Amusing.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2167, 29 May 1886, Page 6 (Supplement)

Amusing.

A MAN entered an editorial room Dnncdil) and saw a Shapeless Man til ting on the Jonrnaliatic Tripod. The visitor said : " Where is the editct whose great powers have made hiip known far and wide as The Thunderer? To this the Shapeless Mass replied "But yesterday I might have claimer that houour, but since my compotitort wont out on strike, lam compelled to ap pear as you ace.'' " Whtfh isriirht, K'hvnrd, 'The wag«« of sin i- 1 death,' or ' The wngeii of sin art death.' " " Ntit.her, Annnbcl; the wag** of win is wealth.'' "Did you ever think what you would do if you hud'the Duko o f Westminster's income?'' Vill.ure pistor: "No; but I h.ivr sometimes wondered what the Duke would do if he lind mine." Baknum's white elephint in no thoroughly trained that when it nees a barrel of lime it backs right up to it to be whitewashed. Fiunt Soehlist —" L t's burm surhin'," Second SoninlNt— " All rijrht. Ha' ye got a cigar abDut ye? I've a match." Importaxt mesßensrcr : " What's th©, boit stopped fur ? Pilot : " Too moch fog." I. p.: » But I mn't see the tkj overhead." Pilot: "Well. unles« the biler busts we ain't ngoin' that way." Some thief with more enterprise than reverence stole the net of harm I**1 ** rocently presented with a horse and bugpy to Walt Whitman by his admirers. A Philadelphia reporter say* he afterward! picked up the following lines near the poet's hou««e :— I anger, I madden, I cast off amiability. O ! the enormity, the enormous enonnoty of his badness ! My harness, who hath deftly extracted it! My sad, unbridled steed. Slow policfl. slumbering locus man, I damn thee. Poor tracules charger. Uncollivrod h'>wo, uncoll.ired thief. Pooy qnUtted equine, much bittered singer. I moan I niug ray own meanness in dusky tones. My car ri are is bent with grief, I tire with weariness. Ten times a villian he who crept, and creeping stole the straps. Ye indigo set, ye fallen stars of peace, loss hubbub. Stirrup. Junior partner : "Our traveller oogbfc to b* punished. Hp told one of our customers in Croydon that I am au ignorant fool." Senior partner; " I shall apeak to him without fail, and insist that no more office seQrata he divulged. " '•What is your calling?" asked the magistrate of a prisoner who had been locked up for beinij drunk and disorderly. Prisoner, in a hoarse voice : " Inventor** Magistrate : " What have yon invented ?*' Prisoner : " Nothing ; but I»m trying to." Whex the superintendent of a certain Texas penitentiary said to a newly-ar-rived convict. "You have the privilege of working at any trade you prefer," th* prisoner replied, " I'd like to ke*p oa dr-ivin' cattlo to Kansas." Another in the same institution wanted to bo a sailor. Doctor: "Your wife is in a very critical state, and 1 should recommend you to oal) in some specialist to consult on the caae." Husband : " There, you see, doctor, I was right again ! I told my wife long ago she ought to get proper medical advice ; but she thought yon. would be offended." WHAT SHE THOUGHT OK IT. " Ip *he loved yon ?" Of course, jw» .should know it ! I think th.it you men should be blind ! If I were a man I should hhow it, When once I was sure of my mind ; But oh I You uiu&t wait till you'ie oer* tain ; You men are so awfully proud, With you lips closed by fear like a curtain, When you ought to be speaking aloud. Don't you think it is dreadfully silly That you girls can't show wh."> u you feel? I'm. xvjro that it couldn't work .Uy, And 'twould simplify thing*, a Rood deal ; L >ts more of the girls would b» married Could they ask to be notuebi dy's wife, A«>l one wouldn't then always be harried 1 or fear !»he was sioj»lo for life. I own I know little of "duty," Of "titne-V «nd " fears, 1 and all that: But I soetlte full poetic beauty. And that is enough ti> look at. No doubt you're convinced you know better, With all thit superior air ; But it don't changd my dictum onn letter Because you c»ud<min it— to there. What sort of a man would I fancy ? Well, one who has spirit and dash. Tail, handsome — that much I can say 1 — And— oh, yes— he mu»t have a moott»cbe. Rich or poor ! Either ways not alarming j Of course, ono needs dresses or gloves ; But it very romantic and charming To be pour with the man that one lovm ! But if a real lover comes to me Ha wouldn't wait all of his life, Nor daring to openly mm me, No. he'd ask me if I'd be hit wife. And I'd know that his bias was t'ward* me First, as well as when he had propottd. What ', must know ? Three years you're, adored me ! Good gracious ! I never supposed.