Parties.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2221, 2 October 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Parties.

Fkll Work.— Tree cutting. Things that mlst he Pi hHKD.—Wheelbarrows. Domkstic PllKsUlT.— Chasine the gudeman with a broomstick. Lnn vl Fact. — A good action is never forgotten by an attorney. Win i* \n Ixnu^i'Riors Tailor nkver at Homi: .'— - Because he is always cutting fiit. W\c\kr composed only eleven operas. It is believed he would have composed mote, but lie had u>cd up all the noisea. A Sii'dkvi in want of money sold his book-*, and wrote home, "Father, rejoice; for I now c'enve my support from literature."' ANoniKK Brickhvt.— "ffirls think men all -Mini," says a woman who has had three husbands, "women know they are all stomach ?" As exchange says that a folded newspaper placed under thp co.it in the small of the biclv 1- an excellent substitute for an ovpici.it. Now is the tune to subscribe. " Wi: will allow thirty cents apiece," says th" Blikely (<i;\.) Xew.s, "for crown I In ib to parties whose paper h.is been stopped arp still owing us for it."' Tine llj.vson Win Shk LiKFn It.— The Duchess de Maine said to Madame do St.icl, " [am very fond of conversation ; evnrybody listens to me, and I listen to nobody. Akvkmfr <-aw an advertised receipt to prevent wells .md cisterns from free/.ing. He -cut his money, and received the ansvvfi, " T.ike m your well or cistern on cold nights and keep it by the fire."' " Youk heart," said the lecturer, "beats seventy times a minute." This computation does not hold good for ladies ! runnirg away from a mad bull or for schoolboy-, discovered in an apple tree by a lively fanner. A I HKvruK in the northern district of the metropolis has the following whimsical announcement in th( j proof of it's extreme accessibility : " Omnibuses pa*s the corner of the sheet. Pleasant walk home to all p.uts of L'tndoii. Ts England young gentleman ?peak of their f.ttheis as " the governor," "pater," " the o\prseei," (fee. In America they say j "d.id." "the bo-s," <,r "the old man." In I heathen countries they <jay " father," but they aie a Ions? way behind the «vge. Acnthss: "Now that I have come all thU long distance and performed several time-, without a single breakdown, you give i me notice to quit! Do I not fill up my I place?" Manag<u : Oh, yes— but you are I like the old stove yonder, it fills its place 1 too — only it doesn't draw !" I " L"t me s-ep.'' said the nurse to a sick man: "tiie doctor s-aid one teaspoonful eveiy ten minutes. That makes sj\- prery | houi ; say seventy-two during the night. I j shall give him seventy-two spoonfuls right j away, and have a chance to get a little sleep i mv,-elf." ] On one occasion Caidinal Manning, on j eh incing to pass clos» to an old applei woman's -tall ' n nn Irish quarter of the town, the woman after kneeling for his bin -ing called out as he passed like a shadow, "tJod bless your Eminence, but the rles il take your cook !" 'S \u vil, this going out incessantly I cannot have; next Sunday you mu-<t stay at home .ill div. ' "But, ma'am, I have promised mv riunt to spend the afternoon with her. " Sonny, interceding : " I>o let 'r.er g<» mamma. Her aunt has Iven marie a *ergeant, and has got a new coat with "tripes on it, an-1 a great long swoid.'' A MiDirvi. journal advices its readers "not t'> yell when frightened, as it only in-cte.i-c-. teitoi ; keep control of yourself and do -ometh.ng to calm your nerves. ' That's the docti me. If you find the houae is on fire, don t jump up and yell enough tobrinpf all the fire engines in the town to the spot, but just sit down, take up a last year's almanac and lead it calmly through. By the time you hni-«h it you will perceive there is no neces-itv for yelling, as thp fire will either have gone out or burnt the ho-ise down. A ooon story is told at the expense «f a couple of Manehest»u- men. Fishing in the Wye. near Bake well, the other day, they hid but indifferent luck, although they noticed that a couole of bucolic looking fellow^ not far off wi 3 grassing thespeckied biMuM' 1 - with the greatest of c i-e. Acr-ost-mg tli° foi tuna f e young rodsters, they induced tl) "in, for a ceit un c >n-tdeiation, to ha\c the -Inning spoil delivered it the addrpss of a well known firm of Minchester w ireh<»wmeu. The fish arnved next day, and inside \h n ]>.ircsl vvas an envolope coiitjini'ig the co-sh they had paid, "with the (MM'oliui<'iit* of Lord Hartington and Lord Edu ird Cavendish. Ml!- Bi 1 1 lit, the actress had a little son of nmi u ka'ile clev ei n^ss w h i \\ a^ not permitted to visit thi' the ifie. On» diy.howpvpi, he was tiken thoie. He -at intent through the hr-t \ct of the ] > I . w . but when the se^ne came in which Pi-Tie Michel and hi> wife have thoir exciting controversy, Ft. ink's eves tilled, and he leaned forward, and shouted lu-tily with his .small voice, " I don't want that man to so to my m.mima ! " The house — it was a ladies one, being a matinee— came down at this unexpected protest, and Rose Michel herself, overcome by the sitnati m, took immediate action tow aid- having the young gentleman brought round to the green room. Dr. I'km \nd could nevet bear to lose an umbiella, — they were never good ones of their kind, but "till he could not bear to. los t > his umbrella. He lost two or three in tine wav or another, and at last he inscribed, m conspicuous letter-;, on the handle of a new one he bought purposely, "Stolen fiom Dr. I'nckland, " and this he never lost. It was fairly norn to % skeleton thiough long 1 and faithful service, till at la-t it became \eiv shabby indeed; but the lugi 1 label, "Stolen ftoin Dr. Buc'vland, kept away everybody ; iK-body even e.nr attempted to "bonow" it on the wettest of wet day-, although it often invitingly stood by itself, in s ( litary glory, in the unibieila -tand in the hall. Old \Vi^l»-w'orth, wh.> is -.'mew hat irascible, called for a gla-s of milk and a bottle of N..da water at lunth. " Look here, waitet ! " he s.ml angniy. "here's ,\ cow's hair flo.,tmg in tin-! milk." "Well, sir," the waiter answeied, rubbing his- hands softly together, "you would nut expect ta find a hoi-e hail in milk, would you, sir?'' Tur other day an actor who had been doing the lead in a company that went out on th»* commonwealth plan turned np in New Ymk with dust on his shoes and a cane in h's hand. Someone asked him» <b .Tu-t got in?" '"Yes," he glow led. " Well, how do you like the commonwealth business v"' "There isn't such a thing,'' was the gum reply. "It's common poverty." Quui; recently a country vicar was complimenting a tailoi in his parish on repaiis which he had done for him. In the course of conversation, however, he incautiously observed, "When I want a new coat, I go to London — they make them there." B«v fore leaving the shop he inquired, " By-the-bye, do you come to my church?" "Ko, 2*2 * was the reply '• "when I want to hoar a good sermon, I go to London— they makethem there !" " I took one of these baboon*,** says Dr. A. E. Brehm, "it was a female, along to my home in tlennany, because she had always pioved to be of extraoidinary sa^a* city, and actually exhibited a far greater intelligence than the average countrywomen of Thuringia, where 1 was. Imnjr. Apes in general like other creatures, providedthey submit to their caressing and! fondling. My baboon at tir>t concentrated her tenderness upon the ohiWren of the \ iJlage, but, to her great sormvv, found no reciprocity. Then shfi turned to cats and dogs, ami teased and tormented them in eveiy way. A bright pu*sy, which the. most of the tuns she carried in her aruts^ was one day tued of her company, and attempted to escape. The ape strongly objected, and the kitten, m its struggle, scratched her in thu shoulder. (o\wel} the baboon s-oi/rd one of the paws of her pet, examined it emefully, and finding, pro bahlv, the sharp claws a dangerous, superfluity in so small a being, bit them all off, one be one. < )iif of the most amu?ing incidents of the <«eneial Klettion of 1 SS."> occurred at a meeting held at Cheadle m support of Sir Wilhvin C'unlilTe Brooks. A \ery eager but very decent Irishman announced that he wished to ask Sir William a que^-tion, wlnc'» ho accordingly proceed to do. The que Mon wh this "What grounds have you for the statement made by you that * large number of the Trush voters are illiteiate v " The chairman told him that if ha would wnte down the question and t*nd ilr up to the platform with theother question^ it would be answered. The Irishman, however, ( .b]ected to do this and, being" t »skerl why lie objected, said at last, amid roars of lmghter, "Sine, thin, I cut write "