Amusing.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2182, 3 July 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Amusing.

A tut nc Sk.iil-.— Barrels in tier^. Ao fault ih ii lyparable. — Victor I IllGfn. Tuain' DjiriiSTiON. — Tivading- on a la.dy'h diesh. Nonuvu i-> <j>i >d for an ignorant man -dunce - S i.uli. Win i*> a in \c\ liki; a x.ocoMonvc?— J'» c i.iv he cdm it vf(, „u \» ltliuur, ]iuth'ug. \ M\\ Wno Si n;, v -, ui> j-ojj jus M \si'Eß. - \ bill -tKui'i. I'lij; in ->t 1 ne th it ent'Ms the heart is the I i t tip le iv' t w hii'.n n v. jji\ i ):•> Id-. m< ".I juok; than one master f.'uin b.'iii^tUven for hi a \Ml«t. Tili.\K i-> a Jiffejoiicc between coaldeui'i-. Au hiiii-'st one -ay-^ of another, " Him u»'i,,'h-. aie not my weighs. " Til". luMit win -I b>" be ib;n en bniMed, and then t'jo sweut ,>u*nt will v,n\a out. - l\ my.vi. Jo-,ii liit.Li.vus . Kindness is an in-tinkt, politeiu^-s u>ily an art ,\Vhv ciii y>>\i not t.jll .\ m.m'i> ciiaracter by the hat he wjat--.? — Because it is firqu-ntly put on. •Tin; FiKl-M \N — " FLuiley, the fireman, ii'mini< j d. 1 under-.Luid." "Yes; to an olfl fl.imii/' " The next thins he'll do will b'3 to put bi'i out, i suppose.'" Thb- justeht tloh'niUon of happiness that w.»- evei pi 1 - en was "a tranquil acquiescence under an agieeable dehibion." — St»in.\" Visitor: " And your funny man has committed suicide" Editor: "Yea." " Poison ?"' "No. Gut his jocular vein." *' May I ride behind you ?'" asked a tramp of; a gentleman, who was passing him on horseback. "Yos; but nut on the same lior-.p," was fche icply. " WHAT are the lant teeth that come?" asked a teacher of her clxs in physiology. " FaUe teeth, mum," replied the smart boy. If we would read tho secret history of our enemids, we would tind in each man's life, sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.— Lonj?fellt.w. Mcv call it foi tune when they know not the cau-e, and tlnu wwsh'p their own ignorance changed into a deity. — Metastasio. TirEiui is in every m:m a severe censor of his ui-vnneix ; and he that reverences tins jud^e will seldom do anything of what he need repent Scene— Water-colour 'exhibition. Fair one: "I do lovtf waW-colonrs so much more than oil painting--. You can always see yourself in th ; j^la>s !' Lovi; i^ snd to b.» the motive power of the world, Jtnd y.;t hfty-si\ women out of every ninety-tv") will to it tb.it a wall-se isune'l br >om-l»an«Hlr> 1-- more reliable than mor.il sin-ini >n for immediate results. *' Wif vt U meant l>v the ' bone of contention ?' " asked young hopeful, looking up from hi. book. ''The jaw-bone, my son, 1 ' replied his father, .solemnly— " the jawbone" Young and old, lich and poor, learned and ignorant, liavn dutie-* each to each ; anji no m in and no etas-, can give happiness wortny the, nan:e by living to himself or to-it-self alone. The happiness of life is mado up < f nrnatefi actions the little too-^odn-forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, :i kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the di^gui-o of playful raillery, and the countless mfinitesimils ot pku-uiablo t o'i^ht and geniil feelin j. '• A si'KiKTNG point of respmblance betwi'ea the bu-jy «><iiti>r and the industrious bugla: 1 is th'i coijimon dislike of long sentence-*." And another p >mfc of resemblanco is th'i fri»qne»icv with which both get what they bo much di-lilce. " Ai'ii: yon fond of lo iking at th<? stars ?" asked >i Orton girl of h-i " Masher " coiupatnon between the acts :it a certain theatre. "Well, yes," answered the eng ii> im^- y >\v)g m j», " sometune- : but, as a rule, the choi us i-> good enough for me." TlJAOiifiU, to boy whi>-e father i-^ an eggmeivb mfc : *• Joliiiny, if your father hid one .nindred og^x, I.nd twenty ot them were bad, how linuv L wmxld2 he 10->e?' Johnny : " tie wouldn't loose any of them. He sdlls th», bad ouo-, to a iestaura.nlkocpei to mak 1 - 1 omeletca.-s of ! ' Amoni; the advcrtKementM m a German paper theie lately appeared tho following: — "The gentleman wno d und i purse, v, ith money in the Blu nou tra->-o is requested to fonvard it t.) the a Idi. -- . of the I.>s<t, as h« w.is recog.iivd. ' A few days .'ftrrwardi the ivply was inserted— "The re-fi-giiiied gbiitlenian who picked up a i>'irse in tho Dlumen-ti.i-be loqueits the loser to call at hi-jhou o." Hi; cini'i rated from a little country village borne years ago, and ii a-well-to-do colonist. LiC'My he wrote to the old folk, tolling them that Up had'mairied a lady with a veiy nnp voice— a " inc///.o of 'quite extraordinary coinpa^." He iccennd an answer from the niaternaV >-ide of the family infoiming him thi.t his late lamented aunt was alflicted with something of that sort 1 dining her life, bnt bad found relief on placing a mustard-planter on the bole of i each foot. ! Old G'ext : " And how i^ your father, ! John ?" John : "He is dead, sir."' Old Gent : " Dead ! Dead Dear me ! \Vlmt a pity ! And how is your mother ?' John : " She is dead, too.*' Old Gent : "Indeed ? Dear me S What a pity, what a pity. But how is your wife, John !" John : " She died la^t week, sir." Old Gent : "Why goodnev- me— what a pity ! And your mother-in-law, how's she ?" John : She's hearty, t>ir.'' Old Gent (abstractedly) : "Dear me, what a pity !" A Doubtful Bargain'. — A few years „ ago," when a Scottish Parliamentary candidate was canvassing his constituency, he . cilled at the house of an aged couple. Finding the old woman alo.ie, he entered into con\ersation with her, and asked her to use her influence in getting her husband t > vote for him. While they were talking the w mld-be M. P. noticed a kitten amusing itself on the floor, .iiid, taking it up, praised its beauty, and offered her five pounds for it. The bargain was struck,, and on leaving be again exi>ies>-ed the hope .she \v.)iild secure her husband's vote for him. " Weel, sir," answered the woman, " a-, I said afore, John's a man o' his aim mind, and ju-.t does what strikes his am noddle, but ;it ony rate, sir, yci've got a real cheap kitt n, for yer opponent was in na i ; farer gme yesterd.i v, an' gaed me ter t poun Is for his brither."

Experientia Docet. — " A man called about six months ago," said the pawnbioker, " and handiug me a watrjj worth at I i<isi 2odol, asked me to let iii m have 23 vents upon it. Hooked at him in surpri.si.', and then hastily rau over our list of stolen w.i'chei. It was not mentioned there. I told him th i*. I "would give him f.j* more than 25 cents u-pou the watch, He said he wanted no more, and noticing my look of {surprise, t-aid to me: ' Tonight I accompany some friends to a theatre. I know from previous experience, that I will become intoxicated, and that I will either lose or sell my watch. I now leave it safe in your hands, receiving for it twenty-five cents. To-morrow morning I will pay you twenty-eight 1 cent-, and get it back.' Well, sir, regu- | larly, every week, or every two weeks, ' that man visit-* me, and leaves his watch in my cire."— Philadelphia News. The following anecdote c®ncerning- the* latr» King Earnest of Hanover's Kughehi coachman, Temple, is told by the Rev.. C. A. Wilkinson, domestic chaplain to his Majesty. It hcems that Temple's wife died, and, as a matter of course, it fell to Mr Wilkinson's lot to conduct the funeral ceremony. "A few day.-, after old. Temple, in deep mourning, called upor mb,"siys the chaplain. ;v ~H<; was ver 7 imv-h up^et, aud evkloutly h:al sornrthiD i on his mind which he found ,i diilnml rv in expressing, for he >stood theie a f o ' w moments in ?ilenee, and then turned j^g hat lound and round and looked rae uru . fully into it, and brushed it wirJ , j^g hand; and at last he got out th k ou<*h stammering-, ' I've called, sir— l've- ( ailed sir — as I wish to ask — and don't }jk e to put it off —what I've got to. pay you f ot that 'ere job. 1 l Oh,' I baul, 4 not bj no . o f course i 1 have no fees, Tvmpl.-, i remember now I am in your & >Dt au( j j tnust aek you what I have to p t v f ol . t \ xe two pots of ointment you iWIi Wl } G me for my horse's cracked feet? 1 * oh ' snirj Temple, 'Lord bless y, JU , £' Z't mention it ! Nothing, sir, notl) in ,' r , QnQ good turn deserves anotr ier all t £ Q ' u over!" Mr Wilkmso,, hast, in .s to explain that Temple was teallv - ;; O ud of his wife aud genumely gr^ ved ; it hn deatQ but that waa just his Way 0 f t in t J express hia gratitude. °