Parties.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2251, 11 December 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Parties.

"Isn't he beautiful?"' said the wife of the politician, as he dandled her baby boy, who binilod and kicked every time «he threw him up. " He- is," answered the proud father, as he watched the play of the little fett, " but I'm afraid he will never b« a good party man." "Why not?" '* Became he's a kicker. 1 ' It is these terrible things that cast .v gloom o\er the happiest family, "There is something inexplicable about the mental make-up of a woman," replied Fogg to a female acquaintance. " There'i that Mrs. Smith for example. She's utterly unable to handle a hor->e, and yet she drivei her husband around as though he were a baby.' " Ah, butyou forget,"' replied the lady ; " th« horse, you know, is a very intelligent animal. Sik John Li bhock has tamed a wasp so that he strokes his back and allows it to sit down on his baud. One of these day« it will sit down hard. " Auk their relations cordial ?' asked one friend of another respecting a couple of politician". " Blamed if I could tell. You see I was over in the corner when they came up to the bar, and I could only see the neck of the bottle, but it looked more like whisky." To a correspondent who asks why the Ohio aiteaian well is like Dr. Mary AValker, we would say that the latest light on the subject fchows that the one is a geyser, while the other is a guy sir. Is* Illinois they have locked up a man for selling haid cider. We do not wonder at it. There is a limit to the forbearance of the public, and when a man persists inpeddlmgcider hard enough t« be cut up into teeth for cog-wheels he ought to be arreited. A M \N complained at & restaurant because he found a button m his *oup. The waiter mollified him by stating that they put buttons iv their soup so that they could button it upland keep it warm. A local druggist has a parrot which he ha-, taught to say. "What a pretty girl !" whenever a woman, young or old, enters his store, and they do say that a poor, weak man can hardly got into the store to buy a cigar on a fine afternoon. " Well,' 1 remarked Smithers, as he put down his wine glass, making at the time a wry face, "theie is an aid saving that .my port in * storm, but it will have t-i be quite a spell of weather before I try that port again." Omar Wildk says he writer his beat poems on an empty stomach. The eniptyness of his verses bears out his assertion. Ph\>i<tan'— l would adwr>e you, sir, during the hot weather, to Uke an alcohol bath every day. Patient (eiger)y) — Er— inside or outside, doctor. Tit-Bits. Whks Lieutenant Henn saw the Mayflower cior>s the line and noticed the sorrow - tul look on his wife's face, he turned to her and remarked : ''What ho ! my gala-tear !M! M The crew fainted. — Washington Post. In a recent bmst of confidence young Benedict said that there was one thing about his wife that he didn't like. When prosed for an explanation he replied that it was her mother. A mm.kk named Limlmrger is attracting considerable attention in Germany just now. There is something Jtbout the air of Limburger that alway.s does attract attention. Boh-Tail Stkkki'-Cak l)iti\ kh— Did you put your f^re in the box .' Passenger— Xo. I>i i\ cr — 1 )on't you know w e don't allow any one to ride free ? Passenger — Yes Driver —Are vow going to put your faro in the box? Passenger — Xo. Driver — Whoa (stopping the carl Xow, \uiless you pay your fare, I'm going to throw you out. What are you going to do? Passenger— l'm going to sit right where 1 am. That mam in the corner put my fare in the box. "Biddy," said a lady to her servant, "I wish you would step over and see how old Mr 3 Jones is this morning. ' In a few minutes Biddy leturned with the information that Mrs Jones was seventy two years seren months and twenty-eight days old. The sioin, "He Fell in Lore With His Wife," is said to be having a big run in this country. It is> about tune for such a story. The average novel's hero has been falling in lo\e with some other fellow's wife. "Pv," said Bobby, who was struggling to keep awake, and who waa pieternaturally successful, "some people die of great old age, don't they?" "Yes." "An some die of iipc of old age ? ' "Ya-as." Bobby made :t thoughtful pause, and then remarked : "Well, pa, I think Methuselah must havo died of lotten old age."- Puck. BvititKK (to young man with immature moustache) -"Shall I colour your moustache to-day, sir?" Youth— "Wouldn't it look lather fas.t for a man as young ah I am?" Barber (confidently)- -"Not at all, sir ; the good dye young." "Hv\k \oi '15i,\m'f.ii Hope ?"' asked a young lady of a librarian with a handkerchief tied over his j.iw«. "Ko, ma'am," said he, "its only a blasted toothache." Bkiim.ki" (who has been sent to crack some nuts in preparation for Mra Blank's little party, to be held during the evening, enters with a few badly cracked upon a plate): "An" indade, Mi.wis Blank, Oi'll lose me place before ( >i break me tathe acrackm' any mor« of thim nut>. Mejaw'i all lair.c now, a» it Is, m) it is." — Life.