Varieties

Waikato Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2242, 20 November 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Varieties

Iris not until we have pi-^cd through the furnace th.it we arc mide to know how much dros>> isinoui composition. Tho Montgomery ( V1,».) Advertiser-ays: —"The new jiil erected in reai of the Advertiser office has -hut out our bree/.o and made tho editorial room at lea-thfteen decrees hitter." Tho editor has one consolation. He doesn't ha\e far to go to get into j.nl. Young Knnllwags : "I dc-jro to purchase a ring for my fiine>\" Ohhgins jeweller: '' Ye-> .' How Ung hare you been engage I?' 1 Young Snullw ago : ''Xeirly three, year-*.'* (>bli^iii2: jeweller, to .is-i-tint: "Ah, yes ! J.uiio-. -how tin- gentleiu.m ->mo of thu-a imitation pnrnet-.'' A formal fashionable \i-itor tlm-addre-sed a little gnl: "How are you now, my dear .' ' "Very well, I thank yon," w^-, the reply. The visitor then added : "Now, nuclear, you should a-k me how I am.' The child then Mtnply and honestly replied, "I don't want know." "Havo you a soul for poetry?" .isked a wild-ejed nun as he entered the editor'ottice «uhl threw down a roll of manuscript. "Well, I don't know ab mfc that," replied the editor, glancing at the bottom of his liberally proportioned booc, "but 1 ha>e a -ole for poet-."' The poet didn't stay. Printers have much to endure. A mommg piper that had sub editftd a cheap "ad," received the following lucid complaint :— -"Pleas insurt the abuve as it is roate down, and alter as it wore last woek plea-." Thi-s is how it w.is " roate" :--"A ro-pQctable woman age 47 as good ]>lanu cook trustworthy to eldv or stnilJ fanely god reference, address,' &c. Yoi n«, mat lied couples are glad tint Mr Edison is mirried. They want him to invent a method whereby the baby's midirjrht -hriek- will bo carried off on .i wire ta frighten away the cats on the roof. " Yor can always tell a bachelor by the way ho handles a biby, " -ays an exchange. On the contriiy; you can always tell a> bachelor by the way he doesn't handlo a baby. In a country which hardly roquiros t<> Ixi mentioned esr^s are sometimes -erved on Sunday in the inns to £ue>tx who, on a certain Act of Parliament, dare not call for ".i drink." Tho-o ecfj- aro full of whi-ky, the meat having been blown out and the w hi-ky put in its place. Then then th" egg l- hermetically .-oiled and ready foi iho. ASe >tchman never tires uf egg^. A\ En^li-htnan calling; at the Vv r hite Hou-o was doscintingto President Lincoln,, who had never been abroad, upon thedifferences between Englishmen ancl Anietic.ins. "(Jieat difference in some-re-pect-," he -aid—" gseat difference ! You Americans d<> things that au English gentleman would never think of doing. Now, for i»-t nice, an English gentleman would never think of blacking his own boot-." " ■ il'.i 1 '. i xn i!, eod , r » said Lincoln. « Whose would he black !