow): " I'll take sixteen pounds, James, and I'm sure she's wurth it!'' James ! (shortly): " Toots, minister, say aicht! Come, noo, there's my haun'—stroke it and be honest!" [Left bargaining]— The Bailie.

"Yes," said the chairman sadly, "our temperance meeting last night would havo been more if the lecturer hadn't betMi so absent-minded." " What did he do?" "He tried to blow the froth from a glass of water."

Fuhuuk was given two apples because she had bbhaved well. "Come," said her mother, " don't be greedy. Give one of them to your little brother." Florrie, with very good grace, held out the fruit to her brothei , . "You may choose," said she, " but don't take the biggest one." Justice demands more than a conscientious private life, It claims of its followers that they sacrifice something of self for social welfare; that they endeavour to suppress unfair and iueqnitable conduct as far as they can ; that they protect the feeble, instruct the ignorant, and encourage xhe wavering ; and that they devote at least a part of their time, intelligence, and energies to the service of their country. Men ok One Idea.—The remark of Chief Justice Comegys, of America, in the trial of the prize fighters that he " could not see what right the Marquess of Queensbury had to make rules," reminds us of the poor man man who. on being told that his trouble was Bright's disease,, said : •' Well, I think there ought to be some law to punish a man that makes a disease like this."

"Slowly the summer sun is setting," observed a novel-writer descriptively. Well, what of it? You wouldn't have the sun set violently, like an impatient hen in an egg-laying tournament, and run the chance of smashing itself into small pieces and bringing the summer hotel season to an abrupt and untimely end, would you ? Wo trow not. It will be an extremely dark day for novel-writers when the summer sun sets that hard.

The charge has often been made that theatrical affairs are carried on with a carelessness and haste incompatible with strict business, and reform in that particular has long been demanded. That long-headed thoughtful men are getting into the profession is shown by the following;notice, which is nailed on the star dressing-room door of a theatre not far from Chicago:— "In case of fire do not forget to catch the leading lady by the arm, and not her hair, to save her. The hair;belongs to the properties of the theatre, and is covered with insurance. The actress is not."

No cowardice is so great as that found in want of truth. Belief in the Tightness of a cause, in the value of a high moral standard, in the supreme righteousness over-ruling man, self-respect and moral dignity—all go by the board when we condescend to a lie, either spoken or acted, either by suggestion of the false or suppression of the truth. Whatever it may be that we are called on to testify or acknowledge, we should stand to openly and without wincing.

The Greatest Effort of his Life. — " What this country needs," exclaimed Hon. Tim Campbell on the last day of the recent Congressional Session, as he placed one hand melodramatically between his coat-tails and pointed toward the constellation of Perseus with the other —" what this country needs," he continued vaguely, as in the admiration of his attitude he lost the skein of his thought," "what this country needs—is—is—is fewer men and more of them ;" and then sat down amid a tumult that sounded more like laughter than it did like applause, and the reporters pondered over his last remark, till their heads ached.

When the Hon. P. T. Barnnin was younger than he is now, he was infected with political aspirations, and secured a seat hi the Legislature of Connecticut. Hi* efforts as an orator were less successful than his essays in the show business had been, and the Legislature could not ba made to grant him a hearing. " What do you suppose is the reason," someone asked of Mr Whipple, *' that Mr Bartium could not obtain the ear of the house ?' '• Oh, nothing is simpler !" was the ready response. "They were afraid he'd exhibit it in a museum." Father Tom Burke was riding one day in Dublin on the top of an omnibus, reading his breviary. A theobgical opponent got, on, and thought to read Father Tom % lecture. " The Lord tells us, sir," he said» " that when we pray we should not be as tha hypocrites who lovo to pray in public, and at the corners of streets, that they may be seen of men. Now, when I pray, I enter into my closet, and when I have shut the door, 1 pray in secret." " Yes," replied Father Tom, without taking his eyes off the book, " and then you come on the top of an omnibus and tell everyone all about it !"