HINTS TO YOUNG MEN WHO WANT TO MARRY.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2209, 4 September 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

HINTS TO YOUNG MEN WHO WANT TO MARRY.

Sem-xtt the girl. Agree with the girl's father iv politics and with her mother in religion. If you have a rival keep an eye on him ; if he is a widower keep two eyes on him. Do not assure the girl that you have no bad habits. It will be enough tor you to say that you never hpard yourself snore in your sleep. Do not put too much Hwoet-stuff on paper. If you do, you will hear it read in after-years, when your wife has some especial purpose in inflicting upon you the severest punishment known to a married man. Go home at a reasonable hour in the evening. Do not wait till the girl has to throw her whole soul into a yawn that she cannot cover witn both hands. A little thing like that may cause a coolness at the very beginning of the game. If you sit down on some molasses candy that little Willie has left on the chair while wealing you* new summer trousers for the first time, smile sweetly, and remark that yon do not mind sittiug on molasses- candy at all, and that " bjys will be 6oys." Reserve your true feelings for future reference. If, on the occasion of your first call, the girl upon whom you have placed your affections looks like an iceberg and acts like a quiet cold wave, take your leave early and stay a* ay. Woman in her hours of freeze is uncertain,' coy, and hard to please. Irf cold weather finish saying good night in the house. Do not stretch it all the way to the front gate, if there is a front gate, and thus lay the foundation for future asthma, bronchitis, neuralgia, and chronic catarrh, to help you to worry the girl to death after she has married you. Do not be too soft. Do not say, " These little hands shall never do a stroke of work while they are mine," and " You shall have nothing to do in our home but to sit all day long and chirp to the canaries " — as if any sensible woman could be happy fooling away valuable time in that sort ot style ? — and a girl has a fine retentive memory for the soft things and silly promises of courtship, and occasionally, in after-years, when shp is washing the dinner-dishes or patching the west end of your trousers, she will remind you of them in a cold sarcastic tone of voice.

This syniDathy felt for the French Princes, say,s London Truth, tartly, is confined to the" people who are in the- habit of frequenting thejjr aoirdes, and to the scribes who celebrate their virtues. They ought to be expelled. Would Cromwell have over dreamt of allowing Charles 11. to hold a species of Court in London, and to ,plot .uid intrigue in a London house # »guu»c Mio (!n\ -t invent? No more than Hisrri!)ic alliu's'h- \)nk of Cumberlan I to r^ide in llanove^, 01 the King of Itily allows rlw ex Kint» of Naples ibo iesicl«* m that city. A great newspaper reader was out hunting 1 recently, and a storm corning up h crept into a hollow tree log for nhelter After the storm abated he endeavoured to crawl out, but found # that the log had swelled ,so that it was impossible to make his e\it. He endeavoured to compress himself as much as possible, but with indifferent success. He thought about all the mean thing* lie had ever done, until finally his "mind reverted to the fact that, instead of buying his paper like a man, he was in the I ' habit of bon owing it from a neighbour. 'On this he felt so small that he slipped out of the log without an effort.