UNKNOWN

Waikato Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2203, 21 August 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

UNKNOWN

Si'iiun \l Indki'kniiknck.— Tn>totaliMii. Hai'IMNKHs is no laugning matter — Whately. i'Kiu-KruAr.LV Season \hu\ — Theatrical benefits, Knowm:ik;f is- tlip parent of love ; wisdom, love itself. — Hare. Wjikkk there is emulation there will be vanity.— John-stone. Whk.v aie watches easily stolen ?— When then are off their guaid. Suffkk (»od to avenge your wrongi. You know not wherefore and to what end He sulfers eviN. — Colet. Of all the creatsd comfort*, (iod is the lender ; you are the borrower, not the owner. Rutherford. Oft it falls out, that while one thinks too much of doing, he leaves to do the effect of this thinking. — Sidney. An Irishman criticising some of Dr. W. (i.Vt play .said, "The fust time he hit un he missed un, and the second time he hit un in the same place. "Wk will take what we need," is the motto of the Chicago Socialists. A local paper .suggests that they begin by taking a bath. A Wkm'KKV man claims that ho can raise cyclones at will. So can almost any man, l«y simply informing his wife that she will havn to got along with urn 1 bonnet a year. J>iuih;ki' and Mary, fellow-set vants in a household where there i.s plenty to do, are not on amicable terms. And thus it carno to pa«s that Bridget, speaking to her mistress, said, " Indeed, inu'aiii, Mary and wdrk might be married without breaking the Uw— for they're not related." Ha it keeps the heart always at full tension. It gives rise to oppression of the biain and sense*. It confutes the whole man. It robs the stomach of nervous power, and, digestion being impaired, the failure of life begins at once. Those, therefore, who are born with this passion, should give it up. At t% recent election in the North, a Ron of Vulcan was asked by the village doctor which of the candidates he would vote for. Stepping up closely to the doctor, he whispered in his ear " Can you keep a .secret .'" The doctor eagerly replied "Yes." kt 8a« can I,"' said tin- blacksmith, as with a pawkie smile he passed on. Lirri.r. Johnny has a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and demanding something to eat. At last his mother said to him, " Look heie, Johnny; Ine»'erwant anything to eat \n the night." " Well," rejoined Johnny, "I don't think I'd care much to e.it anything either in the night if I kept all my teeth in a tumbler of water." " How i> it," said a man to an acquaintance in a West End G-unbbng Club, where the play runs rather high, "that in spite of your tremendous run of bad luck .it poker, you have, always plenty of cash?" " Why, 1 never pay my old dobts.'' " But how about your nerv ones?" "Oh," was the, reply, "I let them m iture." Iv certain parts of Scotland farmers use small spades for digging out thi«tle,s and other weeds from among the young grain. An old Fife fanner, engaged .it this occupation one day, was accosted as follows: — " Are ye no apt to cut a lot o' the corn daein' that?' "That depends on wha the corn belangs to,"' was the answer. "If it's yer alit, yell no cut very muckle, bit if it's ony ither body's, yell cut .1 guild lwt." Mi:v who are drunk with ambition for wealth, or fame, or position, and are straining every nerve in business or politics, or any other all-absoibing object, neglecting eveiythingel.se in life, and picsMiig swiftly forward to ruined health and an early , gi.i\c, aiu less, the victim? of excitement tfian of one sidedncss. Could they but be excited in other dnectious, the whole tenor of their lives would be alteied. It is their torpidity to the many claims of -life that paves the way to the ultra and fatal devotion to one. An English officer of a pirticularly short temper had an interview lately with a petty Indian prince who from the first assumed an air of .superioiity which nettled the Englishman. Al last, as the interpreter continued to report remaiks of the rajah's which, to -say the least, were not wholly I complimentary to England, the officer could stand it no longer. Raising his hand quickly, he gave the interpreter a sounding .smack on the face, "Theie," he cried, turning on his heel—" just translate that to thd rajah, will you?" and the interview closed abruptly. Clifton' Su-pension-brirl^ continues to offer «mie great, y<;t mysterious temptation to pe.r-.oiin bent on s-el {-destruction. It actually .seems to po-<->o->s sonu; magnetic in(luenc j over wonld-b.j suicides, and holds the. mysterious powei of draw ing them fiom noith, south, '\i-t, and west. Since this bridge was first op»ned, tweutv-one people have killed themseho-. by jumping otf it. Tim twenty-first ea^e oeconed a. few ereniugs agu, A plumber, whose gigantic succ>!ss during the p-ist vile winter ha.i turned hi-> brain, besti ode the fatal budge and leapt into eternity. -Judy. Katid Tky\->[i ix Coxxix. nci r. — As the car reached West\ llle, an old man, w ith a long u lute board, lose feebly from .i comer seat and totteied towards the door. He was, howevei, stopped bj* the eonductoi, who said, "Your f.tre. plei-e." "I paid my fare. "When? I don't remeinbe,i it. ' " Why I p,ud you when I got on the car!'" "When- did you get on the car?" "At Fair Haven.' 1 "That won't do," .said the conductor. •' When I left Fair Haven, theie w i-> only a little hoy on the cat." " Ye*," answered the old man, " 1 know it. I u"H th.it little boy !"' A (iKsnr«\N.-A eolomed waiter in a Southern hotel, when asked rtho a gentleman was on whom he had In en waiting, replied — " He was no gemman ; I knows a gemma n right well. They orders ye about, in' swears at ye. That man spoke low, And thanked me.' 1 Just before slavery in the United States was abolished, a Quaker gentleman fuun Philadelphia took a journey through the slave States. When at Charleston, South Cirolin.i, he observed a man ride up to the Po>t-urHco, jump off his horse, and sing out to a negio who was passing, " Here you — -nigger, hold my (lioise!" The negio had no doubt about | the Hivino right of the gentleman to rule, and ho obeyed accordingly. | F(\F.D !— " lam a lav\ yeiV daughter, you know, George d*ar,"' she said, after George had pioposed and been accepted, "and you j wouldn't think it Ktiauge it 1 weie to ask you to sign ,i little paper to the effect that wo aio engaged, would you?' Geoife, was too happy to think anything «ti.wge just then, and he signed the paper u ith a tiembling hand and a busting heart. Then she laid her ear against his middle vest button, and they were very, \ery happy. " Tell me, darling," said George, after .* long, delicious mlence, " why did you want me to sign that paner? ])<» you not respose implicit confidence, in my love for you :M: M " Ah, yes," .she .sighed w ith infinite content, '' indeed Ido ! But, G^otge dear, I have been fooled so nuiuy times !'' Hk had joined a club which was under btood to have for its obiect the discussion |of scientific .subjects. Coining home one night at two o'clock a.m., he was ieproachod by his wife for Ins evident lapse fiom scientific subjects to liquid ones. "My dcai, " he s,»id, " it\— cr — all on account of the— lac— subject we had up foi 'discussion this— hie— evening." "And s ( > 1 am e\pocted to l>elie\e that the simple discussion of a scientific subject causes you to di.irtl and hiccough a-, you do.'' ' Ceitainly my du.ir ; high -di awl — hies, you — ci —know !'' It soeiiiLa plain to hei the first chance she had of looking into Webstei'-:, when .she found that hydi.iu.'io was thi» science of fluid in motion. " l'\ k hued a -splendid y^cht, and will be delighted to take you chaps with me to .sec the i.ice.'' said a piosperous, hvelv met chant to several fi lends in the produce exchange. " What's hei name ?" thejasked. " I've forgotten," s<aiil he. "I> steam?" "No." "Sloop («r schooner:' '* Keally, I can't say : but those things are. of no impoitance. 1 told my shipping-man to hue. i good-sized, safe yacht, with crew, for me, and send on bo.ud three boxes of chiimpague, thiee gallons of choice rye whisky, four do/.en claset, 000 Jiein.i N'ictouas, r>oo Tuikish cigarettes, two ilo/sen boxes .sardines, two batrels be^t biead andciackers three tine boiled ham», "•OO pickled oysters, a- fine Stilton chei'sc, and " " Hero, hold up !" chorused thu invited gang, " we'll go ; she's, a safe boat without question." Aili'M un sKiisitivene^s acce]>ts the pain which it must bear as a wholesome medicine, not dwelling upon its bitter taste, not upbi aiding tli ms who hand it, not regarding it as a peim.tnent e\il, but simply using it for sell-nnpio\empnt. At the same time it gladly welcome-, all the plu»>ant tidings which are thus In ought to knowledge, ft is as keen to feel the good as the e\il, and finds it in niueh lircrer ni'inovtion.